Presents for ungrateful dad

codemonkey

meritaten wrote: »

hun - have you just sat there mortified in the past? you need to get at the root of this as you say that in other ways he is a 'good' dad!
My OH often appears ungrateful - but the truth is, that he gets very emotional and embarrassed when given a present. he may love it - but will put it aside with no comment or what sounds like a grudging thanks.
I finally found out that when he was little if he expressed too much delight over a gift his older brother would then break it or belittle it! so he learned to hide his feelings.

please tell your dad that it upsets you that you cant seem to choose a gift he likes - could he please tell you what he really wants to save your feelings when he rejects your gift - as it feels like he is rejecting YOU! and I WOULD put it as strongly as that.

I have told him that what he does upsets me. My mum has also told him off about being ungrateful about presents in the past. He just grumbles and then does the same at the next present opportunity.

He does get emotional - he cried when he was giving me away at my wedding - but I don't think that's it. He didn't even look at his birthday present.

scheming_gypsy

Play him at his own game and buy him a drawer tidy. When he pulls his face you can hit him with 'Well you always put the presents in the drawer so i thought you might like one"

codemonkey

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

Play him at his own game and buy him a drawer tidy. When he pulls his face you can hit him with 'Well you always put the presents in the drawer so i thought you might like one"

What a brilliant idea!!!

The latest present thing is giving my brother the bottles of whisky he gets. He used to drink whisky so most of the family get him bottles of it, but he doesn't drink anymore so he's been giving it to my brother. My brother has been dropping hints that dad wants a bottle of this malt or that malt so he gets it. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

make_me_wise

codemonkey wrote: »

I'm starting my christmas shopping just now (know it's early but after the snow last year blocked deliveries for most of December, I've decided to get a head start) and I'm struggling for a gift for my 78 year old father.

Ever since I can remember, any present I've ever given him is met with sarky comments and being banished to a drawer or given away. For example, he used to be a signalman and loves trains and has a model one in his bedroom, so one year I decided to buy him a train set. It was really expensive and over budget at a time I couldn't really afford it but I couldn't think of anything else and really thought he'd like it. He unwrapped it, said "what did you buy me that for?", then gave it to my brother, right in front of me. It was his birthday a few days ago and my husband had bought him a mug that stirs itself, and I made him a hamper of teabags, coffee, tablet and biscuity stuff (figured at least it wouldn't get wasted), and all he did was ask if I'd been to a jumble sale and leave it on the floor, still in the gift bag. He didn't even look at it.

I know its stupid to get upset, but I like to put a lot of thought into presents and hate the money wasted by buying stuff that just goes into drawers or is given away immediately.

I should point out that in other aspects of life my dad is a lovely man and a very supportive dad. It's just presents that turn him into an ungrateful old git.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

If my dad were that ungrateful I would buy him some cheap as chips socks and wrap them in bog roll. Treat him with the same contempt he shows to you.

marywooyeah

My dad is the same - either screws his face up or makes some loud sarcastic comment about how rubbish the gift is or how he'd never use or like it.

I wouldnt get your dad anything if I were you. If everytime you spend time and effort and money getting him something he reacts like that he doesn't deserve to have a daughter who will keep trying to find something he likes despite being treated badly in return.

I've stopped buying for ungrateful relatives and when my dad asked about it I just said "well you never like anything I buy so I stopped wasting my time, effort and money on you". he was a bit stunned but knew it was true so had no comeback. Maybe doing so will trigger an apology/explanation from your dad.

Spendless

codemonkey wrote: »

Actually, now you come to mention it, I've not heard many stories from his childhood, but there is one of him coming home from work as a young man to find an orange and a bar of chocolate (rare post-war) on the kitchen table only to be snapped at by his mum "It's not for you, it's from your sister!". I don't think my grandmother was a very nice woman.

Awwww. That obviously made an impact for it to be one of few stories repeated to you. Get him a Terrys chocolate orange and a message 'Dad, This IS for you' love codemonkey xxxxxx

motherofstudents

Aaw, I feel quite sad for both of you. It must be hard after having put so much thought into presents to have them rejected but I do think he can't help it especially as you say he is a good dad in other ways. I know it's hard but try not to be upset about it. Something has made him that way and it's not your fault. Just give him a little something and let him be grumpy. You'll probably never know why he is like this so try to concentrate on the good bits. I do hope you have a happy Christmas.

Murtle

Can you get him something like this http://www.pricelesstreasuresonline.com/ and get him to complete it?

I always like to believe people aren't grumpy for no reason, as mentioned before there could be something in his history that is the key to the understanding.

Mxxx

Spendless

I also remember this from a thread last year.

http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/nothing-nothing-gift-gift-of-nothing.html?gclid=CLfs6NnE66sCFUEY4QodD1Oeew

blue_monkey_2

Spendless wrote: »

I also remember this from a thread last year.

http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/nothing-nothing-gift-gift-of-nothing.html?gclid=CLfs6NnE66sCFUEY4QodD1Oeew

Fantastic. 10% off too, LOL. 10% off nothing. Quality.