How do I deal with this then??

podperson

You would need to check up on it but as far as I am aware most apprenticeships now need to be approved by a governing body or a local college and as long as they are then she is still classed as being in training/education rather then officially working - and therefore you can still claim for her.

dirtysexymonkey

Treading_Water wrote: »

We have always tried our best not to favour one child over another and think we manage it well most of the time. I believe that there are occasions though where some things seem more fair than others, depending on where you are looking from.:(

im sure you do but in this case you are failing miserably. you should absolutely insist on a contribution when your children are working full time and earning as such, but when studying and training, you shouldnt. especially not when you have given one daughter such preferential treatment.

how can you fund dd1 completely (and exessively - does she really need a car? i find it hard to believe that the cost of you driving and picking her up is more than petrol, insurance etc for a teenager) but expect dd2 to fund herself and pay you for the privilege?

dirtysexymonkey

podperson wrote: »

You would need to check up on it but as far as I am aware most apprenticeships now need to be approved by a governing body or a local college and as long as they are then she is still classed as being in training/education rather then officially working - and therefore you can still claim for her.

only if the course is programme based, not work-based. stupid rule but what can you expect?

claire16c

It would be extremely unfair to charge your youngest rent whilst you pay it for the other one! Also even if you were to put the money away for a future occasion for her this will not solve the problem because she will still spend the 2 years or however long her apprenticeship is resenting the entire thing.

When I was 17 I was allowed to drive my mums old car as long as I gave my parents £40 a month to cover the costs otherwise they said theyd sell it, I had no problem with this and paid them happily. But then I found out that when my sister was 17 and she had use of the car (and I had bought my own) they had not been charging her. This had been going on for months and I was really angry and upset. Then my Dad said that actually theyd been keeping the money aside for me as they knew I was useless at saving money and the money was mine to do with whatever I wanted.

I would much rather they had just told me look youre rubbish at saving so you must put £40 a month away. No ifs and buts. And I would have! So please dont do that to your DD2! At least I found out in the space of a day, your DD would be thinking she was being treated unfairly for years. Maybe it would even push her into doing the more expensive course away from home! Which you clearly dont want.

Ive had friends do hair dressing apprenticeships and the money is a pittance for the hours they do. You cant look at it as proper wage - if it was, it wouldnt be about half the minimum wage would it!

Going4TheDream

I would question why D1 needs a fully expensed car to get home? can she not take the coach/train like most students? You say funding her through this course is leaving things tight. You manage without the car when she is not at home, perhaps not funding a car that really is 'surplus' to requirements is a big cost that you could do without, especially as she will be likely coming home less and less as she settles there, makes friends etc. If she was making her 'contribution' by cutting that cost by and not having the car it would take away the issue of D2 feeling 'rightly' put out that she is being treated differently and wont be getting the same. If D1 gets her apprenticeship she will be contributing by paying her 'own tools, supplies and lunches etc, work clothes etc out of her basic apprenticeship wage..... why should she also pay for her board when D1 gets it all and pays sod all....

Oldernotwiser

Treading_Water wrote: »

Podperson - it is my understanding that if she does her apprenticeship in a salon we will lose child benefit and tax credits.

You would; this is another reason why she should contribute into the household.

Re the car, couldn't DD2 have the use of it at weekends when DD! is at home and also share it in the holidays?

Oldernotwiser

podperson wrote: »

You would need to check up on it but as far as I am aware most apprenticeships now need to be approved by a governing body or a local college and as long as they are then she is still classed as being in training/education rather then officially working - and therefore you can still claim for her.

This isn't the case on a work based apprenticeship where she's being paid.

Treading_Water

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You would; this is another reason why she should contribute into the household.

Re the car, couldn't DD2 have the use of it at weekends when DD! is at home and also share it in the holidays?

That is the plan. Hopefully by next June we will have the car back full time and it will be available when no 2 starts learning to drive.
We will then have the problem of what DD1 is going to do next - but that's another story.

Errata

She also has the use of a car as its easier (and a lot cheaper) than us driving her back and forth most weeks

I've assumed from this that she spends most weekends at home (please correct me if I'm wrong) and all the holidays. Does she make any financial contribution towards food and utilities when she's home? If not, then it seems to me you're expecting your youngest daughter to subsidise her sister through her contribution.

jackyann

We had 4 kids, all with different talents, wishes, ideas etc. We worked it out and said:
After the age of 16 we are prepared to offer you all the following:
x years free board & lodging
£y for driving lessons ( we decided nothing for a car, but that can be factored in)
£z for education, tuition etc. (we allowed one to use it as a new business start-up)
£a towards a house deposit
£b interest-free loan if needed

We didn't tell them that there was also a "rainy-day" fund. We were lucky in stable jobs, so we could plan, and had saved from early days. But it doesn't matter exactly how much, organising it this way, each could decide how best to "spend" their allowance from us. Some who earned good money took advantage of the "free board" to save.