Not going back to work after maternity leave

sir_monster

MV Must be very stressful making that decision, I have just gone back after 14 months off (very very lucky to have good mat leave). At the moment I am working 3 days a week and think that is a nice compromise for me as get more time with t than at work. I can see where you are coming from as he is having a hard time settling in nursery so if I didn't like my job then I would think twice about going back.

Please get to a surestart children's centre Josh will be ideal for a stay and play or baby peeps type group, I never paid for any groups in my whole time off (apart from swimming!!) and was out most days meeting lovely mums and kids. If you go to your local council website search for children's centres you'll probably find one close by.

I have gone back 3 days but using annual leave till Xmas (have lots of it for one reason or another) but could you do this say work 4 days and take a days annual so you can see how things go if you're not sure??

Good luck whatever you decide xx

stiltwalker

I am a SAHM with 2 little ones and OH on a pretty low wage but we cut our cloth accordingly and live pretty frugally - it can be done, as others have said there are loads of groups around for free or little money. Once your little one is a litte older there will be other outdoor free things to do - never underestimate how long a small child can spend picking up leaves and feathers in the park! If you are worried about your brain stagnating is there anything you can do via distance learning like the OU or evenings at local college that would benefit your career when you go back to work when kid(s) are older - I'm currently doing an OU degree and gettting funding for it as we have a low household income.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, I just wanted to share my story. I had 2 children whilst keeping my career going. I worked for the same Company for 12 years, working my way up in a male dominated environment to become a senior manager. My job was quite flexible, I worked anywhere from 30 to 50 hours a week and I could work from home but I was expected to be available on my mobile 24/7. When my youngest was born I only had 8 weeks proper Maternity Leave.

It was so damned hard. I remember many nights getting the kids into bed then working on the laptop, then doing housework. My son once asked me if I had been to bed because I was on the laptop when he went to bed and working again when he got up. I remember many conference calls that I had to take when I was having a day out with the kids.

A couple of years ago my eldest became seriously ill with a long term condition and after struggling for I while I gave the job up. I thought I would hate being at home but actually I really enjoy it. I am busy all the time and cant believe how I managed before. I have learned skills I didnt know I had and I am a much calmer person. When my sons health improves I would like to do some part time work but I dont know what that will be at the moment.

I think to myself, I had the Career, I have done all that and I am proud of what I achieved. This is just a different phase of my life and thats fine. I may go back to Accountancy and I might not, in the big scheme of things its not the end of the world if I dont. I am still the same person whatever I do with my life.

Dont be scared of what others think either. Its got to be your decision and whats right for you and your family. Good luck.

Metranil_Vavin

meritaten wrote: »

perhaps because I have never lived in a city and never had a 'high powered' job I really dont understand your post!
your commute time is what 1.5 hours? thats 3 hours a day!
your boss wont entertain you working less hours - so I guess working from home is out!
what are you? a city trader? commodities broker? banker? I guess its a male orientated environment.
as far as I know you are a mum - and one who wants to spend time with her baby. so do it!
if you are business savvy then set up on your own! working from home! others have done it so can you.
Use your brain to YOUR advantage!

My job isn't really 'high powered'. I am not a banker or a trader (no way!), I am an account manager for a software publisher, but they are based outside of London and I live in SE London, so it's a hell of a commute.
They have offered me one day working from home as part of my return to work, but I would still have to put LO into nursery for that day as I couldn't possible work properly with a 12+ toddler crawling about the place!
It is fairly male orientated I suppose, although one of my friends there came back after her mat leave (a single mum too so I don't know how she manages), and what they have offered me is exactly the same as they offered her. There is no way they would be more flexible for me, as that would just open a can of worms for them. Plus even if they did let me work less days per week, I'd still be stung with a £250 p/month train ticket (which are set to go up again early next year as I understand it!!)
I may look into starting up a small eBay business from home, but am aware of how competative that is already.

