Need to break up with my bf

Welshwoofs

bargainbunny wrote: »

Do you think i should contact letting agents to forwarn them?
thanks

Absolutely, yes. The fact is that it'll be pretty easy to cut your ties with this guy; you don't live with him and you're not financially beholden to him in any way. The only way he could try and 'get back' at you is to withdraw his consent to be a guarantor and if he's going to do that it's must better to pre-empt it.

Put it this way; if you contact your Lettings' Agent and say "My guarantor was my boyfriend and we've just had a really nasty split up. He said that he's going to try make me homeless by withdrawing himself as guarantor" then if he phones up and tries to do exactly that they were forewarned. If you say nothing and he phones them up with some awful story about you, they may be more inclined to believe it.

The bottom line is a Landlord's aim is to keep a property occupied. If you have been there for quite some time now and have been a good tenant then they're really not going to want to boot you out on the strength of a guy ranting at them. Do you have the contact details of the Landlord at all? If so I'd have a chat with him/her direct.

Do not let this chap's threats deter you from splitting up if you don't want to be with him.

The very worst case scenario is that they ask you to find another guarantor (if you've got some idiot agency who just want to tick a box rather than looking at your actual tenancy) and if they do that I'd ask nicely if they can't double check with the Landlord and take into consideration the fact you've been a trouble-free tenant.

Kay_Peel

You don't say how old your boyfriend is. He has two jobs to help him meet his outgoings. He is careful with his money - and it's no wonder when it probably costs him around £1000 a month in rent, bills etc, with just a little left over for emergencies and the odd reward. I'm not surprised that he hummed and ha'd over the guarantor business - I would do exactly the same.

It sounds to me as though he's beginning to resent your family commitments and wondering what he gets out of the relationship. If he's single and without ties, he may be questioning whether you are the right girl-friend for him.

Time to move on.

peachyprice

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The only way he could try and 'get back' at you is to withdraw his consent to be a guarantor and if he's going to do that it's must better to pre-empt it.

But he can't do that unless either the landlord agrees, but why would he/she? There's a proven breach on contract, OP dies or there's a Section 21 end to the tenancy.

It's an empty threat.

Welshwoofs

peachyprice wrote: »

But he can't do that unless either the landlord agrees, but why would he/she? There's a proven breach on contract, OP dies or there's a Section 21 end to the tenancy.

It's an empty threat.

True, yup. I think I'd still mention it to the agency though in case he phones them up with a load of BS about what she's doing in the house. I suppose it depends on how serious she thinks he is with his threats to make her homeless.

bargainbunny

Kay_Peel wrote: »

You don't say how old your boyfriend is. He has two jobs to help him meet his outgoings. He is careful with his money - and it's no wonder when it probably costs him around £1000 a month in rent, bills etc, with just a little left over for emergencies and the odd reward. I'm not surprised that he hummed and ha'd over the guarantor business - I would do exactly the same.

It sounds to me as though he's beginning to resent your family commitments and wondering what he gets out of the relationship. If he's single and without ties, he may be questioning whether you are the right girl-friend for him.

Time to move on.

Hi he is 38 we was meant to get married but i said i wouldnt til he sorted his debts out and he still borrows like mad and wastes money..he got a 2nd job to meet people as he was new to the area a few yrs before meeting me.

He has 2 flats one he inherited and rents out although even though ive nagged him he is not declaring it..
the other he lives in.

Im not after his money and i dont need him for anything really as i have a home i rent. Everything i own ive bought and paid for
i dont have credit... he does and it annoys me that he runs to his sister for loans when i think really by now he should be able to survive without getting loans..
He has already been nagging me about going on hol again and ive flat out refused because id never let him pay again and i cannot afford it anyway.

He debated about resigning as i think he likes having a hold over me..
if he trully wanted to marry me he would not hesitate my previous bf didnt and we moved in together..
I dont like it when he is tight as there is no need to penny pinch and moan when i dont..im careful and he has not been in his past..i just dont want that for my future.

I dont think he would ever leave me and he knew my family situation
when we met just i cant be dealing with this anymore as i need to be at home more and not get stressed out with him complaining he gets no se x when he drove me to get a hoover:eek:

bargainbunny

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Absolutely, yes. The fact is that it'll be pretty easy to cut your ties with this guy; you don't live with him and you're not financially beholden to him in any way. The only way he could try and 'get back' at you is to withdraw his consent to be a guarantor and if he's going to do that it's must better to pre-empt it.

