Mortgage or Children late 20's

JimmyTheWig

anon123456 wrote: »

I don't think of it as mine by the way it is Sam's but she has stated to me it would be for a deposit to house.

I think the point was that the money may disappear in the meantime (e.g. it could get eaten up by care home fees). Or he might live way past the point when you are needing a deposit. Or he might meet a new woman and leave it all to her. Or who knows what.

Can you stay living where you are for now? Is the grandfather likely to be moving back to his house?
I'd say where you are now is the best of all worlds.
If you'll be able to afford a mortgage when the baby comes along then you'll still be able to save when the baby comes along if you are living where you are now.

anon123456

Thank you Claire for your reply. As very similar to Sam's situation it means a lot. Sam can't stomach the idea of someone else looking after her baby/toddler. I accept that, if she could work part time that would be beneficial.

My wage is a significant portion of the 40k so i think we could "Just" manage on one salary plus small benefit we'd get.

Is 28 so different to 30 though?

newcook

is there an option for you both to buy her grandads house rather than inherit money?

cte1111

It's not up to us to decide! It sounds a bit like you think everyone will back up your opinion and that will somehow overrule your fiancee.

Part of the process of becoming a married couple is working out issues like these yourselves. Perhaps the best idea is to talk to your partner about why she feels like having children before 30 is important, then see if those reasons are compatible with your wishes to have a period of saving money.

How long have you been living in this convenient flat? And how much have you already saved during that period?

I'm betting you're going to say you've only got money for the big expensive wedding next year.

Someone I knew split up with her husband after 3 kids, saying that she had wanted a perfect wedding, perfect husband and perfect children. She felt that she had only got the wedding and then it was downhill. I think most of us would agree that you don't get perfect, you get the best you can make of real life. If your fiancees perfect life is getting married at 26, pregnant at 27, baby at 28, second baby at 29, then she needs to come to terms with the likelihood of not being able to afford a perfect home too.

Good luck, hope you manage to talk about it and come to a joint conclusion.

anon123456

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Can you stay living where you are for now? Is the grandfather likely to be moving back to his house?
I'd say where you are now is the best of all worlds.
If you'll be able to afford a mortgage when the baby comes along then you'll still be able to save when the baby comes along if you are living where you are now.

Yes Jimmy he and sam's mum have both said that for as long as we are happy there we can stay. He has paranoia so is afraid of the house (thought downstairs had spy camera's) so does not want to return or sell.

So yes we would stay there anyway until he
a) passed away when it would need to be sold
b) need a three bedroom place

Thanks

anon123456

newcook wrote: »

is there an option for you both to buy her grandads house rather than inherit money?

Yes we would have first refusal on the house regardless. But it's a two bedroom top floor maissonette. We want eventually if possible a three bedroom house.

I couldn't buy the house without a deposit. I can't get deposit (kids now scenario) without the house being sold.. Catch 22 a bit

Sammy85_2

anon123456 wrote: »

Hi Mojisola

Thank you for your comment. I don't think of it as mine by the way it is Sam's but she has stated to me it would be for a deposit to house.

His estate is less than inheritance tax, the house is owned outright (no mortgage) and has no surviving partner. His only daughter (Sam's mum) is sole receipient of estate. Her mum will give us this as a gift of cash.

I appreciate your comment but it is secure.

Unless circumstances change and mum is no longer able to cope with the ongoing care of grandad? Caring for an elderly relative with declining health can be an incredibly hard thing to do.

His assests will be taken into account when assessing care home fees etc and you may find any inheritence is quickly drained.



I personally would get a secure family home before worrying about starting a family. With your income and relatively small rent you should be able to save a decent deposit, quicker if you both really want this and tighten your belts in order to save more.

Perhaps if you both sit down and see exactly what you can save each month, work out how much you want as a deposit (and dont forget associated buying fees) and then agree a date when you will have the money together for a deposit.

If you have the deposit money waiting there is no reason why you cant start trying for a baby while you search for the right house.

RAS

Start this weekend by insisting on doing a budget based solely on your income. And then learn to live with it.

Personally, I would recomend that you save the other salary for a deposit. As other have said, at the moment you are in a very fortunate situation regarding accomodation; that may not last. if you have to rent in the big wide world SAm is going to learn a lot about poor landlords and expensive rents, with repairs taking time and massive deductions on deposits because the kids ripped the wall paper and having to uproot them every year or two.

VestanPance

anon123456 wrote: »

Yes we would have first refusal on the house regardless. But it's a two bedroom top floor maissonette. We want eventually if possible a three bedroom house.

I couldn't buy the house without a deposit. I can't get deposit (kids now scenario) without the house being sold.. Catch 22 a bit

If your joint earnings are what you say and you pay as little in rent as you describe, you should be able to save a considerable amount each month towards a deposit if you really tried. Unless you have ran up debts on other things.

anon123456

CTe111

Actually i have 3k saved now but am paying most of the wedding myself. So what i save until may goes to wedding. We are having a small church wedding followed by reception at the local football club. Low key quite low cost.
However are going to maldives for a 5k honeymoon :)

Sam's never been materialistic at all. I have no worry there regarding your post.

I do realise we need to work this out together but was just wanting outside opinion. For all i know i could be being an insensitive !!!!! so was just checking