Sir M - I will indeed check out the local children's centres. I think because I joined the NCT and have got on so well with the women I met through that, I never really bothered with the local CC. We always seemed to be doing something. It's now they are starting to head back to work that I am feeling a bit lost.
In terms of annual leave, I have accrued a whole years worth so I will be getting the equivelent of a full months salary in December, which will be very handy.
Again, even if they agreed to letting me go back on a p/time basis and use holiday till the end of the year (which they probably wouldn't), I still have the
cost of travelling to work to swallow.
Doing an OH course is a good idea, I will look into that. I do feel like my brain has gone a bit spongey in the last year!

Thanks for sharing your story Yorkshirelass. It sounds as if you were running yourself into the ground! Big respect to you for managing to hold down a high stress job for so long and run a family. I think it sounds as if you made the right choice though when your eldest became ill. At the end of the day, family and health are far more important than some poxy job.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I still have to pluck up the courage to phone my boss and tell him I am planning on resigning. I haven't had any contact with him over the last 10 months, and he can be a bit 'off' if you catch him on a bad day, so not looking forward to that conversation at all!

Metranil_Vavin

..I'm a bit scared of change.

In fact it bl*ody terrifies me!

DS4215

Have you thought about a complete change for a while... If you are at home looking after your kid you could look after someone elses... You get some income while LO is at home and they get someone to play with.

Another option is freelance work from home. You could work from home and use your skills to bring in some money in the evenings/weekends. It might help.

Just because you did that job and was good at it doesn't meant that you have to do the same job forever. Think of it as an opportunity

Metranil_Vavin

Thank you, yes you are right. I think I've felt pretty demotivated and undervalued in my current job for such a long time, I've kind of lost all my confidence.

I don't think I could do the child minding thing. I've thought about it, but in all honesty it really isn't for me. Freelancing from home is a good idea though, something else for me to think about

meritaten

MV - you say you are an accounts manager - could you do that for smaller firms on a self-employed basis from home?
many small firms really need your skills but couldnt pay for even a part-time person.......I would be contacting any small business which appears to be doing fairly well to ask if they need your skills on an hourly basis! even a if only a few take you up on it - then the income would probably be equilavent to your take home after expenses!
just a thought hun - in the short term it would keep you in your own field and you never know - may be right up your alley!

ClareEmily

Sorry haven't had time to read all the responses, I have a son who has just turned 1 and I reluctantly handed in my notice in very similar circumstances.

My hubby is a taxi driver and works all hours so I am home alone a lot of the time including weekends.

I asked my health visitor if she knew anyone who I could become mummy friends with and she came up trumps, I now have a great friend with a son 2 weeks older than mine and we do day trips out and about everywhere.

I have a sure start centre just around the corner from me and I go to rhyme time and baby play every week (free). i have also attended a child first aid course here and will be attending a cookery course soon.

I joined the library and I can get up to 20 books out for my son, we also sometimes go to the rhyme time there.

I go to tumble tots most Friday's £2.80, bouncy castle, soft play etc etc.

I became a member of "fishers farm" which is brill and have been 3 times so far, tractor rides, ghost train, soft play, animals, shows etc etc.

I am really aware of not spending too much money and I miss earning my own, still feels like I am skivving off work and I miss the office gossip but I LOVE being with my son, and I will get a part time job when the hours suit.

We have days of going to play parks, walks in woodland, shops etc.

PS It is hard to make new mummy friends.

msb5262

Hi MV,
I had intended to returning to work when my first baby was born, but in the event decided not to do so - it was a 70 mile round trip each day by motorway, and the cost of childcare and petrol would have rendered it fairly pointless. It was a good decision and gave me the chance to spend time with my son when he was very young, although all the free time I thought I'd have turned out to be a fantasy! As others have said upthread, do make sure you plan something for yourself each week - even if it has to be cheap or free, like meeting a friend for coffee at the supermarket, or having a long bath while your OH looks after the baby. Join any cheap/free baby or toddler groups, but if you can also join something which isn't only for parents of little kids (choir? bellringing? craft group? WI?), you have a chance to make some longer term friendships and/or develop some skills which may be great in the future.
Don't worry about ringing your boss. If you really don't want to do it, you can always resign formally by letter or even email.
Best of luck and above all, enjoy it!
MsB