Need to break up with my bf

bargainbunny

Hi im hoping for some advice, really stuck in a rut right now:(

When I was 1st with my bf he seemed to be a good guy considerate caring liked same things as me etc.. was careful with money.
Then he came into some money insisted on taking me abroad as he didnt want to go alone etc..me being a single parent/carer there was no way id ever be able to afford it.. we went away to Cyprus had great time..went NYC for weekend then he wanted go to Egypt so with that one I paid some towards it, he got heavy disc as my son is travel agent:D

However things didnt go so well in Egypt he told me to leave a bar with him i did he stayed leaving me to fend of some Egypt guys so obv I was very angry..
he couldnt understand that i was so angry i was in strange place alone and all he cared about was drinking the beer he bought:mad:plus few other issues..

So we broke up.. now he was also my guarentor..so he tells me how id enjoyed 3 holidays on him and that he was going basically make me homeless..I wouldnt care but having 2 children one who has autism too
it was a scary thought..
So I talk to him and he agrees that things got heated and he still be my guarontor.. eventually we get back together..

Trouble is he drives me insane im so unhappy with him..
he constantly embarrases me, he is always saying he is skint, get more money than him..ok ? he is on 22k plus rents a flat out for £625 month..plus does pt job extra £30..week at least.
He insists that I see him most weekends all day/night and is demanding time in the week too.. im a carer an this is not always possible i say this and he demands se x for jobs he does like if he drives me somewhere..he say whats my incentive? ive never said se x :eek:

He throws major moods silent moody type.. everytime we go out if its his turn to pay..he use vouchers or we have go somewhere cheaper even if its 99p cheaper.. he gets in a mood if i want get cab on night out even if its a fiver..i cant walk up his heel i get bad asthma and its a massive hill.

He spies on me on fb and ebay..

I have just managed to get a 12month tenancy and he signed it even though he sat there stewing over it.. that and everything else has made my mind up.. im just really scared about the conciquences when i leave him..
Id stay with him but he would have to change a lot and i cant get over the demands for se x i was abused and it feels like im going through it again..

Im normally really strong but i dont want the kids to be homeless although i have 12 months to save money..we have been together 2yrs 7 months any advice?

Gingham_R

I'm so sorry to hear about all this. This man is very abusive and you are right to have worries.

I don't know what your rights are but there will be others who come forward who know more. I'd suggest though that you speak to women's aid. They'll be able to tell you what your rights are and make sure you are not left homeless with your children.

proactive

easy for me to say but it's like ripping off a plaster. just take a deep breath and do it rather than let it drag on, it'll be better for you all in the long run

all the best

cheepskate_2

you seem to have liked this young man and his company when he was spending, now hes skint and wants to economise with vouchers, now its not ok.
You got him to be guarentor, seems like you liked the money when it was there.

As for the sex, consenting sex, is totally unlike abuse. you have the choice to have sex or not. maybe he sees that you are cooling now the money is away, hes trying to recupe something.

scheming_gypsy

bargainbunny wrote: »

went NYC for weekend then he wanted go to Egypt so with that one I paid some towards it, he got heavy disc as my son is travel agent:D


he was going basically make me homeless..I wouldnt care but having 2 children

Im normally really strong but i dont want the kids to be homeless although i have 12 months to save money..we have been together 2yrs 7 months any advice?

Ok, you have 2 kids and you don't want them to be homeless... so why can't your travel agent son be your guarantor as he's working?

peachyprice

I don't think he can simply decide to not be a guarantor now that he's signed for another year, he can only do it when you renew your tenancy, presumably by then you'll have been there 2 years, not missed a payment so they may let you stay without one. But as someone pointed out above, why can't your son be a guarantor next time?

(BTW, that is a really bad coice of font size/colour, it's hurts people's eyes)

Welshwoofs

When you say that he's your guarantor, do you mean that he's simply co-signed your tenancy so that the Landlord could go after him for rent if you defaulted, or do you mean that he actually put up money for a deposit or something?

If it's simply that he's co-signed your tenancy but hasn't contributed any money, then don't worry about it. Landlords (I am one myself) tend to want a guarantor if they're not sure if a tenant is going to be able to meet rent, for instance if they're on benefits, however if you've been in your house for awhile now and have been paying rent without issue it is massively unlikely that the Landlord would throw you out. If that is the situation, I would pre-empt any pettiness from your boyfriend by talking to your Landlord and telling him that you and your boyfriend have had an acrimonious split and he's stated that he's going to look for revenge by trying to mess with your tenancy.

