Mortgage or Children late 20's

anon123456

Hi

I wasn't sure whether to put in this forum or mortgages so apologies if in wrong one. Just a bit of life advice from people wanted

Background
I'm a 26yo man getting married on my 27th birthday next year. My wife will just be 26 then.
We have a really lucky housing situation where we live in her grandfathers who is 80 two bedroom maissonette in an upmarket oxfordshire village. His health declined and he moved into Sam's room at her mum's and she moved out and i terminated my rented flat contract in grubby city centre. We only pay £45 a MONTH rent. Household income is approx 40.5k.

We have been guaranteed if he passes away Sam will inherit £30,000.00. A sum we are grateful to be bequested in the poor circumstances.
His health has greatly improved and is now physically if not mentally fine. All parties agreed the status quo living arrangement is working and are happy.

At the time of wedding would have about 3-5k saved estimate
Now comes the advice time. Sam would like to start a family immediately as she will be at least 28 at first child birth and wants at least one if not 2 by 30. She has flatly stated once child is born will not return to work until the last(however many we have) is school age. I've accepted that so no discussion on that part.

We would not be able to save any money once that happens.

I would like us to save for two years first as assuming employment stays the same we could easily get £20 - 25k saved up in total.

Then we would have enough for a 15%+ deposit to a mortgage on our own or 40%+ if her grandfather passes away, meaning lower monthly payment and lower interest rate.

If we have a family straight away owning a home would be near impossible as i can see

Argument:

I think it's sensible to wait two years till we are thirty and still young in my eye to have kids. Get a good house and start from there

Sam thinks i'm being selfish and insensitive as being a mother is her biggest wish.

Am i right wrong or neither? i think of myself as considerate but am i asking too much?

Sorry for the long essay turned into more of a vent that a query.

Thanks for any feedback
Paul

Mojisola

anon123456 wrote: »

We have been guaranteed if he passes away Sam will inherit £30,000.00.

Please don't come to think of this as "your money". There is a whole range of things that could happen to his money before he dies and there may not be that much left for you to inherit.

Take it out of the equation and make your decisions based on what you are earning and saving.

Person_one

Babies don't always come along on schedule, it might be good for Sam to come to terms with that idea regardless or she'll be terribly upset if it takes a year or more for her to get pregnant.

You don't need to impose deadlines on yourself for things like having children, nobody is going to punish you if you don't meet them, nothig bad will happen of you have your first child at 30 rather than 28.

Ask her what kind of life she wants for her children, discuss the kind of security you get from living in a home you own rather than rent, ask her if she wants to spend her children's playful toddlerhoods panicking that they'll paint on the wallpaper or spill on the landlord's carpets, ask her if she wants to be able to put a wedding picture or a baby portrait on the wall, ask her if she wants to rely on a landlord to fix the boiler in a timely fashion if it breaks on Christmas eve and you have a tiny baby that can't regulate its temperature yet, ask her if she wants to uproot her children and have them move schools if you get given notice on your home and can't find another in the same catchment area.

Two years wait is nothing compared to the benefits to the whole family of living in your own home.

anon123456

Hi Mojisola

Thank you for your comment. I don't think of it as mine by the way it is Sam's but she has stated to me it would be for a deposit to house.

His estate is less than inheritance tax, the house is owned outright (no mortgage) and has no surviving partner. His only daughter (Sam's mum) is sole receipient of estate. Her mum will give us this as a gift of cash.

I appreciate your comment but it is secure.

VestanPance

Buy a home when you can afford one you like in an area you like. Think of it as a home, not an investment.

As for children, have them when you both feel ready for the responsibility of raising a child.

anon123456

Person_one

You summed my side put to her almost word for word. Thank you

VestanPance_ We are ready in our eyes and I'm an accountant. To me it's both

Mojisola

anon123456 wrote: »

Household income is approx 40.5k.

Another useful thing to try is to live for a year on just your salary - put the extra money away in savings. It's worth finding out whether you can cope on one wage before a baby comes on the scene rather than try to manage on a lower income and get used to having a baby around at the same time.

richardw

anon123456 wrote: »

Hi Mojisola.....I appreciate your comment but it is secure.

It ain't yours, you're counting your chickens before they've hatched. Don't bank on this inheritance.

newcook

its quite possible that her grandfather will live for another 10+ years - dont be making plans for his money just yet as he may need to spend it on a care home!

if you are not ready to be a dad yet then tell her - she may well call you selfish wanting to wait a coulpe of years but surely she is also being selfish (and a little spoilt) by stamping her feet saying she wants it and she wants it now

as another poster has said, she may not fall pregnant straight away

also, if you dont want to be a dad just yet, make sure you also take resposibility for contraception in case she 'forgets' to take her pill etc.

claire16c

Im going for the having children before a mortgage. We live in the south too and its going to take us about 3 years to save for a mortgage, and Im almost 28. I dont want to put off having kids any longer and then find it even harder to get pregnant.

We also rent from a family member so we can do what we like in our house, and our rent is low so were in a good position to do that.

However I plan on going back to work once any future children would be say 1 or 2 so thats quite different to your fiance.

Although we should be able to save up a deposit on one or two wages, buying a house will be impossible on 1 wage because of the prices. But I hope to be back at work by the time that happens.

Maybe she needs to reconsider her plans of not working for so long. Atleast a part time job would help you to save.

anon123456

Thanks Newcook

I hope he does live 10years plus i love him to bits. I'm not making plans for this money hence why i want to wait for a couple of years and save the deposit myeslf. Any money from inheritance just increases the deposit i plan to have.

I'm ready and happy to be a dad now. I would be happiest man alive if i come home and she's pregnant now. I just want to be ready and happy in our own home and able to afford the child more comfortably.