Christening....which religion.....

lizzywig

Husband and I are expecting our first in about a week and we've been talking about getting our baby christened. I'm the first to admit that I don't know a huge amount about religion which is why I am asking for some advice, a bit of a taboo topic and I certainly don't want to cause any disagreements but could really do with some explaining.

My grandmother who died last year was very religious, she was very important to me as she was the only grandparent who was alive since I have been. When I was a teenager (when I spent the most time with her) I disagreed about a lot of things and didn't show a huge amount of interest in the religion which was so important to her. I do feel like I let her down and when she went into a home (she was in her late 90's) I didn't go and see her as much as I should have. Ironically at this point having lots of fond memories of her (although it didn't seem like it at the time) and I honestly felt like it would be too hard to see her. I did go but probably only 2 - 3 times a year using the 250 mile distance as my excuse. Since she died I have looked into a lot of family history and I now feel like I let her down during my teenage years being too much of a stroppy teenager. I would love to have our baby christened as the same religion as her (husband is happy with this) but upon investigation this does not seem like such a simple matter.

When my Grandmother was born her Dad was a High Church minister, when she was in her late teens he decided that he wanted to convert to Roman Catholic. As Roman Catholic vicars are not allowed to be married he left the church and got a 'normal' job. She then carried on life under the Roman Catholic faith along with her family. In her early 20's she met my grandfather who was a Church of England vicar, they married and had a thousand children, she became the organ player for my grandfather's church. When she was in her 40's she started working in an old people's home and became heavily influenced by their faith (Roman Catholic). She decided to convert back to being a Roman Catholic and subseuqently my grandfather ended up banning her from church (and the organ playing). Bearing in mind it was the 40's/50's (I think) this caused quite the scandal, she stayed a Roman Catholic until the day she died. Although their children are all COE.

So this leaves me thinking that there is no right answer and that my grandmother would be happy with whatever decision we come to? I also feel inclined to believe that perhaps that is the niave opinion of someone who doesn't know very much about religion. Obviously no one could tell me what she would have wanted but what do you read from the situation? Do you think my judgement would be correct in that she would just want us all to be happy...?

On a more pratical note what requirements are there for getting your child christened. Obviously going to church is important and although we have been lax we always go at Christmas and do try to go a couple of times each year. I should add that the church we go to (be it infrequently is COE). It seems to me that COE is probably the place for us to continue going....however....hubby's family are dedicated Roman Catholic and I don't know if they will be as understanding or 'flexible' as he is. I'm not saying that Roman Catholic's are not understanding, just that his family are very passionate. However I'm not sure if we could even have our baby christened in a Roman Catholic church, we were married in a registary office and as I understand this might be frowned upon?

So anyone's thoughts would be welcome as I feel like more than a novice in this area.

Emmzi

when you have a child christened/ baptised/ whatever you are promising to raise them in a faith. It sounds to me like you haven't put foot over the door of a church for a while except for the "nice" occassions so that would be a false promise.

you could have a non religious naming ceremony at home, and remember your dear relatives at it?

mrcow

Do you actually believe in God? Or are you asking because you think it's what's expected of you?

You do know that you have to make a declaration of faith at a baptism?

dirtysexymonkey

why would you want to force your child into a religion/cult? just have a naming ceremony instead as that seems to be the thing that you actually want. if your child grows up to want to believe in a god then fair enough but you shouldnt force them into it.

vroombroom

its a minefield, let me tell thee:D

I was christened Catholic due to pressure from my father's family (Irish Catholics) but my mum's side are CofE.
I used to go to church (not regularly but enough) until I was about 14/15, mainly due to a bunch of hyprocrites in the family shall we say;)

Anyhoo we're getting our son christened in a beautiful CofE church in the village where we live and where his greatgrandparents got married x

I actually havent mentioned I was christened Catholic yet....:eek:

purple45

My son asked me to be a Godparent to his first child. He does not believe in god, he is having the baby christened because it is the traditional thing to do and what his Dad would do. I asked him to think about what he was doing and told him that a baby does not have to be christened. I have declined the offer to be a Godparent. I do not believe in god, and I believe that alot of the evil in the world is carried out in the name of religion. Religion is based on stories written by people. People bend the truth to get what they want. For me, attending a church service and going through the pretence of being a godparent would be wrong. I do not wish to show any support for the church whatever the faith may be. It means nothing. I will be a good person to that child no matter what. I am sure that you've heard of what has happened to jews over the years? Well you should also find out what the catholics are capable of in the name of their faith!

Don't just do it because of someone else's opinion. Decide for yourself what you believe.

Sambucus_Nigra

If you have to ask the question, then you should not do it!

skintchick

I don't understand why you would commit your child to a faith and commit yourself to bringing them up in that faith, while proclaiming yourself to have such a faith (because you do have to do that during the ceremony), when in fact you do not have a faith. Bizarre.

Emmzi

and if you want a godparenty type role, my friends had a lovely naming ceremony with "guideparents". Which meant they could ask non religious friends to protect and look after the kids... was very nice and they had their pick of the agnostics and athiests too.

*max*

Why exactly do you want to have your child baptised? Is it just to honour your grandmother's feelings about it? If so, I think you are going about it the wrong way, to be honest!

You don't seem to be religious yourselves, so you basically just want to "absolve" some sort of guilt you have towards your grandmother via your own child.

It's really unfair on your baby frankly, because 1/ you are doing it for all the wrong reasons, 2/ it would be a deception (well, for religious people it would be, I assume) 3/ your baby doesn't have a say in it, obviously.

I think you should have a nice family get-together for the naming ceremony, as others have said. Then, when your child grows up, he/she can decide if/what they want to believe.

balletshoes

I agree with others who say that, on the face of it, you don't really appear to be committed enough to any religion to bring your child up in that faith, and so really whats the point in having your child christened?

I'm not having a go, I was christened, my parents were regular church-goers and so was I all through my childhood. Since I left home and started work, I think I've probably been to church (outside of wedding and funerals) half a dozen times in over 20 years. My child isn't christened, never even considered doing that. I prefer to allow my child to choose her own faith (or not), when she feels she's ready.