The Ultimate Hard and Fast debt clearing mission

Birdie85

I think that sometimes we have to accept that some friendships have just run their course. If she hasn't bothered to make an effort knowing what a rubbish time you've been going through then you're better off without her. Of course if you see her/her family out and about say hello and be nice, but treat it as you would meeting any acquaintance.

It's difficult though. My oldest friends hang out with each other more than they hang out with me, not sure if they think I'm too busy with OH and don't want to feel like they're pestering me, even though every time they ask if I'm free I will make the effort to visit. I got a phonecall on Saturday night off them as they'd been to see the musical Loserville, the writer is James Bourne from Busted and he was there with David Guest (random!) sitting on their row. When he walked past them he said 'Hi' which made them super excited. So I ask if they got a photo with him? 'No.' Did they say anything to him? 'No.' So I said, 'See, this is why you shouldn't leave me out of your fun little trips together, because I would have got you a nice chat and a photo with him and you know it's true.' She went on to waffle about it being last minute but they must think I'm stupid, she put on FB about 2 weeks ago about buying the tickets, not very last minute?! It used to really upset me but now I'm so used to it I'm surprised when they actually think to include me!

One of my friends has just text me to ask if I'm going to this BBQ so I sent a ranty message back and she's replied that she's not mad on the idea either as they've never bothered to go to their parties and she doesn't like being told what to bring! So we've concocted a plan; the BBQ starts at 7 so we're getting our friends to ours for 6, bit of food (which we're quite happy to supply!), some drinks, then at 8 we'll set off to the BBQ and it'll take us about 20 minutes to walk there so we'll be about as late as they usually are to our house. Then we'll act all sulky like they do and leave at 9.30!

Not great about the money issue with your brother Cinny, it might be childish but can you ask your mum to ask him to leave it with her so she can then pass it on to you?

Glad to hear that your Dad is doing well Tete, I think about you guys a lot too.

Hope the dentist goes OK for you tomorrow Wendz, I hate going to the dentist, all things teeth scare me! _pale_

N.I.M

Birdie85 wrote: »

Not great about the money issue with your brother Cinny, it might be childish but can you ask your mum to ask him to leave it with her so she can then pass it on to you?

I'm not inclined to agree with getting the rents involved here Birdie. My approach, and one that'll send a better message, and hopefully get your money back would be a considered letter sent via royal mail telling him exactly where you stand, why thats the case and how you want to proceed. Seeing it written down rather than just hearing it might make him think as its a lot harder to get defensive against a letter.

ruby_eskimo

Cinny - He does look a bit wolfy! I'm on A Storm of Swords at the moment and trying to drag the series out as long as possible because I know it will be YEARS till the last 2 books come out.

Tet - Glad to hear your dad is feeling well in himself. Yeah it was a little strange. Her parents didn't really know what to say to me. She's still my friend on facebook but she never updates.

Wendz - Hope the dentist manages to sort your tooth out, you're a braver woman than I!

Tete_en_l'Air

I think I will probably (eventually) text her along the lines of 'don't want to have a major falling out...' but still sort of phase her out if and when she tries to make plans. At the moment I feel like the ball's been left in my court a bit and I'm the baddie for not replying to her apology.

That's rubbish about your friends Birdie - I presume that you make the effort to organise stuff with the three of you? I admit I get jealous pangs when I see my London friends are doing things together even though I know I'd be invited if I could!

Cinny, to be honest in that case I think of it as £10 being a small price to pay to get rid of her from your life. I wouldn't sweat it at all.

What NIM, the child added the cider stipulation to the invite?! Ha, quite ingenious in that case!

tinkerbel

Just caught up- phew! I've missed loads!
Glad your dad seems okay by the way Tete, it's such a hard time, thinking of you! But, as IF your dad's just discovered cheese on toast!! Has he had a cheese toastie? or a fried cheese sandwich (American 'grilled cheese')!? Anything with melted cheese and bread basically has my vote!
Hope the date hasn't put you off the dating band wagon! you just need to remember what an amazing catch you are!

Dinah and NIM Grace is gorgeous I can't believe how she's changed too! Did you ever get the little things I sent for her? (I can't remember if you posted on here sorry but my mum had to post them for me and she asked the other day if you got it!) I can't belive she will be home so soon it's amazing Does her being so early eat into your maternity leave? I don't really know how it works and just wondered if they make provisions or anything for preemie babies? I'm amazed at how strong you are and I can't wait to see the little gifts you're doing the nurses! Good luck with the PPI claim too for your Grandpa!

Cinny Ryder is so cute! Makes me miss my dog (hes at home with mummy and daddy) Also I can't believe you're winning loads of cool stuff! Very jealous and I may have to get on the comping game it sounds very exciting and fun!

I wish I'd decided to join you all on the weightloss thing (well I wish before I'd eaten loads of rubbish this week!) it's pretty inspiring! I might weigh myself tomorrow and if the number scares me I'll report back!Is it best to weigh first thing in the morning or anything?

Wendz I hope the dentist is ok, I think i need to go soon to have my tooth painted over so a cavity doesn't develop but i dont have/want a new dentist!

