I don't like my mother!

elantan

I wonder if your my sister lol ... My mother uses religion as a weapon as well

londonsurrey

elantan wrote: »

I wonder if your my sister lol ... My mother uses religion as a weapon as well

Lol.

I don't think that the use of religion as a weapon is a coincidence. The thing is the NMs are great opportunists, and turn everything possible into weapons, opportunities, etc.

They use the fact that they are mothers (irony of ironies), the fact that you made some mistakes in your past (yes, she's known you since year dot, and knows you've made some mistakes and have some weaknesses, a bit of an unfair advantage, eh?), the fact that religion is recruiting, the fact that you would like to maintain relationships with your family members, the fact that you're a polite person, etc, etc.

If it weren't so unpleasant being in their sights, I could almost a quite appreciate the sheer temerity of the artform!

Paddles

I've been reading this thread with interest and have to say many years ago I might have been quite shocked that people can cut off their family members, but I think the past eight years or so have taught me that some people are just not good parents, or are downright poisonous and will destroy/hurt you repeatedly/wreck everything they can if you let them. It's a shame but it's true. I have been so lucky with my family, but my children less so - my girls nan had to be dragged round to see them as newborns, barely glanced at them and then told my OH that they didn't look like him and probably weren't his! Something she kept up for quite some time in the case of the younger one and her and her dad never really bonded....

DS1's nan just disappeared (along with his dad) and was not heard of again for nearly three years when they both turned up with a long list of excuses about how hard life was for them! His dad still messes him around constantly and it's heartbreaking to watch, I'm hoping one day he just cuts him off for good, but that's his decision.

Anyway so no one should feel bad for making what is usually a really painful decision, and I hope you all get poisonous person free 2013s!

muckybutt

Ahhh the old religous ploy!

Had that one thrown at me as well, that and the power or crystals - drinking crystal exilir's with her saying it'll make things better, crystals under the bed, necklace's etc etc

She's probably beside herself with grief at the moment because the world didnt end last week as she seemed to think so, she got into the whole Myan thing about a year or so before I said good riddance. Loads and loads of books on it of varying different theories etc

Sommer will know where i'm coming from here but I bet your exnm always had that "stare" ? mine did, it was a stare that could see through concrete, completely glazed over in her own world, even more so when she was on the "wonder drugs" lol wonder drugs yeah right....mutant zombie we used to call her when she was on them.

Forgive and forget : I wonder if any could forgive a mother that came at you with a carving knife intent on maiming / killing you ? I doubt many could, which was another situation of mine after my aunt died, as I said earlier I could see something was going to kick off so I spent the night elsewhere. The next day on turning into the close where we lived I saw two cars outside the house, one being my ex stepdad the other being the gp's car, I had that horrid gut wrenching moment then wondering what I was going to face. The gp she had attacked, my bro who is older than me didnt know what to do, she had tried to kill the cat saying it was posessed and she had also tried to kill my half sister.....welcome home
Soon as I was there it was oh ds is back he'll manage to keep her under control while we get the police and get her sectioned, as luck would have it I did I kinda know what to say, but had she changed towards me then in no uncertain terms I would have took her down there and then by any means, so much was I prepaired I even went to the lengths of making some plastic handcuffs out of tyraps like the police use....just in case !

Argueing with your mum is one thing but when you have to deal with something like that day its something else, I know it'll be with me till I die and theres no getting rid of it no matter how much it's talked about or how much I try to hide it.

happyhaddock_2

Just bumping this up in case anyone needs it, sorry I dont know how to do a link.

olibrofiz

I've just read through the whole thread, and felt sadness, anger & amazement - not to mention a few twinges over whether I could be a NM myself! I don;t think I am, but would I be able to recognise if I was....

I also recognised quite a few things posted that my parents did to me - but not to the extent you all experienced. And I was always told i'd never achieve anything, never amount to anything, no 'poor bloke' would ever want me, I'd never have any friends. And emotional blackmail, broken promises, ah, had lots of that.

Dad's gone now, so mum leans on me, a lot. I try my best to be there for her.

Wishing you all have a not too stressful year x

EDIT: I don't begrudge helping my mum, she helps me too - she just needs to realise i'm a grown up & stop trying to control every aspect of my life

happyhaddock_2

Hi olibrofiz, its certainly not the easiest of things to recognise in yourself or other people, its taken me nearly 50 years to come to terms with it

With regards to your mum I dont think they ever learn to see us as adults in our own right (I'm hoping i will be able to do this with my own children but who knows!) However its nice that you still feel able to support your mum, unfortunately its something I am unable to do.

Hope its helped a little bit, I know it did me good just knowing it wasnt all in my head x

happyhaddock_2

Well its finally happened, got the news today that mum has acute liver failure and only has 1 week to live.

We also had a 'dry run' earlier this week when neither my sister or the emergency home help people could contact her. It turned out then that she'd fallen again and couldn't get up, but for about an hour I was faced with the real possibility that she had died.

As a result I think I know how I would react to the news and I have to say that I just felt nothing. I thought 'well that's it, she's gone and I never got to see her again'. Once again there was no emotion?.

I'm not posting this looking for sympathy, but really would be grateful to hear if anyone else has gone through this feeling the same emotions? I suppose the biggest question is should I see her whilst there's still time. Its not something I feel comfortable with but my sister is really upset and I don't know if it will help her

Thanks for reading once again.

Ladyhawk

I have no idea, as I have not gone through anything remotely similar... however if indifference is your honest reaction then I really wouldn't bother going to see her. What the point?

Own_My_Own

happyhaddock wrote: »

Well its finally happened, got the news today that mum has acute liver failure and only has 1 week to live.

We also had a 'dry run' earlier this week when neither my sister or the emergency home help people could contact her. It turned out then that she'd fallen again and couldn't get up, but for about an hour I was faced with the real possibility that she had died.

As a result I think I know how I would react to the news and I have to say that I just felt nothing. I thought 'well that's it, she's gone and I never got to see her again'. Once again there was no emotion?.

I'm not posting this looking for sympathy, but really would be grateful to hear if anyone else has gone through this feeling the same emotions? I suppose the biggest question is should I see her whilst there's still time. Its not something I feel comfortable with but my sister is really upset and I don't know if it will help her

Thanks for reading once again.

Seeing her is completely your choice. Do you think you will get anything out of it. If yes go, if no don't. But just make sure that the choice is for you and not her or your sister.

I have said before on other threads that when my mother has gone I will not go to the funeral.
I will find it hard to see people upset she has gone. I will want to shout at them to stop, so it is best I stay away.
The day she goes is the day the lie stops, I am not going to carry it on just so her funeral goes smoothly.

It is time you put yourself first. You are the most important person in this. Do not feel bad no matter what you decide to do. You have been through to much already.

Thinking of you OMO xx