How do I deal with this then??

Person_one

Yep, charging the youngest rent will be the quickest way to damage the relationship between the siblings.

zcrat41

Our family rule was if you are in (full time, worthwhile) education we will pay. If you choose to work, you will pay. Is her hairdressing course an apprenticeship? If she's learning whilst earning I would take a very small amount off her and keep it to give to her in a few years for a house deposit or car.

Person_one

zcrat41 wrote: »

Our family rule was if you are in (full time, worthwhile) education we will pay. If you choose to work, you will pay. Is her hairdressing course an apprenticeship? If she's learning whilst earning I would take a very small amount off her and keep it to give to her in a few years for a house deposit or car.

I don't understand this approach, if you want to encourage your children to be able to save then doing it for them won't actually help them learn the kind of discipline involved or the consequences of giving into short term temptations.

Oldernotwiser

rachbc wrote: »

the NMW for apprentices is £2.60 a hour - if she works full time she will be earning just £96 a week, whilst I agree in principle that she should make a contribution I think it will need to be relative to her low income. if she was at college full time doing a hairdressing course would you expect her to pay her own way? To my mind being an apprentice is the same as studying and I wouldn't expect my kids to contribute as much/ at all whilst they were still training.

But I wouldn't believe in someone of this age having £96 pocket money whilst making no financial contribution.

ETA

Treating children fairly doesn't mean treating them identically.

Marisco

When I left school, I did a hairdressing apprenticeship in a salon, and the wage then was 2 quid a week (it was a loooong time ago!!:D) Out of that I had to give my mam ten bob (50p) not because they needed the money, but to give me some sort of idea of "paying my way". I used to grumble and moan, but coughed up. However, if I'd have had a sibling that got everything paid for her, the soft stuff would have hit the fan!!!! Apprenticeships are not "proper" jobs, it is training, albeit not in a college setting. Once she has finished her training, then make her, and her sister (if they are still at home) pay board.

rachbc

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But I wouldn't believe in someone of this age having £96 pocket money whilst making no financial contribution.

The financial contribution she makes is paying her own costs like clothes for work, travel to and from work and mum not having to put her hand in her pocket for all DD2's expenses.

OP - if you DD1 wants to go out with her mates who pays for it once the holiday job money is gone?

Kaz2904

Treading_Water wrote: »

Hi All
I am looking for advice please.
DD1 is in futher education - because the course she wanted to do isn't available near us she is in residential college and we pay her accommodation and food costs, it leaves things very tight, but as we felt this was a great opportunity for her we were prepared to do it. She also has the use of a car as its easier (and a lot cheaper) than us driving her back and forth most weeks.
DD2 is due to leave school next summer and is hoping to start a hairdressing apprenticeship. She started to talk about driving lessons (a bit premature I know) and us buying a car and paying for petrol and insurance. I mentioned to her that as she will be earning an income it will be time for her to start paying us towards her keep, etc.
She thinks that will be very unfair as we are still paying for her older sister.
Any suggestions please - we are prepared to take the money and put it away for her future (although I wouldn't admit that to her as she would want it sooner rather than later).
I do see her point, but am not prepared to let her get away with not paying anything.
Thanks for reading.

Sorry, found it easier to quote than to try and remember what you'd posted.
By the way, I think that it's admirable that you have come for advice about this rather than just thinking "Well that's what we want so tough!".
You pay your DD1's accommodation and food costs. You can do the same for DD2 if she's staying at home. Can you afford to if she goes away to college/ uni?
DD1 has car. I believe you pay to tax it and maintain it. Do you insure it? Do you pay for her petrol? If you do, can you afford to do the same for DD2? If you can't, how about splitting the amount you pay for DD1 into 2 and sharing it. DD2 can pay for her own petrol. If she gets a job, she won't be coming home nearly every week anyway surely?
I don't think it's fair that you want to take some of DD2's income, she will need that for when she wants to buy stock, tools, clothes, eat off campus (so to speak ) and other bits.
By all means, get her to set up a savings account and help her to manage it. Teach her the costs of life and the value of ISAs and whatnot.

Good luck with this, handled well, you'll be fine

podperson

I don't think it can really be compared to pocket money. People on apprenticeships tend to work a full working week as opposed to college students who are rarely in every day and sometimes for a few hours. I don't see that it's much different moneywise from a student on a college course getting say ema (or the new equivalent) and working a Saturday job.
I think the main point I got caught up on (and I imagine the OPs daughter would as well) is that they said they would be happy to pay things if she was going into a college building every day but because she is choosing to study in a different way to her sister then they are classing her as 'working'. It just seems a little like double standards - especially since I assume they are still going to be able to claim child benefit and tax credits for her as she should be classed as still being in education/training.

Treading_Water

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

so your eldest daughter decided to move away, work when it suits her, and gets you to pay all her expenses and fund a car for her! but your younger daughter will be earning a pittance (still in education) and you want to charge her for living at home?

i think you need to take a long hard look at yourself because you very obviously favour one daughter over the other. its disgusting.

We have always tried our best not to favour one child over another and think we manage it well most of the time. I believe that there are occasions though where some things seem more fair than others, depending on where you are looking from.:(

Treading_Water

Podperson - it is my understanding that if she does her apprenticeship in a salon we will lose child benefit and tax credits.