On a money front it's not been going too well for me, life seems to get in the way and while I know I'm not in debt (I know there's still time but i'm trying to learn from people on this forum early!) it feels impossible to save. I have such big ambitions and all of them seem to require cash though! I have a new spreadsheet set though now so that at least I can monitor my crazy banking system and see whats what and what I am actually managing to save.. I am trying to do lots of free city stuff at the moment too I did the 4square thing with my amex the other day (from an email on here a few weeks back) and i did it in Tesco and it worked and I'm plnning on doing it in the restaurants where I can use my tastecard too so that'll be a few cheap/free meals out does anyone else use taste card? not too sure how popular they are outside of London...
Also has anyone seen/heard from Lara recently?

Regarding the dodgy friends, I think everyone has them I think Birdie you should go to the party with lunch boxes with things like sandwiches for one wrapped in foil and those cups of wine you can buy/those mini bottles and all tiny - non - sharing foods, just enough for you to eat and drink. when I have parties I say bring what ever you like to drink because I can't possibly buy everything but there will be some general drinks out and lots of snacks. Parties can be pricy though and that's why everyone takes turns hosting!

Wendz how's the wedding planning going!?

tinkerbel

and breathe - sorry about that ^

Birdie85

Nice to see you Tink! :wave: Glad you're doing well! Oh and I love your idea of turning up to a party with a sandwich wrapped in tinfoil and a little glass of wine! :rotfl:

As for the Tastecard, it's getting more and more popular outside London. I got a 3 month trial one a while back and used it a few times and it was good, although in a couple of places we did seem to get somewhat reduced/snotty service because we were getting a discount. :mad: Not sure if I'd use it enough to warrant buying one for the year, we'd probably end up spending more money on eating out than we do now because it's 'cheap'! Have you used TopTable for places that don't do the Tastecard? I've booked restaurants through there and got 20% off the bill

Tete, I used to make effort to see my friends and do things with them but they used to live together in Leeds so naturally did loads without me and it seemed like I was always going to them and they were never bothering to come to me or even meet me halfway. Now one lives in London but comes up to Leeds every so often but I don't even find out until she's gone back home! It feels like I'm always the one texting/e-mailing them, if I left it to them I wouldn't hear from them for months on end!

Saw on Twitter you were going to see your brother last night, how it'd go Cinny?!

Cinny91

tinkerbel wrote: »

Very jealous and I may have to get on the comping game it sounds very exciting and fun!

You should! I've kind of settled into near end-date and daily comps. Rather than entering everything at once - it's very time consuming that way! It's fun waiting to hear back, still killing my need to shop because I'm flooded with pretty things. It's like extreme window shopping!

I know what you mean about life getting in the way, sadly it's meant we've got into debt, keeping my fingers crossed you want. I'm sure you'll get everything you want in the end, and you sound motivated enough for the challenge

Birdie85 wrote: »

Saw on Twitter you were going to see your brother last night, how it'd go Cinny?!

It was weird. If my Sister and OH had the same problems I've had with his Girlfriend, and one day after an argument my Sister turned up to say she didn't think the heartache and upset was worth keeping a close relationship going any more I'd be devastated. Even when I told him it felt like being my Brother meant nothing to him he didn't show an ounce of any emotion. It was like he was detached from the situation until I'd say something direct to his Girlfriend like "Every time I tried to make and effort you've thrown it back in my face and then some." when he'd jump to her defence. Which I understand, for some crazed reason he loves her. At one point I did feel bad for the whole thing, and thought 'maybe I could sweep it until the carpet and forget about it again' until they said something completely off topic and mean about OH, at which the ghetto woman that lives in my head piped up 'OOOHHEEEEWWWLLLLLNO' so I stuck to my guns. I ended up saying how I didn't think I'd ever like his Girlfriend. That after 4 years of trying, biting my tongue and putting a happy face on it for the sake of a relationship with my Brother, to hear him telling people if being with her meant not seeing me 'so be it' hurt more than anything and was the wake up call I needed to not bother any more. I told them I'd be perfectly civil towards her for the sake of my Mum's 50th in October but other than that I'm done. And that's the end of that! Feel so so so much better it's a little bit worrying!

Kepp

Really feel for you Cinny, such a hard situation.

I had similar years ago with my best friend and her then OH. He was a nasty piece of work and had completely changed her. In the end, me and my other best friend sat her down and were completely honest as to how we felt and what we thought about him. She chose him so we let her know that we couldn't continue to see them but the door was open should she want to get in contact again.

It was the best part of a difficult year but then she called me to say she had ended things with him, could I come round and of course I said yes!

She's had a lovely OH for the last 7 years and we're all best friends again.

What I'm trying to say (in an incredibly waffly way!) is that I think you've done the right thing and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all comes good for you in the end

Tete_en_l'Air

tinkerbel wrote: »

as IF your dad's just discovered cheese on toast!!

I know it's mental isn't it? He's very much a meat and potatoes man - I still haven't convinced him to try some Lea & Perrins on his cheese on toast!

Tink it's not too late to join in with the weightloss challenge! It's best to weigh in in the morning before you've eaten anything I think - that gives a truer result. I haven't shredded for two days, all the ducking under trees along the route on my Sunday run has pulled a muscle somehow in my hip!

Yeah what happened with your brother Cinny? EDIT - took me ages to write that post evidently! Glad you're feeling better about things x