Ex Boyfriend Demanding Money

skintchick

Ultimately, his debts are his debts. They are in his name and he is responsible for them. How can he prove you were going to go half and half on the holiday? Lots of people pay differing amounts towards holidays, as a couple, when they earn different amounts. He has nothing in writing where you said youd pay half so he can go whistle.

From your OP it sounds like he did pay his rent/keep to you when he lived with you, so I'm not sure he owed you money (yes I know he didn't pay half but he did pay a regular amount and just like the holiday issue, I think a court would agree you had simply agreed he would pay £250 rather than £500 a month).

I agree that you should contact the police. They can then get in touch with him and tell him to stop contacting you. If he does again, he will then be pulled in. I had similar with a guy I met on a dating website, he turned out to be a nutter and would send abusive texts, the police contacted him, pulled him in to interview him, kept him for hours (because he kept saying he was doing nothing wrong) and then cautioned him. He never contacted me again.

I think contact from police would stop this. Simply deny owing him anything, on the subject of the holiday say 'that is how we agreed to split the cost' and he cannot prove otherwise (especially as that is exactly what was agreed, from your OP).

Just call the police today and get them to deal with him. He is then also on their books for when he does this to some other poor woman.

January20

Cat2011 wrote: »

To be honest I think he has a point with the holiday money. I'd pay him the £550 and also post him a new DVD, just so he can't argue that point with you - it can't cost much. It was your holiday cost and a verbal agreement doesn't mean anything. You can't use that money to punish him for not paying up previously.

That way, if he writes any more letters you clearly owe him no more money and you can take all the letters as evidence to the police.

No absolutely not! He agreed to pay for the rest of the holiday because the OP paid for everything else in the house (in opening post) and the dvd was lost a long time ago, so why should the OP replace it?

I agree with dumpy, if you reply to him and start giving him money, he will only want more.

I would also disagree with the advice to destroy his letters because you may need them for evidence further down the line. Keep everything. If the letters upset you, get a friend to open and read them.

It's (only) 6 weeks since you split up. He sounds like a control freak who is probably unable to accept you left him, so I agree that he is trying to control you and sabotage your attempts at leading a happy successful life without him. Ignore him but get some proper advice ie women's aid, the police and a solicitor.

Gingernutty

peachyprice wrote: »

Do not even open any further letters he sends to you, shred them straight away.

Noooooooooooo! Don't shred his letters - keep them. If you do go down the 'police route' you will need as much proof as possible to back up your claim.

He is effectively demanding money with menaces, harrassing you as he does so.

I agree with Emmzi - that is excellent advice right there.

Under no circumstances write, e-mail, 'phone or speak to him in person - he will see any engagement by you as 'proof' his claims against you are righteous regardless of what you write.

This situation has the potential to get very nasty, very quicky you must get better advice than asking random people on an internet forum.

Speak to the Police as a matter of urgency.

bargainbetty

Please, contact your local Safer Neighbourhood Team and give them copies of all the letters he has sent you. Explain that you have been forced to change your phone number due to his harassment, and that you are now in fear because of his continually sending letters to your workplace demanding money. Ask that his previous behaviour be recorded in a formal statement.

Do not engage, do not send him money or offer it - you will never be free of it. Nor are you responsible for his debt, you paid more than your share of the living costs, and the holiday cost is neither here nor there. Frankly, no judge will allow him any day in court because there is no evidence to support his claim. You were co-habiting, you shared expenses, he picked that one up because you paid others - you are not liable under law, and nothing DVardy says is going to change that. This is why so many people are paying debts they covered for other people - once things are in your name, unless there is a written agreement otherwise, they are just yours.

Ask that the Police pay him a simple visit, preferably at his home. They can give him a formal warning under the terms of the Harassment Act, and advise that further communication with you will be considered a breach of his warning, and he can be arrested. Even a letter after that is prosecutable.

Pass on all the correspondence he sends to the officer handling the case. Keep the copy in your file, but ignore it. If he doesn't go away, they will arrest him.

Don't engage, just keep the police informed. If he turns up at your workplace, call the police immediately. No conversation, call them in. He is most likely to give up and find another person to torment, but it will all be on record about him which will help her in future.

Good luck x

DVardysShadow

dumpy wrote: »

I don't think she should ignore him either.

But I do think that she should get proper advice as to what she should do.

It may be reasonable to pay the holiday, I'm not offering an opinion there.

But she needs to make sure that this isn't the start of "you paid me the holiday money as you knew you should, but there was also this that you didn't pay for......."

And I still think this needs to be logged with the police.

Exactly. You are spot on with this - it has to be directed to closing off all outstanding issues.

krlyr

I agree with asking your local police what to do and perhaps contacting the relevant organisations, e.g. women's aid, before you respond to him. They may suggest that a short but polite message asking him to refrain from contacting you again is necessary - i.e. you can prove that you have asked him to cease contacting and go down the route of a restraining order if he doesn't follow your orders, or they may suggest no contact at all. They'll have experience with cases like this and offer the best advice, in terms of following the law and covering your back.
I also agree with those who say don't pay a penny. If you want to assume a 50:50 split on the holiday then surely you have to assume a 50:50 split on the household financial matters - so he owes you £250 for every month he lived with you, as he was £250 short of the £500 you'd each contribute (ignoring any extra costs incurred by the car etc). To assume a 50:50 would most likely result in him owing you money, if he lived with you for more than a couple of months.

Any

Unless he had IOU note from her, in writing with acknowledgement of her half of the holiday, no judge will hear his case for half of the holiday.

It is ones word against another, judges are not interested in cases like this what so ever, you hear it all the time where one half bails another one out by doing for example balance transfer to 0% deal that the OH cannot get in their name due to bad credit - without evidence that this was no gift but a loan, there is no chance of the case getting anywhere in the fist place.

He is just trying it on, nothing more.

If you give him money, he will only come for more. He might be trying it on for a little longer, but really if he is going to come back he will come back either way.

I personally would not engage at all. Keep the letters where he is harrasing you as evidence and if he does not stop pop into police station. DO NOT let it go as far as him trying to ge close to you physicaly, never ever let him be near you when you are alone.

doodoot

Do as some other posters have advised - keep the letters, ignore him and don't pay him anything.

Don't bother contacting his parents as he is their son and will automatically side with him, regardless of how nice they may have been with you.

As for getting an injunction...good luck with that.

I was told by the Police and my solicitor that I couldn't get one against my ex - and father to my sons - after he repeatedly threatened to kill us all.

I had the texts, phone calls and even online posts on a website as evidence...but apparently it wasn't enough to justify an injunction. :mad:

Emmzi

pfffft

I've taken people on holiday, my choice to pay and stay somewhere a bit nicer.

Never asked for a cheque after we broke up. Ridiculous to suggest debts can be created retrospectively.

eamon

To the OP. Stop dithering around and get the police involved. Also the ex is possibly a nut job and will probably start bothering you in person at your place of work, so tell them as well. The money is a side issue and for whats its worth the ex is skint and is going nowhere near a civil court re the money (solicitors etc cost money). There is likely no documented evidence that demonstrates any joint debt. Sadly the only court this case is ever likely to see is a criminal court.

Be brave.