Mortgage or Children late 20's

Xaniwoop

Is there something she knows/fears that she's not telling you? We decided to have the children before the house (and I chose to stay at home with my girls so still no house) because my mum had a premature menopause (at 28) and i just wasn't prepared to risk ending up with no children. I feel I have my whole life to get on the housing ladder but a limited time in which to conceive and having been given a heads-up on possible problems I'd never forgive myself if I missed the boat. Perhaps your financee has something in her family history that is troubling her, or even just a nagging doubt? It might be worth talking it through.

claire16c

Ive been to Hawaii several times for £2400 for 14 nights for the 2 of us, if you need any ideas and theres more to do there than the Maldives. Although you could just stay somewhere cheaper there. My parents went couple of years ago and spent a lot less than £5k.

thorsoak

Actually, I'm on the side of Sam! (few other posters appear to be). She would like to get pregnant straight away - but who is to say that this will happen? It took me 3 years to conceive no 1 (although nos 2, 3 & 4 appeared almost "on demand ).

Even if she were to conceived immediately, you would have 8 months or thereabouts to get used to living on your salary whilst saving hers. Of course, living on one salary does mean certain financial restrictions ....fewer meals out/weekends away/impromptu parties/spontaneous buying etc etc etc - are you afraid of missing out on such things?

And I'm also with Sam about not working until littlest is at school - I worry about handing over my most treasured "possession" to be raised 85% of the time by someone who would not/could not share all my thoughts about how my child should be treated/brought up. But even so, Sam - and you - could find it beneficial all round for her to work part-time at evenings/weekends when you would be able to take over childcare. That's how it worked with us.

I don't think that either of you are acting like spoiled children - you just haven't looked at things from the other partner's point of view. Neither of you is right, and neither of you is wrong - you just have to find the middle path.

Curlywurli

We got married, bought a house (were really cheap then in comparison to now) then had two children. We had no option of renting in a nice area so had to buy. We went on a lovely honeymoon to Australia and never regretted spending the money that we spent as it was a once in a lifetime and we have the pictures on our walls and still talk about it now. Holidays are now all about the children and it will be many, many years until we can go on a holiday that we really love again.
It took a lot longer to have our first child than we had imagined, the second one happened immediately which shocked us. I work part time but only because my parents look after the children while I'm at work, otherwise my salary would be for childcare and childcare alone.

angelil

Wow - you are incredibly lucky!

I appreciate it is not the same in the UK (I have lived in France now for three years and it took me a while to get my head around this) but in other countries purchasing a home is nowhere near as important. Many people rent for their entire lives. I am now OK with us renting for the foreseeable future and like your girlfriend would prefer to start a family instead.

To be honest, I think men cannot see this the same way as women. Men can have children at just about any point in their lives, whereas for women the biological clock is ticking and they want the energy to still be able to run around with their children, have fun socially and with their families, and still enjoy adult life while children are small, as well as still being relatively youthful once said children are grown. My husband and I (aged 30 and 25 respectively) are in a similar position to you - not just in terms of age but also in terms of balancing our financial responsibilities and deciding when to have children. Like your girlfriend I will be at least wanting to start a family (even if not have the whole process over and done with) by the time I am 30. The issue is particularly resonant for me as a close family member had an early menopause in her 20s. So I am afraid I really sympathise with her From that point of view I would say suck it up and perhaps put aside your buying dreams for a few years - many of my friends have not been able to purchase until their kids are toddlers or even in school and unfortunately this seems to be increasingly the norm these days (unlike my and I suspect your parents, the days of being married and homeowners fresh out of school are long gone!). Buying a house can be done at any time but children cannot (especially if you are female).

On the other side, though, your girlfriend may feel differently about the work issue once she has had children: one of my friends had a baby in April and when I last heard from her last month she was really looking forward to going back to work and having some adult contact. Staying at home with the kids full time can seem tempting on the face of it but is not for everyone - and your girlfriend will not know whether it's for her, or whether she wishes to return to work part time, until the children are actually in the picture.

Good luck whatever you decide

FATBALLZ

sarahevie wrote: »

We managed to save up £35K whilst at uni.

Lol, do you really expect people to take that at face value? Either put some context around it so it actually makes sense (I'm expecting that you lived at home and didn't really need to spend your student loan), or don't drop stupid one liners that don't apply to 99% of the population.

In terms of the OP it is unfortunately a reality for most of our generation that a choice has to be made between children and home ownership. Realistically the only way to have both is to put off having kids for at least 10 years, or get much better paying jobs.

Beetlemama

They say if you wait until you can afford them you'll never have them. Took us 3 years to conceive our first and only, we never managed another and we ran out of time (I am 42 in a few weeks, he is 60 in a few months) so I say have babies and work on the house buying as you can.

catkins

How long have you lived together? I am surprised no one has made any mention of having some time together before having children. A baby puts a strain upon most marriages - most people I know that are divorced said things started to go wrong when they had children.

Also, I may well be wrong on this, but I thought a much higher deposit was required than 15%

RAS

angelil wrote: »

Wow - you are incredibly lucky!

I appreciate it is not the same in the UK (I have lived in France now for three years and it took me a while to get my head around this) but in other countries purchasing a home is nowhere near as important. Many people rent for their entire lives. I am now OK with us renting for the foreseeable future and like your girlfriend would prefer to start a family instead.

In most countries the rental laws give much more security of tenure than in the UK, where people can be required to move pretty much every six months and there are very few private rental contract exceeding 2 years.

claire16c

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Lol, do you really expect people to take that at face value? Either put some context around it so it actually makes sense (I'm expecting that you lived at home and didn't really need to spend your student loan), or don't drop stupid one liners that don't apply to 99% of the population.

In terms of the OP it is unfortunately a reality for most of our generation that a choice has to be made between children and home ownership. Realistically the only way to have both is to put off having kids for at least 10 years, or get much better paying jobs.

I certainly find it hard to believe. If any old person could save 35k whilst doing a full time uni degree (and therefore unable to have a full time job), surely everyone in the UK would own a house!