How do I deal with this then??

Person_one

You are providing a roof, a bed and food for your oldest child.

You should also provide the same for your youngest, so don't even think of charging her rent.

You let your oldest keep her meagre earnings and trust her to spend them sensibly on things she needs for her course and so on. Please put the same trust in your youngest and allow her to also keep her meagre earnings.

Once they've finished education and are properly working full time for a decent wage then rethink things. Now is not the time yet.

quantumleap

I agree with what is being said TW. To support DD1 to the tune that you are and then to expect DD2 to pay into the household on what I'm sure will be a much less than minimum wage apprenticeship seems like a double blow to DD2 to me! and I can appreciate her frustration.

I do think that whilst DD2 is doing her apprenticeship she should be allowed to retain her wages. You should explain to her that this is your way of ensuring that they are both treated equally in what are very different circumstances. However I would also make clear that once either of them begin to earn a full time wage outside of college or apprenticeship that they will be expected to contribute to the house if they continue to live there!

I wish you well.

Errata

If you want to be fair and even handed to both your daughters, have a family meeting so they can be part of a discussion about what's right and what isn't and arrive at a solution which makes all of you happy.

RAS

Well DD2 has the choice of going into full-time education if she wishes.

There is the same (but opposite) issue in my family. The elder child left school and went into work; the younger one will go to university. So the younger one will be supported for 3 or 4 years at least, whilst the elder one contributes towards the household bills.

That is actually fair IMO.

Do not let that them guilt you.

Person_one

RAS wrote: »

Well DD2 has the choice of going into full-time education if she wishes.

She essentially is. Apprenticeship wages are peanuts, they can't really be classed as wages if you ask me, more like a grant or bursary to help you meet the expenses of learning.

chrissie57

RAS wrote: »

Well DD2 has the choice of going into full-time education if she wishes.

There is the same (but opposite) issue in my family. The elder child left school and went into work; the younger one will go to university. So the younger one will be supported for 3 or 4 years at least, whilst the elder one contributes towards the household bills.

That is actually fair IMO.

Do not let that them guilt you.

So effectively oldest child is helping support youngest - hmmm, good luck

chrissie57

What is your eldest child studying? How good a chance does it give her of a decent job at the end of it?

I can't see any real attitude in your post of either child being a favourite but can clearly see the age-old attitude of looking down on some jobs while believing anything involving further education is praiseworthy.

It is probably my own life experience which made me quite upset over this post because of feeling you despise your daughters career choice and are unwilling to offer the help you gave her sister (and, by the way, should I be reading 'use of car' as 'being allowed to have the car'?)

Will bumble off now:o don't usually post here but this post has quite unsettled me because I really think your younger daughter will be hurt

podperson

I'm sorry but I can see your DD2's point - you say you would support her if she went to college but even though you agree that the apprenticeship would be a better career choice you're prepared to penalise her for it. If she was leaving school to get a normal job I would agree she should contribute but this is basically her still studying, just going about it in a slightly less conventional way. Has she arranged to apply for this herself? That to me shows a lot of intitative and motivation for someone her age, rather then taking the more mainstream option of college she has looked into her options and gone for what will be best for her future career.
Apprentice wages are extremely low so while she is on those could you maybe look at a compromise - eg you will still provide her room and board (the same as you are doing for her sister) but she has to pay all her expenses out of her wage, ie her travel to work, lunches there if she needs them, phone if she has it, any expenses she needs for work.

BitterAndTwisted

There is a perceived injustice in clearly supporting one child and not doing exactly the same for the other. I can sympathise with Child 2's seeing this as completely unequal and unfair. As has been mentioned Child 2's income from their apprenticeship would in all likelihood be much less than Child 1's part-time income, so for Child 2 it would look like a double-whammy to be asked for any contribution towards the household.

CH27

You are providing food & ccomodation for your eldest while she is in FT education & I think you should do the same for your youngest.
An apprentiship is effectively education. It's just a different route to a job.