Boyfriend Possessed by Ghost?

heretolearn_2

I've never gone poking through my friends bathroom cabinets.

OP, is this man from another culture where the belief in spirits/ghosts/possession is a common one? I say that because my other half is and to be honest I try not to think too hard about some of the weird (to me) stuff he believes in, but if you grow up in that environment it's as normal and real as saying grass is green. And it's also fairly common - but wrong - to blame your own bad behaviour on outside spiritual influences. 'the devil made me do it' or 'they are possessed' (no, my OH doesn't say this!) so if that's the case it may not actually be as bad as it seems, he just doesn't want to admit he gets drunk and aggressive, but doesn't realise that his 'excuse' sounds even worse to us. I had one of OHs friends tell me in all seriousness that witches had made his car get a puncture.

If he isn't, however, then he must have some kind of mental problem. I wouldn't automatically rule someone out for that, many of us will go through this in our lives, but your friend needs to be careful as this problem includes aggressive behaviour towards her. If he is not accepting that he has a problem and getting treated for it, then it's not a situation I think it's wise to go into. We don't want to read about her in the paper in a year's time.

blossomhill_2

I think you need to tell her it's him or you - she has to choose now as you are not prepared to support her through weeks months and probably years of propping her up through crisis after crisis and her failing to take your sensible well-meaning advice just because she likes him even though he has already proved untrustworthy and potentially dangerous
Every domestic violence situation starts somewhere and you are giving her the chance to see that going ahead with this unstable man is already costing her her friends

If you meet him and he seems ok you will validate it for her, but you can never truly know what he will be like at 2am when only she is around - rememeber many abusers are charmers too

If she decides to drop him because she values your friendship and advice she will need some support and encouragement to gain better judgement about putting herself into vulnerable to one-to-one situations with people she has only just met

FarmersWife_2

He had a drink and became aggressive???? then was sorry the next morning??

Read my thread... 'Long story, Any advice'.... Sounds like my ex....

C x

Dave101t

the world is full of nutters, and if its part of their culture, its your job to get them to accept the truth, or let them go it alone.
will you be waking up stabbed next time? dead next time?

Sambucus_Nigra

We are focusing here on the ghost excuse. The real issue here is - would the OP's friend ask the OP to meet someone if he hadn't come up with that excuse; say he said 'sorry, I'm a junkie' or 'sorry I'm not mentally stable'? I suspect not.

I can't see what the OP's friend will gain by the OP meeting her ghost riddled 'friend'. Either the OP will say 'yes, clearly ghost-ridden' or 'no, not ghost ridden' and will then say 'yes, worth it' or 'no, not worth it'. But which ever conclusion the OP comes to, it's not them in the relationship and hence, still up to the OP's friend whether they see them or not.


If someone is so scared of someone else that they have to leave with their belongings in the middle of the night, I'd expect any friend to say 'probably not worth pursuing this one luv'. Whether they meet them or not. [The clues are there and should not be ignored].

peachyprice

meritaten wrote: »

and if any female on here says that she doesnt take a look around while she is at a friends house - (I dont mean look in drawers or anything, but bathroom cabinets are fair game) then they are lying! we ALL do it!

Erm, no we don't.

Welshwoofs

meritaten wrote: »

and if any female on here says that she doesnt take a look around while she is at a friends house - (I dont mean look in drawers or anything, but bathroom cabinets are fair game) then they are lying! we ALL do it!

Errr what?? Sorry meritaten but there is no way in hell I would EVER look into people's cupboards behind their backs. No offence, but you don't appear to move in very 'polite' circles if that's common amongst your groups of friends.


As for this guy; seriously? I'd tell the friend that if, 2 weeks in, the guy is claiming to be possessed by a ghost then what other madness does she want to stick around for? Just give her a good shaking and tell her to stop letting her head be ruled by what's between her legs. Failing that, do a meeting at a pub with both of them, wait tills he goes to the toilets and ask him outright what on earth is going on in his head that he trots out a line about ghosts.

jamespir

so his excuse for being a abusive !!!!!! is hes possesd ditch the twerp and find yourself a nice man

davetrousers

I agree with Alan Partridge http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=555dK5XUUVg

cardboard_chewer

FarmersWife wrote: »

He had a drink and became aggressive???? then was sorry the next morning??

Read my thread... 'Long story, Any advice'.... Sounds like my ex....

C x

He wasn’t sorry at all – that is why I can’t understand why she wants to keep seeing him. He said he was possessed by a ghost and it wasn’t his fault!

I've read your thread and that is terrible what you have gone through. Good luck with the court case.