How do I deal with this then??

Treading_Water

Hi All
I am looking for advice please.
DD1 is in futher education - because the course she wanted to do isn't available near us she is in residential college and we pay her accommodation and food costs, it leaves things very tight, but as we felt this was a great opportunity for her we were prepared to do it. She also has the use of a car as its easier (and a lot cheaper) than us driving her back and forth most weeks.
DD2 is due to leave school next summer and is hoping to start a hairdressing apprenticeship. She started to talk about driving lessons (a bit premature I know) and us buying a car and paying for petrol and insurance. I mentioned to her that as she will be earning an income it will be time for her to start paying us towards her keep, etc.
She thinks that will be very unfair as we are still paying for her older sister.
Any suggestions please - we are prepared to take the money and put it away for her future (although I wouldn't admit that to her as she would want it sooner rather than later).
I do see her point, but am not prepared to let her get away with not paying anything.
Thanks for reading.

Elle7

Does her sister earn any money?

If she doesn't, then you could speak to them both about the contributions you expect from them when they both start earning.

As for the car - Did you pay for DD1s lessons? It seems unfair to not pay for DD2s if you did, and then to allow access to the car. I don't see why she would expect her own car if her sister shares yours, although you will have to think about priorities for who needs the car and what you will do if both want the car!

Letting her get away without paying anything won't teach her anything for the future, but equally if she does't get the same treatment as her sister she'll probably feel quite upset.

Marisco

Difficult one this!! As really your second daughter does have a point!! Her elder sister seems to get everything paid for her, and she gets nothing (in her opinion!!) Could your eldest get a part time job to help with college expenses? That might take a bit of "heat" off you, if she is seen to be doing "her bit"?

Treading_Water

We did and will pay for the lesson's that's not an issue. The eldest does work when she can, but it jisn't a lot and just pay's for her clothes and day to day costs. It's also seasonal so there is a fair chance she won't be working for a bit - she is looking though!!

tanith

My grandaughter is in the final year of 3 of a hairdressing course , she has to work part-time in a salon but doesn't earn very much and the stuff she has had to buy/keep replacing for the course has been very expensive.. so my daughter has had to help her by not actually taking any keep money as long as she is on the course.. its meant my grandaughter has managed to pay for all her own clothes, fares, lunches, and going out money over the course.. my daughter was happy that she'd found something she wanted to do and was able to near enough support herself through it.. as I said at the beginning as an apprentice she will be earning peanuts..

quantumleap

Does DD1 have a part time job? If not, is she actively looking for one? Have you encouraged her to get one and explained that whilst you are happy to help she needs to start contributing to her own accomodation and travel costs? You say you are not prepared to let you DD2 get away with not paying anything but you should not be prepared to let DD1 get away with not paying anything - there is no reason why she can't contribute to her own costs!

Also, did DD1 pay for her own driving lessons?

At the end of the day I don't know the answers to these questions but depending on the answers your DD2 might have a point!

Treading_Water

Hi Tanith
If she gets what she want's it will be an in house apprenticeship in a very good salon - not a college course - so she will be at least earning an apprentice wage.
The college course would be the fall back option and if that happens it won't be the same problem as we will support her in the same way as we do her sister.

Mupette

you have to treat both fairly.

As you have already said you paid for driving lessons for DD1 and will do so for DD2.

I think you need to speak with both girls sooner rather than later about the cost of things, and how the money situation is, if you are struggling they need to know.. if you keep quiet about how tight money is you can see later that DD2 will resent what you have done for DD1.

Open and honest now, may save the teen tantrums later (maybe)

Treading_Water

Hi Quantum
I know she has a point, its how to get across that she needs to contribute if she is earning full time.
Oldest did have a part time job and is currently looking for another. We did pay for her driving lessons and will do for DD2.
Thanks

rachbc

the NMW for apprentices is £2.60 a hour - if she works full time she will be earning just £96 a week, whilst I agree in principle that she should make a contribution I think it will need to be relative to her low income. if she was at college full time doing a hairdressing course would you expect her to pay her own way? To my mind being an apprentice is the same as studying and I wouldn't expect my kids to contribute as much/ at all whilst they were still training.

adamantine

in an apprenticeship you earn next to nothing! DD1 is probably making more per week part time than DD2 would be working full time so i think you need to rethink your plan! its unfair to make DD2 pay and be worse off compared to DD1 just coz she works more hours.