Pinot's Potty debt free journey!!!

PinotGrigio41

Why is it that some people think they can take take take and give nothing in return ?

I'm always worried about posting specifics on here as I'm concerned that my Pinot Alias will be sussed by someone that knows me and reads between the lines and figures out who I am ! Maybe I'm being stupid ! My deepest darkest secrets will then be out in the open !

Our debt isnt something we have discussed with anybody, friends or family. It is something we are trying to get on with and deal with ourself. Outwardly we live in a lovely home and are always shiny happy people.......but thats where people start to take us for granted on the money front. Due to the fact we own our own business we have been the subject of many a comment about how much money we so obviously make from so called "friends" whilst telling us how poor they are and cant stock the food cupboards etc etc . Due to the nature of our business it is wrongly assumed that the money we earn is immense but they seem to have no understanding of the lack of guaranteed work, pay day etc etc . They get guaranteed pay on a guaranteed date making it much much easier to buget etc. Buts thats their business and I dont judge them for it or harp on about our situation .

Anyway I'm rambling ,but said friends have a history of not putting their hands in their pockets, be it for a beer, a packet of sweets or something more expensive. We have always been really good to their kids taking them to the movies, pantos giving them sacks of beautiful clothes that our girls have grown out of with not so much as a thankyou. ( They are going on ebay now I have had my LBM !!) I didnt give them because I wanted something in return but I have saved them hundreds and hundreds of pounds . The children are always kitted out in my girls old clothes, but occasionally I do think they could have maybe got the kids a paperbag book or offered to take them out for an afternoon. When Mr Pinot was working away last Christmas and I was home alone with the girls I discovered that they had met up with another set of close friends and all taken the kids to see a film my girls were depserate to go and see , but they didnt think to even pick up the phone or ask us to join them. Mr Pinot says that just because thats what I would have done I cant expect everybody to be the same as me and not to get upset by it. Similarly when he was away for 4 months earlier this year they were meeting up for drinks at each others houses every week, but apparently assumed as I work and run around after the kids on my own that I was far to tired or busy to join them or I was off out spending all of my piles of cash. We went away for a weekend but none of them put their hands in their pockets. Anyway I digress, last night cheap cinema outing cost me £30 instead of £9, I was asked to get the tickets in advance as they were running late which I stupidly did, but was not reimbursed ! I am so angry ! I have tried to explain that things arent ever so easy for us at the moment, but because we keep up a very good show of everything being ok it falls on deaf ears. Yes we have a lovely home that we are desperately trying to hang onto,( I have told one of my friends that last year we nearly lost everything) but they are driving round in shiny new cars, (mine is12 years old and on its last legs, but because we run 2 cars ( the other is 6 years old) that makes us rich as well apparently), with immaculate houses full of all the latest technology , yet I am subbing their childrens trips to the cinema !! I havent told Mr Pinot, he is sleeping soundly but its 4am and Ive been awake since 2 fuming over this. I know I should just march on up and ask for my money, but I find that so difficult and I know the answer will be from both of them, its only £10 whats your problem. Maybe they have genuinly forgotten and will arrive tomorrow with the money but I seriously doubt it going on past history. I have tried to distance myself from these particualr friends in the last few months and this is the first time I have done anything with them in ages, but its difficult not to as the children are all such good friends and instead of looking at why I may have gone into hiding, they automatically think I am being funny. I could go on forever and I'm so sorry for the rant. I wish I could list everything thats gone on but I really feel at risk it would be read on here and they would realise its me, and I dont feel I could deal with the fall out at the moment.

I have been so positive and upbeat, and I'm angry with myself that something so small has got me down so much. I really wish I hadnt gone nad jsut takent he girls on my own or with some other friends who are great and the complete opposite. Whats done is done but I want to go to sleep and this is buzzing around in my head !

Does anybody else have this problem where people expect you to pick up the tab all the time ?!

debtfreewannabe321

I'm afraid i've always been a bit of a pauper amongst friends (having been a working single mum for 5 yrs +..should have gone on benefits but anyhow...) BUT i had my LBM this Jan and confessed to my dad who runs his own businesses, has a VERY large house & several others that he rents out, several businesses and he had just bought another whilst expanding one more. ANYWAY. He confessed to me that he was up to his eyeballs in debt because of the recession ruining a few businesses etc, yet he was still outwardly 'rich' to his friends. I went to visit in the summer & when we went out he would pay for everyone there. I said to him you have to stop doing this, but he said that everyone just expected it. It kind of saddened me that 'friends' can be so greedy, take take take and never giving back. and like you there weren't always invited out everywhere, in fact i know for a fact they were ignored by the family and called many nasty names (jealousy) but when they would meet up the family were two-faced and would expect everything paid for.

I think sometimes we need to distance ourselves from people that do us no good. I'm a believer that people are sent to us in certain periods of our lives, be it teachers, friends, children etc, to teach us life lessons. I believe you are learning one now

i have to say that although i didnt have friends who expected me to pay, i did have friends who would expect me to go out with them once a week for breakfast/lunch/ where ever and it was around £50 each time we'd go out because we would go shopping and i had to hit that nail on the head early into my dmp. I found that these friends weren't 'real' friends they didn't stick around and i've not seen hide nor hair of them since i said 'NO'! you soon find out who your true friends are when you go through a time like this!

I'm sorry i can talk for england, proper went off on one there :rotfl:just my opinion though

debtfreewannabe321

PinotGrigio41 wrote: »

I am heading off tomorrow in search of Candy canes, as our tree was missing something. I have been complaining for days and its just dawned on me that its the candy canes that are missing ! I have read that they sell some cheap ones in Aldi, but Mr Pinot doesnt believe me and fears that I have an ulterior motive for visiting said establishment ! Have no idea why he could possibly think that ?

