My son won't talk at school

kjmtidea

My youngest son turned 4 in August and he started full time school in September. He has settled in very well and happily goes in everyday, he tells me what he has been up to and who he has been playing with but....

He won't talk at school! He can be a bit shy around new people or different situations although he has 3 brothers at this school so he had been up there a lot before he even started there. He has said the odd thing to his teacher and teaching assistant but if they ask him anything he won't answer. I had his first parents evening last night and his teacher said that it is quite difficult to see what he is capable of because he won't talk and she is getting quite concerned.

At home his speech is fine, he doesn't stop talking. He sings all his school songs, he counts with his fingers like he has been taught at school, he talks about the shapes he is learning so it is all going in. His teacher said that she is going to speak to the special needs teacher and see if she can help but I thought I would ask on here if anyone else had been through this? I haven't made it into a big deal with my son because I don't want to make it worse but I don't really know what to do .
Thanks

There_Goes_Trouble

I may be way off course here, but selective mutism springs to my mind, if I've remembered it correctly. I saw a TV programme about it years ago.

*off to google it...*

FagAshLil

My youngest was just the same. A loud ball of energy at home and a complete mouse at school. She's now 10 and is much more confident but still struggles with asking the teacher for help and cannot sing solo in public, which is fairly common.

It sounds to me like your lad is learning and will probably take a while to come out of his shell - try not to worry too much.

yummymummy79

Was on one of the House of Tiny Tearaways series that have been repeated recently, it was selective mutism. Was basically a boy who didn't like other people apart from his immediate family hearing his voice. They got a teddy that you record a voice into as a way of him hearing his voice in more public scenarios, and gradually involved other people in conversations he was having with his family. They got a reasonable way in 6 days but was definitely a long term thing.

Of course it could be nothing like that at all, and he just doesn't feel comfortable talking at school yet? There was a boy in a class in a school I visited on placement who was similar, and he used to kind of 'talk' through a teddy to communicate, they would give him yes/no options to questions etc. Not sure of the progress though as I was only there for a couple of days.

MarilynMonroe_2

I wouldnt worry too much I was the same, incredibly shy. H eprobably just needs to build up his confidence at school, he's still a baby really.

he talks all the time at home so there is no real problem that time and confidence wont fix xxxx

rjc73

Hi there,
Please don't worry too much if you can help it!! My daughter was very similar. When she started nursery, she didn't speak a word to anyone for 8 weeks although always came home having had a nice time and was very settled. Her teacher really spooked me by suggesting that she may have selective mutism ! I had never heard of this before and it suprised me as I thought she was just quite shy and the teacher was quite a loud person and slightly shouty!! However, my daughter began to say odd words to the teaching assistant and they just built on this very slowly. She is now a completely well-ajusted, confident, able pupil as the school handled her shyness really well and let her develop her confidence in her own time. It has taken a while (4 years ) but she is flourishing now . xx
Your son will hopefully find his way in his own time.

meritaten

My oldest son was exactly the same! I heard the same comments from teachers all the way through primary 'He doesnt take part in class discussions - however his work is absolutely fine'!
apparently he was the same through secondary school - his friends still rib him that the only time he was heard to speak in school, was to a teacher who kept mis-pronouncing his name! son apparently got peed off and shouted 'Its Huw-ell, not bloody Howell'! which had the whole class shell shocked, then burst out laughing!
Take comfort hun, my son is currently working his way up the company ladder! from literally ground level he has had 8 promotions is now management! He still doesnt say much, but that doesnt seem to have slowed his progress.

kjmtidea

Thanks for the quick replies everyone, I googled selective mutism and it does seem to explain him down perfectly - it also mentioned about how children with selective mutism don't like change and it can make things worse. Both his teacher and teaching assistant were off sick one day and he still talks about that day now. On the other hand it could just be that he is very shy and he will start talking soon - fingers crossed!

justmel

Hi OP my daughter has selective mutism,it does sound like it could be that so it's worth looking into,maybe have a chat with your gp?

It could just be that your son is extremely shy though so don't automatically think it has to be that.

Children with selective mutism vary in what they can do where talking is concerned (it's actually an anxiety disorder) but most are absolutely fine at home and it's school that is the main problem.

With that said my daughter only has about 8 people in total that she will actually speak to,she wont speak to ther children either except her siblings and certainly wont speak to another adult aside from the closest family members who she is comfortable with.

I'm not trying to worry you because this really could be simple shyness on your son's part that he can be coaxed out of,usually shy children can be coaxed into talking but a selective mute child can't because of the fear.

I have been told not to even ask my daughter to speak,no pressure is allowed and the thing that makes it even harder is that she refuses to write at school or as a means of communication too.

If it is selective mutism it is best to catch it as early as possible,it took a long time for us to get the help we were asking for because there are not many therapists who actually specialise in it but thankfully we are getting it now.

Don't panic but definitely ask your gp about it and ask if your son can have some kind of assessment if only to rule it out xx

chocolate.buttons

Totally agree with other advice already posted. In one of my placement classes, I was teaching a young boy with selective mutism and some of the things you have mentioned sound very familiar to his situation.
As you have mentioned, it may just be that your son will take a while to adjust and feel comfortable at school, and this may resolve itself. The SENCo might want to wait until a term has passed with no improvement so, if it is selective mutism, you might have to hold tight until January before the ball starts rolling.
When I was on placement, I found these really useful for some info and advice: http://www.smira.org.uk/downloads/viewcategory/4.html
The whole website is really good actually, so worth a look. HTH.

sapphireeye

I'm training as a speech therapist and selective mutism is quite rare so there are only a few speech therapists that specialise in it, as justmel pointed out, however if I remember rightly (selective mutism is so rare that we've only had one brief session about it) there is a certain amount of time that they need to have not talked for in order to be classified as selectively mute. One of my friends was on placement in a school where a boy had selective mutism where he wouldn't talk to adults at school or even let adults hear him talking, so he would talk to his friends if the teacher/TA's weren't around and he would talk to his family but never around teachers. He was still included though and if children know about these things they're remarkably good at compensating for these sorts of things especially when they're very young as they're more accepting.

The program on selective mutism I believe was on the BBC and might make an interesting watch for you as they show a child who won't talk at school and how they managed to get her talking at school. I think with her it started as an anxiety thing and then she'd built it up to such an extent that she wanted to be able to talk in class but she was worried that everyone was going to make a big deal out of it so she ended up writing her class a letter explaining it all to them and the speech therapist did an activity which got her gradually talking to the TA and teacher. She'd actually managed to make school friends by using msn messenger to talk to people from her class!

Does he just not talk to the teachers or does he not talk to the other children as well? As I've stated, selective mutism is a pretty rare thing so I wouldn't worry too much about him having it. Does he like his teachers? Has he seen you talking to them while he's there? He just might be shy or worried about getting their questions wrong!