Long Story... Any advice???

FarmersWife_2

I'll try and keep this as short as I can...

Anybody who feels like posting.. Please think first....

3 years ago split up from ex... had been with him 5 yrs .. bad relationship. Rape, assault, chronic alcoholic, violence in front of children etc etc...

Have a DD (now 5)

Ex did see DD for a while all on his terms.. when he wanted etc etc... Every time I protested.. phone lines on house were cut, I was run over, run off the road etc etc...

You get the picture....

Got to court when I took it as ex abducted DD and didnt bring her back, sent me photos of her on my mobile phone.

Police involved.. ex arrested for assault, stalking and abduction although the Police did nothing about the abduction or assault as there wasnt 'enough' evidence.

ex put on bail .. broke bail conditions...

ex reported me to social services because DD had a scratch on her face which was documented in Playgroup accident book, caused by another child.

Police advised me, my new partner, DD1 (not ex's) and DD2 to move away.

Police assisted us to move 100 miles away and we were placed under care of Womens Aid and new police force with a panic alarm at property where pressed 2 buttons together and got police response immediately....

Ex has given up his job has a barrister..

I didnt work but had a house I couldnt live in because of him, was my house before I met him, so I do not qualify for legal aid and represent myself...

Ex has been taking it back to court for last 2 1/2 yrs...

Court will not award contact... ex did see DD2 for a little while at contact centre but there was an 'incident' and that stopped...

We've had psychological report- BAD
Psychiatrict report - Not Good
Hair strand alcohol tests - REALLY BAD
Court has found domestic violence to be true and that we are still at risk from him if he knew where we were

Court wont award contact but ex still keeps coming back to court...

Court has however awarded 'indirect contact' by means of him sending a card once a fortnight and he cant even be bothered to do this.....

Last time at court the court made the indirect contact an Order and had to be proof of sending the cards..... Court also made ex go on a Parenting Course.

Ex has done neither of these things....

YET...

The final court date is on Thursday this week and Ex and his barrister are coming... oh and the new girlfriend is pregnant...

Any ideas...??

Why is he coming??? What can he hope to gain???

CAFCAS is still going to reccommend no contact... Judge is going to go up the wall that orders have been broken... We havnt even received a new trial bundle which is supposed to be with the court 7 days before the court date !!

Thanks in advance... and if you want to judge for any reason go watch X-Factor... Thanks


C x

dirtysexymonkey

sounds like he wants to turn up to scare you/show the judge that hes got a family of his own and that hes not a complete waste. of course this will backfire as you shouldnt show any fear, and his new pregnant gf will hear what hes really like and it will put doubts in her mind.

people like this are never as smart as they think they are.

this is going to sound patronising, but please dont take it that way - bloody well done! you should be massively proud of yourself for what youve done. good luck in court, not that youll need it.

FarmersWife_2

DSm... Thank you for your kind words. Im having a 'wobble' week I always do the week I go...

First time I sat in court and represented myself everything goes out of your head and you just think.. christ what do I say ..

The Court Clerks have been absolutely wonderful.

I agree with what you say... I cant understand why he is coming or his Barrister is advising him to.

His GF knows what he is like she picked him up from the Police Station when he was arrested and knows everything as she has attended court with him from day 1 :eek:

Ex also has another daughter who he isnt allowed to see (I didnt know at the time) and that relationship ended up with unlicensed firearms and violence etc which is why the Police have been so careful with us... His ex will know this too although I didnt at the time

C x

paddy's_mum

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

bloody well done! you should be massively proud of yourself for what youve done.

I couldn't agree more. :T

Emmzi

his barrister may not agree with him at all, he's just getting paid. So don't assume people think he is "right".

You know you are doing the best thing for your family, while his actions are all about him.

Stay strong. Do you have a friend or someone from womens aid that could go with you for moral support?

FarmersWife_2

Thanks all..

Emm I have had a Womens Aid Out Reach worker who has attended every court hearing with me. She isnt allowed to say anything I have to do all the talking but she is there to provide support and if she does think of anything she writes it down for me.

Its a horrible process I feel physically sick just thinking about it and its twice as bad when I enter the court.

Last time I was at the point of asking to leave to actually be sick.

C x

Emmzi

I'm so glad you aren't on your own.

He is just playing mind games because you won't let him control you. Keep going. You're doing great.

pinkcheshirecat

Nothing constructive to say. But sending huge hugs, I can't imagine what you've been through. But with his history, you evidently aren't the only one who sees him for what he is. Thinking of you this week. Stay strong.xx

Seanymph

Why is he going? To bully you - he can't bear the thought of you coping and him not being in control.

You have come so far. Stay strong, protect that little girl - hold that thought tight to you and stay between him and her.

He won't gain anything, I can only imagine that your fear is suddenly the court will send an incompetent judge and he'll say 'oh, it's all been a mistake, Mr xx can have the child instead' or some such rubbish.

You have detailed it here, you know it all - no judge in the land will go against you and endanger either you or your little one. It's not how the system works. It's there to protect you.

Yes, you have to see him, yes you have to listen to his drivellish rubbish. But he can't be a victim in his dealings with you if he doesn't come and put in an appearance - and he's probably saying to his current girlfriend and anyone else who'll listen how you've 'taken his daughter away from him'. Men like him don't take any responsibility do they?

You'll be fine. The judge will be coherent and will endorse the other judges and legal processes you've already been through. Your ex has NO SAY IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. There is nothing he can do at court on Thursday.

Good luck. You did a hard thing, and I admire you tremendously.

FarmersWife_2

Thanks to everyone who has posted and all those who have given support and advice... If I can finish this post through the tears....

We have the same Judge now and have had for the past year.. When it was transferred to Nottingham the Judge was appalled that for the 2 years previous we had had at least 6 different magistrates and judges hear the case..

This one has him weighed up and I am 'slightly' confident nothing can go wrong.... The thing with these things is you never can tell and he and his Barrister lie through their teeth... although I have tripped his Barrister up on a number of occasions.. Ex doesnt actually get to speak his muppet does that for him....

C x

Seanymph

you'll be fine buddy.

I know how quickly that remembered fear kicks in, but you aren't the same person now - he has no control, no power. And how excellent you have the same judge!

Why not plan a treat for your littley and you for the weekend.