DS2 and I bought the the choc chips and hot choccie after school but couldnt find any marshmallows. I think I will need to go to Lakeland rather than order the cellophane as we dont have that long now to get them made really. I am looking forward ot making them with the girls ! A few years ago we attempted to make our own candy canes, a total disaster but so much fun ! I think thats a lovely idea filling your youngest childrens with popcorn, at least they wont miss out.

Have seen candy canes in pound shop! and sainsburys DID have a large bag of marsh mallows (small ones) on sale but that was a few weeks back now...

[Deleted User]

Hi Pinot,

Love the name Happy new diary

Good luck on your debt busting xx

PinotGrigio41

DFW,

Thankyou so much for your lovely post after my rant at 4am on Saturday ! It really did help and I agree with everything you said. I think that people so often wrongly assume that as you put it are "outwardly rich" it drives me mad.When we have declined an evneing out due to money issues we have even been asked if we are goignt o be sitting at home counting all the money we earn !! I cant belive people could be so rude. Anyway before I go off on one again I jsut want to say thankyou, and I will shut up abotu the whole thing now !!! I actually felt a lot better aboutit all inthe cold light of day on SAturday .

We had a sneaky trip to Aldi for Candy Canes yesterday but they had sold out. Pinot was on the shelf though so we bought just one bottle to try ! I will head off to Poundland today if I have time !;)

PinotGrigio41

Deleted_User wrote: »

Hi Pinot,

Love the name Happy new diary

Good luck on your debt busting xx

Thankyou PurpleMum ! I think I am at risk of boring poor Mr Pinot to death with my debtbusting, but its all for a good cause !:rotfl:

PinotGrigio41

DFW - I have just reread what I sent you earlier, terrible typing. Hope you can decifer it. I really must slow down !

Yesterday I went through all the as yet unwrapped Xmas presents. I seem to have made a total pigs ear of it all this year . DD1 has the same book, but bought three times. Once in hardback and twice in paperback ! How on earth have I managed that !! I think my head has been far to full of other stuff ! I will put the spare books away and she can give them to her friends for their birthdays ,although sadly alot of the teenagers these days dont appear to read anything other than FB and BBM's ! I have a list of people I have forgotten to buy for. My niece is usually the first to have her pressie sorted has nothing ! Oops. Best I hit the shops with my cash in my pocket later.

CashFlow I&E forms were all completed last night and emailed over to them. I just need them to be signed off, we are hoping for a call today re this and then we can get all the letters out to the creditors and sit and wait on the interest front. Everybody other than Santander have gone very very quiet. Santander continue to hound us, M&S have acknowledged the fact we have told them our difficulties and that we are seeking advise. Capital One have passed to Fredrickson Int and MBNA x 3 have totally disappeared off of the face of the earth. Maybe they are all huddled in a room planning a backlash !! Lets see what todays post brings ! I'm actually looking more forward to these letters than the Christmas cards !

debtfreewannabe321

aye i can read a thousand languages (ok i can't but my son's texting is appalling so grammatical mistakes i can usually decipher :rotfl:)

And glad my ramblings make sense to someone

I hope you enjoy the pinot from aldi.......i also have a bottle chilling at this mo

dfw

PinotGrigio41

DFW, the Pinot from Adi was good thankyou. Very enjoyable and one shall be nipping off there again pretty soon to stock up for Xmas !!:beer:

Other than that what a totally manic week, I am exhausted and think I will sleep my way through Xmas. Panto was Tuesday night, which was good fun. Mr Pinot and myself have come down with this rotten cold, I am just keeping my fingers crossed that the children dont come down with it in time for Christmas. Pressie shopping all done and nearly wrapped now and we braved the food shop today. So now we are fully stocked and ready for the Big Man himself !:santa2: Hopefully tomorrow we will get busy making some Xmas crafts as we have had no time this year and although the chidlren are getting older its still something they like to do. The Reindeer food is a particular favourite although I'm not too keen on tidying up the mess so think I will delegate this year !

On the money front, Fredrickson have written a very pleasant letter to say our Account has been placed on hold while they wait for the CASHflow Financial Statements. They have also amended the balance as Capital One had refunded the £850 reclaimed charges onto my Account yet Fredricksons hadnt updated the balance. Mr Pinot has been away , so I needed to wait for him to be able to autograph the Finaancial Statements before posting them off with the offers of reduced payments. MBNA and Natwest have both provided me with a list of credit card charges for the last six years, so after Chrismtas I will have a go at reclaiming those, and other than that all is quiet.

All clients owing us money have miraculously paid on time, some even early which is a nice end to what has been a manic year !!

Bring on 2012 !! :xmassmile:xmassmile

PinotGrigio41

Well today is Xmas Eve Eve, so in between fighting this rotten cold we have been trying to do all things Christmassy today ! The Glee Xmas album and the Lovely Mr Buble have been on repeat since about 10am !

Pressies nearly all wrapped now, Gingerbread Santas and Snowmen have been decorated by the girls with lovely sparkly beards and tummies. They are planning to take them to my sisters on Xmas Day to be handed out with coffee after Dinner. Still not bought the piping bags for the Snowmen Soup but if I can drag myself from my bed early tomorrow I will rush over and see if they have any left, if not that might be something for next year ! Mr Pinot is on his way home from work and had threatened to cook dinner but unfortunately has been stuck in a mountian of traffic, but as the girls are feeling so Christmassy and helpful they have helped with dinner tonight instead.

Did play a couple of sneaky lines on the euromillions tonight, just incase. The plan being when we win we will head off to join some very lucky friends of ours on the ski slopes in Canada for Christmas......after paying off all the debts first of course !!