Mortgage or Children late 20's

claire16c

pavlovs_dog wrote: »

I'd disagree. Whilst there are some students who are desperate for every single penny they can get their hands on, there are many others who find themselves graduating with such extreme debt because of the lifestyle choices they chose to make as students. Granted not everyone will be able to save as much as Sarah did, but many would be able to graduate with some amount of money behind them if they prioritised their futures over a student lifestyle.

Like Sarah, I worked throughout the 4 years of my undergrad degree and throughout my PGCE year, saving every penny I could along the way. OH worked in retail, but despite his lowly income he saved every penny he could too. We bought our house a year ago, 1 year after I finished teacher training with a £40k deposit.

Yes I was fortunate in that I could live cheaply with family. Many of my uni friends did the same. The difference being that what they p*ssed up a wall on frequent nights out, designer gear etc I invested for my future.

It is incomprehensible to me that a couple with a household income significantly higher than ours can only save £3.5k in a year. All kudos to the OP for paying for his own wedding, but a wedding day is one day out of the rest of your life. In the current economic climate I cannot personally understand the logic of a £5k honeymoon if as a couple they are also desperate to get on the housing ladder and start a family.

You need to decide on your priorities as a couple, and then budget accordingly. If you cut your cloth according to your means, there's no reason why you cannot do all three reasonably comfortably.

I agree that they should definitely be able to save more than £3.5k in a year - of course they should.

But being able to save a deposit for a house whilst you go to uni, for most people is just laughable.

If you lived at home whilst you were at uni and on your PGCE, that is nothing like living in rented accomodation like plenty of people do.

My friend did a PGCE and the money she got from her grant went straight on her rent and food.

gwhizz75 wrote: »

Have a fab time on your honeymoon (which island are you going to? We are also off to the Maldives in May :T) and remember to keep treating yourselves and having fun while you are saving. You only live once and nobody knows what is around the corner. I'm sure you won't be lying on your deathbed in 60 years time saying "I wish we'd just went to Bognor Regis on our honeymoon so we could have bought our house 3 months sooner".

P.S. Ultimately, whatever you decide to do I'm sure you will both be happy. if your wife to be got pregnant tomorrow you would cope somehow and baby would know no different between rented/owned accommodation

I agree. Ive been round the world twice including an 8 month trip which was basically our honeymoon, and I know in 50 years time I will look back and be so glad I did that, instead of buying a house, which I can still do, just in a few years. Whereas if I had bought a house the travelling would never happen.

Person_one

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

It's very admirable that you saved so much money during your university years. Presumably you were driven in working towards a specific goal, than to purely amass as much money as possible? I'm a firm believer in working to one's goals in life, but also that it's about balance. If I'd been your parent, I think I might have worried that you were spending too much time studying, working and earning/saving during your university years. They should be fun too (which doesn't mean spending loads of money and accumulating excessive debt!)

Hear hear!

I didn't save a penny while I was at uni, I just about managed to finish with no debt except my student loan but I lived in two of the world's great cities and truly experienced them, I travelled a bit in youth hostels etc. I made wonderful friends and spend many great hours with them and I made the most of those three short years that you never get back and that so many people in the world never get to experience anything like in the first place.

(I still bought my own place at 24 )

jtr2803

gwhizz75 wrote: »

OP, DON'T cancel, change or feel guilty about your honeymoon. It sounds like you have kept the wedding fairly affordable so that you can have a special holiday and believe me, you won't get anything more special than the Maldives. You're only going to get married once and your honeymoon is the time to celebrate that and spend time enjoying each other for those first couple of married weeks. Buying a house and having kids is important yes, but you have the rest of your life to do that (you're both still very young!). You will never get another chance to have a honeymoon.

Between the two of you, you have a decent income coming in and with your rent as low as it is, you should be able to save a big chunk of money fairly quickly. I think it sounds like you have your head screwed on, and if myself and my OH were in your position, I would be going with your plan of saving for a couple of years before trying for a family. Would your OH perhaps consider delaying for a year, after which you can agree to reconsider the situation depending on how things are going? In the scale of things, a year won't make any difference and she might have a change of heart if she sees you are doing well with savings and building the foundations for a financially stable, comfortable family life?

