My son won't talk at school

doodoot

kjmtidea wrote: »

The only family we have is a great nan that he sees about once a month and an uncle who he sees once in a blue moon and no he doesn't talk to them.
He has always been a bit of a 'difficult' child for want of a better word, he started crying when he was born and he took about 4 years to stop! He had bad reflux for the first year of his life and was just not a happy child so it almost became 'normal' for him to be a shy, quiet, little boy. It was what we were used to and what we expected I guess and it is only now that I am realising that maybe his behaviour and how he is, isn't quite as 'normal' as I thought.

After reading that, I take back what I said earlier.

My son could be heard screaming as he was making his way out - he'd already taken a breath before his head came out. :eek:

He cried constantly as a baby, wouldn't settle to sleep, was clingy and turned to a statue when anyone came near him.

There are only certain people - in family and friends - that he speaks to, and his demeanour will change when he clams up.

He has also had stomach, wetting and soiling problems - still has the latter - which is associated with SM and anxiety disorder.

If you think your GP may brush you off then contact your local speech and language therapy dept directly for a self-referral.

Also, get onto smira.org.uk - there's a great forum, advice and leaflets/books that you can order.

You may find that you're told he is a little bit young to work with at the moment, but like I said earlier there is a lot of help out there now for SM.

(My son only started his therapy 3 months ago due to him not feeling ready for it.)

Feel free to PM me xx

QuackQuackOops

kjmtidea wrote: »

My youngest son turned 4 in August and he started full time school in September. He has settled in very well and happily goes in everyday, he tells me what he has been up to and who he has been playing with but....

He won't talk at school! He can be a bit shy around new people or different situations although he has 3 brothers at this school so he had been up there a lot before he even started there. He has said the odd thing to his teacher and teaching assistant but if they ask him anything he won't answer. I had his first parents evening last night and his teacher said that it is quite difficult to see what he is capable of because he won't talk and she is getting quite concerned.

At home his speech is fine, he doesn't stop talking. He sings all his school songs, he counts with his fingers like he has been taught at school, he talks about the shapes he is learning so it is all going in. His teacher said that she is going to speak to the special needs teacher and see if she can help but I thought I would ask on here if anyone else had been through this? I haven't made it into a big deal with my son because I don't want to make it worse but I don't really know what to do .
Thanks

Tell the teacher to research the behaviour of children a bit more and then try to stop worrying over silly things.
Hes 4 for goodness sake and just been thrown into a new environment and she is concerned after a couple of months?
Jeeze!
And I cant believe the labels everyone wants to put on him. Selective Mutism, Aspergers, Autism. Gawd, hes shy.

kjmtidea

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Tell the teacher to research the behaviour of children a bit more and then try to stop worrying over silly things.
Hes 4 for goodness sake and just been thrown into a new environment and she is concerned after a couple of months?
Jeeze!

'Stop worrying over silly things' My sons behaviour is not a silly thing, your comment however is so I won't worry about that :T.

QuackQuackOops

kjmtidea wrote: »

'Stop worrying over silly things' My sons behaviour is not a silly thing, your comment however is so I won't worry about that :T.

Not talking at school and your teacher over-reacting when you KNOW that he can talk perfectly well IS a silly thing.

kjmtidea

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Not talking at school and your teacher over-reacting when you KNOW that he can talk perfectly well IS a silly thing.

I know that he can talk perfectly well at home but I also know that he will not talk to any other person other than his parents and brothers. If and it is a big If, there are problems then it is better to get the advise and help earlier rather than later surely?

I don't want him to be held back by something we could have helped with.

CH27

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Not talking at school and your teacher over-reacting when you KNOW that he can talk perfectly well IS a silly thing.

No it isn't!
The teacher was right to raise her concerns.

sapphireeye

I think the confusion here is that it's not about knowing he can talk, this isn't about the physicality of speech it's about the psychological and emotional aspects of speech and why he doesn't talk to anyone outside of the immediate family and what can be done about it. While at 4 this isn't a massive issue, if it continues as he gets older then it could become more of an issue because it may affect his ability to form relationships at school and also verbal communication is quite important when learning about sharing, how to work with others and just generally making sure his needs at school are fulfilled, for example being able to ask to go to the toilet rather than just wandering out of the class which could cause the teacher to reprimand him which would then make things worse. I think kjmt that you are right to be looking for advice, even if only for your own peace of mind. It's likely that he'll have a different teacher every year at school and it will be unsettling for you and your son if you both have to go through this every time he gets a new teacher or starts a new class so if you can be given some advice or strategies now then if the problem is more long term then at least you will have some coping strategies rather than driving yourself to despair about it.

justmel

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Not talking at school and your teacher over-reacting when you KNOW that he can talk perfectly well IS a silly thing.

Utter tripe! I'm sorry but clearly you have no idea what you are talking about,my daughter CAN talk in the physical sense but she does not talk in school or to anyone else outside of immediate family because her anxiety disorder prevents her from being able to.

Just because a child can talk it does not mean it is ok when they are unable to do that in certain situations,my daughter has always been this way and it is something i wish would have been picked up on earlier.

She cannot ask for the toilet,she cannot ask for anything if we are not there and she has to use communication cards instead,she gets terribly upset before going into any kind of social situation and it's horrible,selective mutism has nothing to do with the physical ability to talk,it is a phobia.

OP your son may not have it,i am certainly not trying to label or diagnose him but you are right to be concerned and right to feel it needs looking into,my daughter is almost 7 now and it affects her life a lot more now than when she was 4 plus if it is SM that can take a lot of time to get treatment for and then for that treatment to take effect.

I have spent years convinced that she will just come out of it only to be told that it could take years to get her to speak to even one more person than she will now.

I hope it really is a simple case of your son being very shy but you are certainly not being silly about this,the right speach therapist can either rule it out completely and you can relax or will confirm it and get your son on the right route for treatment and with SM the sooner treatment starts the better.

doodoot

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Tell the teacher to research the behaviour of children a bit more and then try to stop worrying over silly things.
Hes 4 for goodness sake and just been thrown into a new environment and she is concerned after a couple of months?
Jeeze!
And I cant believe the labels everyone wants to put on him. Selective Mutism, Aspergers, Autism. Gawd, hes shy.

Is that your professional opinion?

I take it that you have qualifications to offer an assessment of this little boy just being shy?

No?

Nah, didn't think so.

A child who isn't speaking in the fullest sense when in certain environments is cause for concern - extreme shyness is linked to social anxiety disorder...google it and have a look rather than spouting unhelpful rubbish.

So rather than offer this boy help in enjoying himself when in certain places, you advocate leaving him to crumble inside whenever he has to speak or interact?

My boy has no friends because he can't speak to anyone at school or in the neighbourhood...but according to you, that's OK because he's shy?

You make me want to throw up.

MarilynMonroe_2

doodoot wrote: »

Is that your professional opinion?

I take it that you have qualifications to offer an assessment of this little boy just being shy?

No?

Nah, didn't think so.

A child who isn't speaking in the fullest sense when in certain environments is cause for concern - extreme shyness is linked to social anxiety disorder...google it and have a look rather than spouting unhelpful rubbish.

So rather than offer this boy help in enjoying himself when in certain places, you advocate leaving him to crumble inside whenever he has to speak or interact?

My boy has no friends because he can't speak to anyone at school or in the neighbourhood...but according to you, that's OK because he's shy?

You make me want to throw up.

I would ignore QQO ALL of their posts are inflamatory, it looks like they are just here to cause arguments, they are on my ignore list x