Which way around should it be?

mildred1978

saidan wrote: »

this thread is fascinating - and shows it takes all sorts for the world to go round

we are pratising christians - so celebrate christmas- but not really the commercial side of things....

we never had a tree, but once our children came along they wanted one - so we had one......with an angel of the lord on top LOL :rotfl:
we don't do santa at all - our kids know other children believe and know not to spoil it for them, this means no grotto's, no being santa in the school play etc
we do have gifts - but they know they are from us - and they take great delight choosing gifts for their little cousins/friends. they will say 'we give presents to remember Jesus' birthday'...our house does not look like an argos store however, they have one main gift (this year lego fire set) and a stocking from us with little things eg, chocolate coins, crayons, toy car, bouncy ball. they do have gifts from the rest of the family. we don't write letters to santa or have a 'wish list' - the boys accept gifts without writing lists for others to look at (it helps we have no TV so no adverts for months before lol)
we send cards - but only religious cards to our closest friends/family - the children send an 'oxfam' card to their whole class eg we bought 500 school lunches - rather then cards to individual children.
we attend church on xmas morning - they open stockings, go to church, have lunch then open their main present.

we never planned to do the tooth fairy - and had never told them about it. ds1 came home last year with his first lost tooth in an envelope from school - and said 'if i put this under my pillow the tooth fairy comes with money for it' :eek: so as we didn't want to break his heart we did it.......we're not thrilled about this 'lie' but also accept that he goes to school and has chosen to believe this...i'm sure it will do him no harm when he learns the truth though

OP if i were you i'd send a 'best wishes' card - or a blank card with a nice picture and write a lovely message - or your ds handprint with his good wishes for the season or something.......there is no point hurting others feelings over something this silly.

i find xmas so so commercial these days - i struggle to make it religious for my family, i'm sure you could have a lovely day without even trying to taking the 'jesus' bit out of it - if you wanted to do that for your ds it is very much possible.

hth, saidan

Watch out for jojo and her pitchfork - no Santa? You may as well beat him black and blue!

(seriously, thank you for showing that it's not an issue, and that it's possible not to follow the herd).

mildred1978

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If you weren't here for advice or a debate, what were you here for?


I know - validation.


Yes, dear, you're right. Whatever it is.

[pats Mildred on head and goes to somewhere more interesting]

Finally! :T

You've gone so far past my original musings, missed a whole generation out in your surmising of the situation and got whole of completely the wrong stick several times over. Better luck next time. You may find actually reading the post helps

claire16c

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I agree that Jesus more than likely wasn't born then but that is the date when we remember His birth.

The problem is that for many Christmas is simply an excuse to spend money they can't afford, to eat and drink too much and generally overindulge.

I am very happy for everyone to celebrate but at least they should know and acknowledge what it is they owe the celebration to.

But what sort of thing/action would you expect someone to do to 'acknowledge' it though?

Im sure 99% of people know the reasons behind Christmas, but if you are not religious what exactly would you expect that person to do about it?

They wouldnt acknowledge it by going to church for example, becaue theyre not a Christian. I dont know what you would want to happen?

Lunar_Eclipse

JC9297 wrote: »

But why would you need to lie about them, answer in an age appropriate way yes, but no need not to be honest.

Well, exactly. That's the whole point I'm trying to make. There are always ways of answering questions that don't ever need to involve lying. (I realise my example weren't great, but I'm pleased you got the message.)

Marisco

But kids are not daft!! If they see other parents gushing over the paint blobs on a card, and you're there trying to explain why it's not quite up to Van Gogh's standard, they'll soon suss that you are less than pleased!! What actual harm does it do when they are little? To say that kids who believed in Santa and Fairies (who live down the bottom of my garden;)) when they are small, to lying about taking drugs, having sex, thieving, etc when they are older, is ridiculous!!

jellyhead

mildred1978 wrote: »

2. I've said that things may change in years to come. I'm keeping an open mind.

That's fair enough

As has been said, you can have a christmas that isn't overly commercial and vulgar if that's what feels right in the future. I ignored christmas completely once I'd left home, and only started to do things when my first child wanted to.

Last year my youngest wanted to see Santa at the school christmas fayre but it was hot, he was tired on a school night, the queue was like alton towers and I didn't want him to see santa in november anyway, so we went to a forestry commission grotto with real reindeer where they were given a baby fir tree - much nicer than an overpriced little wendy house in the middle of a toy store or a school fete in november

There's a huge range in the ways that we celebrate christmas, as many threads I've read over the years have demonstrated. I try to keep things simple, some people like to have an extravaganza. It's all fine, it will still be lovely because it's a gorgeous timne of year, the lights are magical etc.

jellyhead

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If you've taken drugs you may not wish to share that with your children.

I've told my teenager that I took drugs while I was at uni. He is more likely to take our advice and listen to our cautionary tales if he thinks we might have a clue what we are talking about.

euronorris

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm not saying that anyone can't celebrate at Christmas, I'm saying that they should at least acknowledge 'the reason for the season'.

I don't understand why though?

It is entirely possible to celebrate multiple festivals on the same day.

Your desire for people to ackowledge the Christianity aspect of it, suggests that you feel people have 'stolen' the holiday from Christians or that it's disrespectful, and I don't believe either to be true.

euronorris

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If you've taken drugs you may not wish to share that with your children.

I actually intend to be very honest with my children, and provide them with the benefit of my honesty, experience and knowledge on the subject.

If they are curious, I would rather they know the facts and make an informed choice about what to do, instead of bowing to peer pressure with no real understanding of the risks they are taking and the effects it will have on their body.

I hope that such an attitude will create an open and honest relationship with them.

JC9297

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Well, exactly. That's the whole point I'm trying to make. There are always ways of answering questions that don't ever need to involve lying. (I realise my example weren't great, but I'm pleased you got the message.)

But what I meant was that they aren't situations where you would be saving the child's feelings by not telling the truth, they are just awkward questions.

I think some people are too hung up on what we mean by lying, if we tell our children a fictional story are we lying to them, of course not. If your child has an imaginary friend do you tell them off for lying and sit them on the naughty step? I think we all know the difference and children do too.