My son won't talk at school

quietheart

The teacher probably has had lots of experience with children starting school. She has raised the issue with the op as she can see something a bit different, something more than shyness. Just like my son's teacher did when he'd done 10 days at school without speech. She was right.
This does need to be recognised, the child needs support and encouragement. The reason my son's teacher brought it to my attention so quickly was because they'd previously had a child with SM, they put it down to shyness and she didn't speak all through her schooling.
My son is now in year 6 and because of the fantastic support he's had at school, he is happy and confident.
Op - please feel free to pm me if you wish. I'd really recommend this book
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Selective-Resource-Speechmark-practical-sourcebook/dp/0863882803
the price is scary but it was a total god-send.

quietheart

doodoot wrote: »

After reading that, I take back what I said earlier.


There are only certain people - in family and friends - that he speaks to, and his demeanour will change when he clams up.

that struck a chord with me. my son's throat would visibly tighten. so hard to watch. do hope things get easier for your boy x

doodoot

quietheart wrote: »

that struck a chord with me. my son's throat would visibly tighten. so hard to watch. do hope things get easier for your boy x

It's soul destroying isn't it?

Before he got help I was staying awake at night crying for him - I was terrified of him going to high school next year and not being able to ask directions to classrooms etc.

But now?

My mind is at total rest...and so is his. :j:T

bylromarha

My nephew had Selective mutism. Chatty as anything with mum and sis at home, but silent at school.

Wouldn't speak to anyone in nursery, sis kept being told "he's just shy, he'll get over it". Reception happened. Not a word to an adult or child in there all year. Year 1, sis finally was listened to and steps put in to help him gain confidence to talk in school...things like working with his older sister and mum going in a couple of times a week. Still nothing - wouldn't speak to them in school. Year 2, still nothing, despite speech and language finally getting involved. Year 3 - nothing.

It was like a switch in his head - as soon as he crossed the school gates, he clammed up, wouldn't speak to anyone until he'd gone back out the school gates.

Year 4, someone suggested that maybe changing school may help. Sis deliberated for a term or so, talked to nephew about it and agreed it may be good if he moved schools. He slowly began talking to adults + kids there there as he didn't have the label (except from a couple of kids in his new class who'd also moved from the old school and were shocked as they finally heard him speak)

If you have now googled selective mutism and feel it sounds like your boy, please push to get speech and langauge involved as early as you can. To reassure you, despite my nephew never speaking for those 5 years at the old school, he still had a good group of friends who were shocked at nephews birthday parties as they actually heard him reply to them...with a voice!!!!!! He's still quiet at school - now year 7 - but talks to adults and peers and is in top sets for everything.

All the best to you and yours.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

There was a girl at my primary school who never spoke.

Unfortunately, it was eventually decided by the classes after a few years of talking to her and being met with nods, shakes and tears in varying quantities, that it was a waste of time trying to interact with her. So, by the age of 7, nobody spoke to her unless it was to tell her that the teacher said x, y or z (so she didn't get into trouble for not doing something). It wasn't out of malice, there just wasn't any point doing it as she didn't want us to talk to her, as far as we knew.


She wasn't in Junior School when we started there the following September.



Not very helpful, I know, but that was what happened from the other children's point of view. We had no idea what to do, so we did what we thought she wanted us to do - shut up, go away and leave her alone.

quietheart

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

There was a girl at my primary school who never spoke.

Not very helpful, I know, but that was what happened from the other children's point of view. We had no idea what to do, so we did what we thought she wanted us to do - shut up, go away and leave her alone.

I think that happens a lot that's why a child with speech anxiety needs support throughout school to stop them becoming socially and academically isolated. My son is still very quiet in school and has 2 close friends. His teacher said he is still very popular because he's a nice kid, he doesn't speak easily but is always kind so that helps.

quietheart

doodoot wrote: »

It's soul destroying isn't it?

Before he got help I was staying awake at night crying for him - I was terrified of him going to high school next year and not being able to ask directions to classrooms etc.

But now?

My mind is at total rest...and so is his. :j:T

That's lovely. I'm so pleased for you. I won't forget all those sleepness nights. It's a much misunderstood condition so I think it's really important to get the message out there that it isn't just shyness and you do need to help the child overcome their phobia before it becomes too entrenched.

quietheart

bylromarha wrote: »

It was like a switch in his head - as soon as he crossed the school gates, he clammed up, wouldn't speak to anyone until he'd gone back out the school gates.

Year 4, someone suggested that maybe changing school may help. Sis deliberated for a term or so, talked to nephew about it and agreed it may be good if he moved schools. He slowly began talking to adults + kids there there as he didn't have the label (except from a couple of kids in his new class who'd also moved from the old school and were shocked as they finally heard him speak)

If you have now googled selective mutism and feel it sounds like your boy, please push to get speech and langauge involved as early as you can. To reassure you, despite my nephew never speaking for those 5 years at the old school, he still had a good group of friends who were shocked at nephews birthday parties as they actually heard him reply to them...with a voice!!!!!! He's still quiet at school - now year 7 - but talks to adults and peers and is in top sets for everything.

All the best to you and yours.

Glad it worked out for your nephew. I would have done the same as within a year my son was known as the boy who didn't talk. The kids were very accepting, the adults less so.
Children with speech anxiety are often very bright and very sensitive and real chatterboxes at home. They are aware that if they start speaking it's going to draw more attention to them so it needs to be gradual and low key. Baby steps to overcoming the problem.

dizziblonde

The teacher may well seemingly have raised it "early" as it means if it DOES become a problem, he's already part of the way through the system to get help sooner rather than later. Also in case it becomes a "well no one's told me there was an issue before now" later on when it gets mentioned for the first time.

You're right not to make it into a big thing and make it some kind of pressurised thing (if I'm doing supply and taking the register and there's a kid in the class who doesn't speak I just get them to give me a thumbs up or a wave or something so they're responding to what I've said in a way they're able to deal with) - and it might well be something that he'll work out in his own mind given enough time to do so (and then they'll probably not be able to STOP him talking at school seems to be the way it usuall ends up!) - but at least if they've noticed there's a potential issue there, then the wheels get in motion if some help's needed in the future. Plus it wouldn't be fair if 2-3 years down the line someone came to you cold and said that there was a problem with no warning really.

kjmtidea

Thanks again everyone. I don't know whether it is because I am thinking about it too much but it does seem like there loads of 'things/symptoms' that we have just put down to him being him because it has just become normal.

Also this weekend he seems worse, he brought a book to me earlier and he obviously wanted to talk about the pictures in it but he just kept whispering really quietly so I could hardly hear him and then as soon as Daddy left the room he was talking properly. But again, I think I am just noticing things more now because I am more aware that there may be something wrong. I will speak to his teacher this week.