Have a fab time on your honeymoon (which island are you going to? We are also off to the Maldives in May :T) and remember to keep treating yourselves and having fun while you are saving. You only live once and nobody knows what is around the corner. I'm sure you won't be lying on your deathbed in 60 years time saying "I wish we'd just went to Bognor Regis on our honeymoon so we could have bought our house 3 months sooner".

P.S. Ultimately, whatever you decide to do I'm sure you will both be happy. if your wife to be got pregnant tomorrow you would cope somehow and baby would know no different between rented/owned accommodation

I agree with your sentiments but the whole point of this thread is that the OP needs to decide which to do first, buy a house or have children straight after the wedding....there was no option to wait 2/3 years as many of us have suggested.

In that context, I would scrap the honeymoon (and yes I know how fab the Maldives are, went this year and already booked for next year!) but the OP's fiance seems to have a very loudly ticking biological clock and I can't help but feel the £5k would be better spent elsewhere at the moment.

It's a very difficult situation to be in, I'm not bothered about buying a house or having children so I live to travel instead

anon123456

Wow a lot to come back to since friday i'll try to respond to every direct question

gwhizz. Going to Athuruga for ten nights

Quote: OP, a few questions if I may?

When did you get engaged? When did you move into her grandads place? What is your salary? What is your overall budget for the wedding?


Is Sam's broodiness a new thing? Have you known for a while she'd want kids straight away?

It does seem like it's all come to a head at the same time - ie wedding, babies and mortgages.... What I don't understand is how you've got to that point and it's now all a rush/pressure! endquote

We have been together 11 months, living together 8, engaged 4. Moved into grandads end of march. My salary is 23 hers is 17.
I'm just wondering why you've only got £3.5k saved so far??

Only 3.5 saved as had to buy all new furniture in april at 2k cost, spend 1.8k on honeymoon deposit and £700 on wedding costs so far. I also spent £1600 myself on engagement ring in June. Would be about about 10k otherwise. I believe we can save £12-14k a year in this situation. Hence why 1-2 years wait makes the difference to me.

Sam's always been broody but it was only this week we sat down and discussed when to have them.


The wedding in total will cost less than the honeymoon. We both made the decision early on that the wedding was to be quiet and low key and the honeymoon was to be spectacular. We both always dreamed maldives and it's our final hurrah before life kicks in and maturity reigns.

Honeymoon is non negotiable

I think some people mistake my topic. It isnt a choice of house now or kids now. It's a choice of

1. Kids starting next year after wedding. With only minimal savings to deposit, then top up savings with (almost) certain inheritance.

2. Wait 1-2 years before trying to conceive and have deposit in the bank. We won't be looking to buy a house for quite a while hopefully depending on her grandfather. 5-10 years most likely.

Thanks for all your help

JimmyTheWig

gwhizz75 wrote: »

I'm sure you won't be lying on your deathbed in 60 years time saying "I wish we'd just went to Bognor Regis on our honeymoon so we could have bought our house 3 months sooner".

No, but they might be on their deathbeds in 60 years time saying "I wish we'd just went to Bognor Regis on our honeymoon so we could have started trying for babies sooner as we might not have then left it too late".

I'm not saying that it will be too late if left, but it might. It's not a risk I'd personally want to take.
I'm no believer in mumbo-jumbo, but I do think that there are some things that modern medicine doesn't quite understand. And I do think that, certainly at times, women knon their own bodies. If the OP's OH doesn't want to wait, then I wouldn't want to go against that.

anon123456 wrote: »

Honeymoon is non negotiable

Obviously it's up to you and your OH to work out between you, but you've asked for our comments so you're going to get one.
You're saying that you want money in the bank before trying for children and that your OH wants to try for children now.
It strikes me that if you scrap the honeymoon you can both have what you want?

Or are you saying that you'd rather have your expensive honeymoon than have money in the bank before having children? And/or that you OH is saying she'd rather have the expensive honeymoon than start trying for children now?

