My son won't talk at school

ikati5

Have you looked at Aspergers? My daughter was very similar throughout school, I thought she was very shy, she had little foibles of her own but as the youngest of 3 I had no concerns about her at all. She has just been diagnosed Aspergers at 15. When I read about it she's classic and has been since she was 2.

geminilady

A friends son was like this, chatted away at home but refused to speak in class, the teacher had said something about talking in class and he had taken it the wrong way and decided not to speak at all.The problem was solved when he moved up a class and got a different teacher.This was many years ago and he is grown up and engaged to be married.I would not worry about your son.

JC9297

I think some people are very quick to think there is a problem with your son, other than shyness. Does he play happily with and talk to other children? My son was always very shy with adults and did not speak to any at playgroup unless he really had to, gradually he got more communicative but was always one of the quieter kids at school. He's always had lots of friends and been really popular with the other kids and had no problems speaking to them, although not a loud pushy child. He's now 14 and has learned that he has to speak up in school, but would still happily sit back and let others do the talking if he could.

clairec79

Does sound like my eldest who they eventually diagnosed with selective mutism (I think it was after close to 2 years of her being like that)

I think it took her over a term to even answer her name during register, she's 10 now and still quiet in class apparently (ie won't volunteer answers, but if she's asked directly she can and will answer - and never shuts up at home), basically we were told not to push her and that she will talk when she gets more comfortable with it, she had her few friends who she felt she could talk to and the teachers (if she thought they weren't looking) could hear her talking to them,)

doodoot

Hi OP, my 11 year old son has SM.

My son hasn't spoken a word during his time at school and is currently getting therapy for his SM and social anxiety disorder.

My advice would be to hang fire until he has settled in fully at school before seeking help.

Don't put any stress on him to speak, and also don't make a point of praising him if he does...which is harder than a hard thing!

Jumping to the conclusion that he is a SM is usually the first reaction, but if he only occasionally speaks at school and is fine everywhere else and with other people then my gut tells me that he doesn't have SM.

Just keep an eye on the situation and keep in contact with school.

magenta22

It sounds exactly like selective mutism.

Although your son seems to enjoy being at school it's still very daunting for a 4 year old and personally I think that it's far too young.

I would perhaps mention to your Dr and ask to be referred to a child psycologist who can advise you on how best to approach this.

Are you sure that you have not said anything on the lines of 'don't say xx to xx' and he has taken it literally? Some children rather than accidently letting it slip they just clam up completely.

hayleyc_2

I'm also an August birthday and started school at 4. Me and my twin sister were painfully shy and wouldn't speak at school. We were just like your son, and would sing at home, and talk about all the things we'd learned. We were just far too shy to speak to the teacher unless absolutely necessary. We were also too scared to ask to go to the loo, and were quiet with the other children too. Looking back from an adult perpective I think we were too young and weren't ready to start school. We were fine with the academic side but we just weren't mature enough. I have a 4 yr old son, who was 4 in October. Luckily because of his birthday he doesn't have to start 'til next September. Although he's not as shy as I was at that age, I can't imagine him coping with full-time school and expect he would probably be very quiet at least to start with.

kjmtidea

Thanks for all the replies again. After having a long chat with my other half, we are going to speak to his teacher again next week and see where we go from there. He doesn't talk to anyone at school, teachers or children, he was at playschool for 2 years and only started talking to 2 of the teachers in the last month there. I can't actually think of anyone that he does talk to other than me, daddy and his 3 brothers. He gets very excited when he sees a friend of mine and he waves and smiles but he doesn't speak to her and she now helps out with his class too.

Thanks for all the suggestions though, it is nice to read through them all

JC9297

kjmtidea wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies again. After having a long chat with my other half, we are going to speak to his teacher again next week and see where we go from there. He doesn't talk to anyone at school, teachers or children, he was at playschool for 2 years and only started talking to 2 of the teachers in the last month there. I can't actually think of anyone that he does talk to other than me, daddy and his 3 brothers. He gets very excited when he sees a friend of mine and he waves and smiles but he doesn't speak to her and she now helps out with his class too.

Thanks for all the suggestions though, it is nice to read through them all

Now that you've said that he doesn't speak to anyone outside immediate family I think I would be more concerned about Selective Mutism. Doesn't he even speak to grandparents etc?

kjmtidea

The only family we have is a great nan that he sees about once a month and an uncle who he sees once in a blue moon and no he doesn't talk to them.
He has always been a bit of a 'difficult' child for want of a better word, he started crying when he was born and he took about 4 years to stop! He had bad reflux for the first year of his life and was just not a happy child so it almost became 'normal' for him to be a shy, quiet, little boy. It was what we were used to and what we expected I guess and it is only now that I am realising that maybe his behaviour and how he is, isn't quite as 'normal' as I thought.