Put it this way; if you contact your Lettings' Agent and say "My guarantor was my boyfriend and we've just had a really nasty split up. He said that he's going to try make me homeless by withdrawing himself as guarantor" then if he phones up and tries to do exactly that they were forewarned. If you say nothing and he phones them up with some awful story about you, they may be more inclined to believe it.

The bottom line is a Landlord's aim is to keep a property occupied. If you have been there for quite some time now and have been a good tenant then they're really not going to want to boot you out on the strength of a guy ranting at them. Do you have the contact details of the Landlord at all? If so I'd have a chat with him/her direct.

Do not let this chap's threats deter you from splitting up if you don't want to be with him.

The very worst case scenario is that they ask you to find another guarantor (if you've got some idiot agency who just want to tick a box rather than looking at your actual tenancy) and if they do that I'd ask nicely if they can't double check with the Landlord and take into consideration the fact you've been a trouble-free tenant.

thank you i know deep down he will kick off as he did last time
so i think how to word it when i do break up with him.. ive avoided him for few days to get some space to see if i can save it but im no closer to wanting to be with him..
My stomac is in knots

wannabe_sybil

You should check on the house buying board, because they deal with people renting, being guarantors etc.

However, my understanding is -

He can't just stop being a guarantor. He signed a legally binding agreement to pay your rent if you do not. You could dump him and there is nothing he could do about getting removed as guarantor without the agreement of the letting agent, and they may not do so. In fact you could split with him, refuse to pay rent and he would still be legally obliged to cover your rent. I bet he knows this as well, as he is a landlord.

If you are paying your rent on time, he is not involved. You are paying direct to landlord/agent - they are EXTREMELY unlikely to evict a tenant who takes care of the property and pays rent on time.

So I don't think he can't make you homeless - but it is a very nasty threat to make, and it keeps you where he wants you.

I would double check this info, but I am pretty sure about this.

Good luck with everything else.

neas

COnflicting messages..

Somene that tight wouldn't blow all his savings on 3 holidays...

Also seems conflicting that somenoe would 'spend/waste' all that monet on you if he didn't love you.

But you portray him as getting rid of you at a bar while drunk. Either he is severely messed up or we are viewing this through rose tinted glasses... which I might add is more often than not the case with these threads... One side of the story and all.

If you want to dump him dump him... dont let money come into it.... otherwise you are just after the money/security with him and not him.

bargainbunny

neas wrote: »

COnflicting messages..

Somene that tight wouldn't blow all his savings on 3 holidays...

Also seems conflicting that somenoe would 'spend/waste' all that monet on you if he didn't love you.

But you portray him as getting rid of you at a bar while drunk. Either he is severely messed up or we are viewing this through rose tinted glasses... which I might add is more often than not the case with these threads... One side of the story and all.

If you want to dump him dump him... dont let money come into it.... otherwise you are just after the money/security with him and not him.

Hi he did blow the money on 3 holidays and a flat refurb it was an inheritance from his dad .
He was silly when he got his 1st flat he had it remortgaged so his outgoings are alot plus he has had numerous loans and continues to get them to pay for normal bills like council tax etc.
Ive tried to help him by saying no holidays etc but on the day to day living he is really tight..but would happily get a loan of his employers/sister or anyone to go on a holiday now.. the holidays we went on was last year..and been together yr without one..
Im not bothered about a holiday after the last one where he did infact leave me for 2 beers..shameful but believe me its true..

one example of him being tight !!! we go to friends party i buy the beer he takes what i dont drink home for himself.. he did this before and id only left one glass wine in a bottle:D

Id hoped that he would be more secure and reliable im not asking for him to take me to posh places etc just to look after his own finances better and not scrimp over 99p /meal deals..
but 2 yrs plus down the line its still happening.

YoungBaker

It's pretty simple - you obviously don't want to be with him, so just call him up or next time you see him explain to him you have had a good time but have decided your not right for each other and your moving on seperately from him.

He can't do anything to you, he has no physical ties to you except a guarantor and as someone has already said, pre empt him and phone up your letting agency to warn them of the issue and find someone else. It is unlikely they will even require a gaurantor if you have been a decent tenant.