If that's the case then I'm bowing out of this thread as it's a triviality. I thought we were discussing a life-changing decission, but it's now sounding like we're discussing something less important than a holiday.

anon123456

Jimmy - so long then...

To me a honeymoon is not a holiday! it's part of the transition to our life together. It's also mostly paid for so it would cost just the same to cancel and go cheaper than to enjoy our once in a lifetime experience.

And three grand is what i'm referring to. That won't make a difference unless theres 15 more to go with it for the deposit and fees

This is a lifechanging decision or it is to me, thank you for trivialising our lives.

I'm going to repost this paragraph as you seemed to ignore it

I think some people mistake my topic. It isnt a choice of house now or kids now. It's a choice of

1. Kids starting next year after wedding. With only minimal savings to deposit, then top up savings with (almost) certain inheritance.

2. Wait 1-2 years before trying to conceive and have deposit in the bank. We won't be looking to buy a house for quite a while hopefully depending on her grandfather. 5-10 years most likely.

This topic has always been about when to have kids rather than if, and relates to how much money i want to have saved at that point

JimmyTheWig

anon123456 wrote: »

Jimmy - so long then...

Cheers, anon. I wish you well - I really do. I hope you and your OH find a solution.

I didn't miss the part that you repeated. In fact I used it and paraphrased it where I summarised what you both wanted.

I do understand that it wouldn't have been your full deposit, and I understand about the costs of cancelling the honeymoon and I'm not particularly saying that you should cancel it at this stage. But I think this is a completely different point to looking at it with hindsight and saying that you could have had everything you wanted if you took a different approach to spending money.
You see, when I speak about the honeymoon I am probably (and I'm generalising, here, and may be wide of the mark) speaking about various other things. For example, next year's holiday, a new car, etc.
So, for me, you either say "We want to have children sooner rather than later but want to build up some cash first and so all other spending is cut to a minimum to acheive what we want. With this in mind it's a shame we booked such an expensive honeymoon, but that's done now so we'll look forward to that whilst applying our new plan of cutting back from now on." or you say "Our priority for now is things like our honeymoon. I'm glad we were able to afford that. Now that's paid for we can turn our attention to children and/or a house deposit but I'm happy to meet my OH half-way on this because we've both already got what we want as we're spending our money the way we want to."

I'm sorry if you feel that this is overly trivialising your problem, but it sounded from your original post that this decision was the most important thing to you both. But it turns out it's not.

DS4215

OP - your partner may insist she stays at home and looks after the kids, but taking 7-8 years out of the job market will make it very difficult for her to get a job. She might not be able to just walk back into a job, and could take years of looking to get back into work.

elvis86

I'm going to sound a tad judgemental here, but it sounds like things between you have moved very fast. Less than a year together and you're co-habiting, engaged, wedding arranged, £5k honeymoon booked and now she wants to have a baby?!

It sounds to me like perhaps she wants a baby at any cost? I'm sure you're very much in love and I'm not disputing that. After just a few months with my OH I felt that I knew it was very special and "right", and now after a little over a year I would probably say yes to a proposal (who am I kidding, I'm desperate for one!:D). And I get the whole biological clock thing. But regardless, choosing to have a child with someone is the biggest committment you can make (at least with marriage there is the option of divorce!) and I really think it would be sensible for you to wait. The fact that waiting would also allow you to better prepare financially is a bonus.

You're a couple and a decision as big as this has to be a joint one. I know of at least 2 couples where the woman tricked the man by coming off the pill (I'm absolutely of the opinion that contraception is a 50/50 responsibility, but a guy can hardly be blamed if a woman deceives him in what is supposed to be a trusting relationship and lies about being on the pill). They're both still together but it's relatively early days, and to me it's an unforgivable breach of trust. The decision to have a child should be the decision of both parties and your fiance should respect your opinion.

anon123456

It's not "baby at any cost" she wants to be young enough when we have them to be still fit and active as they grow older. The thought of her in her 50's with under 18's horrifies her. (sorry if offends older mothers just her view point)

We had a chat sunday night. We are going to start "trying in March 13 when she's turned 27 so hopefully will have one and one on the way when she hits 30.

That gives me enough time to save the deposit and security i want. Both happy