As for the chap. Well honestly, perhaps you didn't do yourself any favours in the early days by so readily accepting high-ticket gifts like holidays; especially if you then show unhappiness about him taking you to cheaper restaurants or not paying your cab fares when his money ran out. That aside, it sounds like he's not good with money - £22k is a low wage and it's therefore a bit worrying that the moment he came into a good chunk of money he !!!!!! it up the wall on holidays rather than save any of it for such things as future deposit on a house.

Anyhoo - if you can't get on with him then leave him. He's only a boyfriend, not a long-term cohabiting partner nor a husband so there's really no need to hang around trying to work it out. Just sort out the guarantor bit.

bargainbunny

cheepskate wrote: »

you seem to have liked this young man and his company when he was spending, now hes skint and wants to economise with vouchers, now its not ok.
You got him to be guarentor, seems like you liked the money when it was there.

As for the sex, consenting sex, is totally unlike abuse. you have the choice to have sex or not. maybe he sees that you are cooling now the money is away, hes trying to recupe something.

Hi sorry may not have worded it right,im ok with him to not have money
im more complaining that he is really really tight.. to the point of embarrassment..he asked my friend to give him 40p for petrol for dropping his keys to me.. i live 5 mins away..
he asks me do i want go for meal then realises that said place is £5-99 each so we go to £5.00 place..when i pay i pay whatever it is as it was my idea.
he did pay for holidays but i said id go the following yr once id saved but he insisted then threw it back in my face..
He offered to be my guarantor as i needed one in a job over £22k plus homeowner.

bargainbunny

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

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Ok, you have 2 kids and you don't want them to be homeless... so why can't your travel agent son be your guarantor as he's working?

he does not earn enough and is not home owner

bargainbunny

Welshwoofs wrote: »

When you say that he's your guarantor, do you mean that he's simply co-signed your tenancy so that the Landlord could go after him for rent if you defaulted, or do you mean that he actually put up money for a deposit or something?

If it's simply that he's co-signed your tenancy but hasn't contributed any money, then don't worry about it. Landlords (I am one myself) tend to want a guarantor if they're not sure if a tenant is going to be able to meet rent, for instance if they're on benefits, however if you've been in your house for awhile now and have been paying rent without issue it is massively unlikely that the Landlord would throw you out. If that is the situation, I would pre-empt any pettiness from your boyfriend by talking to your Landlord and telling him that you and your boyfriend have had an acrimonious split and he's stated that he's going to look for revenge by trying to mess with your tenancy.

As for the chap. Well honestly, perhaps you didn't do yourself any favours in the early days by so readily accepting high-ticket gifts like holidays; especially if you then show unhappiness about him taking you to cheaper restaurants or not paying your cab fares when his money ran out. That aside, it sounds like he's not good with money - £22k is a low wage and it's therefore a bit worrying that the moment he came into a good chunk of money he !!!!!! it up the wall on holidays rather than save any of it for such things as future deposit on a house.

Anyhoo - if you can't get on with him then leave him. He's only a boyfriend, not a long-term cohabiting partner nor a husband so there's really no need to hang around trying to work it out. Just sort out the guarantor bit.

Sorry peachy i thought it just changed my font.. cant see this well

Hi welshwolf.
yes i paid deposit and he co signed as my previous landlord was unreachable so the letting agents said i needed a gaurentor who earned £22k+ and was a home owner.. i have paid rent on time there was a mix up at the begining but that was the letting agents fault.
Since then its noted that rent has been paid on time.

Yes in hindsight i should not have gone away with him but he insisted and it was only when i broke up with him before that he got nasty about it.. im just worried what he do/say this time as i cant go n like this..i really dont want to move either i have put alot of my time and money in this house aswell as the fact my kids love it too..
but im aware deposits dont get returned straight away so i have to start saving.
Do you think i should contact letting agents to forwarn them?
thanks

RAS

bb

Go over to the renting and buying forum and read up about guarantors.

Basically, once you agree to guarantee, you cannot remove your liabilty, however hard you try (if the EA got it right in the first place, and it they got it wrong then the bit of paper is useless anyway).

You are being blackmailed for no reason.

The only way he can end a guarantee is if the tenant leaves and the guarantor cannot end a tenancy.