Not going back to work after maternity leave

Metranil_Vavin

Sorry if this has been discussed in any previous threads.

My years maternity leave is coming towards an end, and I am due back to work full time on slightly reduced hours in January 2012. P/t was not an option for my company, they refused flatly saying my job is a full time one and were not prepared to let me work fewer days.

I have told my company that yes I am going back (on the reduced hours and less pay), but looking at the maths, it doesn't really look like it is going to be worth it. My commute to work is horrendous (1.5 hours each way on a good day) and the cost to do this is £250 a month (before the announced price hikes come in next year!).

With the cost of full time childcare thrown into the mix (£1400 per month :eek:), plus the fact that work still expect me to do exactly the same job/amount of work as before but on less money, it's not looking that attractive and I am about 90% sure now that I am not going to go back.

Making this decision has made me sick with worry, and I have thought about it practically every day over the past 6 months or so. I have kind of buried my head in the sand as I haven't wanted to face it really, but now it's nearly mid October and I will have to give work a months notice, plus I have a nursery on retainer for my LO to start there full time in jan, so if I want my deposit back I have to give them a months notice too.

We did the sums yesterday and we can just afford for me to stay at home for a bit. We are going to have to be very careful with money, but it is possible. I fully intend to look for another job with more flexible hours and less travel cost attached, as being a full time SAHM is not something that I have ever really aspired to. I guess I want it all..to still work part time and also have at least a couple of days with my son.

After waffling on (sorry!) I guess my question was to any SAHM's or Dads, what do you do to fill your time (apart from all the obvious childcare things!) and keep your LO's occupied, which doesn't cost the earth?

All of the NCT friends I have made this year are going back to work, and although some are going back p/t so will be around some of the time, i don't want them to feel obliged in any way to have to see me (unless hey want to obviously!).

So as a start I guess checking out local free groups/children's centres is a strart..but what else? Winter is coming so parks etc are a bit more dependant on the weather.

I'm just a bit scared of being isolated and being stuck in the house a fair bit, which makes me (and LO climb the walls a bit!)

At the moment I try to get out at least once a day, but a lot of things I do cost money, and of course I have had my mummy friends around to hang out with.

Sorry for the long ramble...just I'm a natural worrier and I'd rather be enjoying the time with my LO than worrying about this.

gratefulforhelp_2

I'm sure this is a decision you won't regret.

I'm due back in feb!!

Have you read "The Tightwad Gazette" ? A bit extreme, 80s and accused of being right-wing, also American, but written by a woman in a similar position.

Enjoy.

j.e.j.

£250 fares (at least) and £1400 childcare? I can see why it's not worth you working. But you might like to be at home with LO while they're still young, - they won't be a baby forever and if they were in a nursery full time you'd miss out on seeing them as much.

Being a SAHM shouldn't be seen as something 'not worthwhile', as we're all led to believe!

There are LOADS of fabulous blogs on the net, some of whom are stay at home mums with kids. For general simple living and managing on one income I'd recommend Down To Earth (just google: down to earth blogspot) and there are also links on there to other blogs which you may find useful.

HTH

ecgirl07

will you have to pay back maternity pay if you do not go back?

kettlefish

Remember if your company have paid you anything above the most basic rate of SMP (90% of wages for 6 weeks, and £128ish for 33 further weeks) you will usually have to pay the excess back depending on what your contract says. If you just got SMP at the basic rate there's nothing to pay back.

Metranil_Vavin

Thanks for the replies.
I don't have to pay anything back as my company have only paid me the basic SMP throughout.
Nursery costs in London are just ridiculous, and although childminders are cheaper, they still cost about £65 a day.
I think possibly I concern myself too much with what other people are doing, and the fact that all the mums I know are going back to work. I would be happy to go back too if my commuting costs weren't so high and I could actually spend part of the week with my son.
I agree too that they grow up so quickly and putting him into nursery 5 days a week will mean I miss out on loads. It just seems bonkers to slog to work every day just to pay for someone else to look after him all day.
I think what I am looking for is some reassurance from other SAHP's that it isn't scary and lonely, and that it is a very worthwhile thing to do.
I think I'm just used to working and earning money, and now I am on zero income of my own, it feels a bit weird.

zzzLazyDaisy

What you need to do is to get your head round the fact that YOUR contribution to the family finances is taking care of your child... ie the cost that would otherwise be paid out in child-care.

At the moment you have a young child who needs caring for. That's your job. It is your husband's job to provide for you and your child until such time as you both agree that you should return to paid employment.

You will have child benefit (I know it is not much) but perhaps you and your OH could agree that this is 'your' money, so that when (for example) you wish to buy him a birthday present, or yourself a lipstick, you don't feel you are using 'his' money for this.

Before people start saying that in a marriage the money should all be 'ours' - I agree - but for a woman who has previously had a degree of financial independence, being completely financially dependent on her man for everything can be a quite a difficult thing to come to terms with.

pigpen

I do a variety of hospital appointments, cooking and cleaning.. between those and seeing to the needs of the babies (feeding the smallest as I type ) there is no time for anything else!!

The HV usually has a list of playgroups etc and the childrens centres too.

duchy

I was in your situation-planning to go back full-time -then realizing it wasn't feasible or desirable.

I found something local -less status and money -but ended up netting a better figure as childcare costs were less-stress was less and overall it worked out better.

The one thing I would say with part-time is it works out better to work (say) 3 full days rather than shorter hours for 5 days as fares and travelling time are less . I've being at different times at SAHM , worked part-time and worked full-time -of the three part-time worked out the best balance for me. Just because you choose to stay at home now, or work part-time now-doesn't mean you can't change later-I stayed home for nearly a year and that was right for me-and then I was ready to go back part time -and my son was ready for the wonderful childminder I had tracked down whilst at home

Good luck with it all whatever you decide to do-I didn't regret dropping to part-time at all but like you never saw myself as a full time SAHM -some of us are-and some of us aren't. Vive La Difference ! (Not getting into the desirability of it or not-true liberation is about what is choosing what is right for you and your family-and we are all different )

As for having time -I believe it expands to whatever time we have available -whether you work or not -when you're a Mum there's never enough time

sweaty_betty

Hi there - I echo what everyone else says, but also it might be a good idea to recognise that you might need a bit of "me" time and space. I was on my own with my little one this weekend and exhausted (I have complete admiration for single parents, I don't know how they do it).

It might be worth checking out if there are any cheap/free one day/week college courses or something (some of which run free creches to help out the parents who wouldn't otherwise be able to attend), or even getting involved in the running of NCT activities, so that you feel involved in adult activities as well as looking after your LO.

In terms of other activities, I found that our local library runs a few sessions of singing/story telling and the local leisure centre does baby/toddler sessions for fairly cheap during the day - it is possible to get to know parents through doing things like that.

Good luck - I have lots of admiration for you doing this (& shame on your company for being so difficult about your working hours...)

onlyroz

£1400 a month sounds a bit top-end. Have you looked around for other alternatives? We pay £1000 a month for a full-time nursery place, 8AM - 6PM, and I've been led to believe that childminders might be cheaper than this.