what are the best value dating sites?

newcook

I was seriously considering knocking the dating thing on the head until after xmas but then last night I got chatting to an old school friend on a dating site so fingers crossed!!!

JennyP

Me too ... not chatting to an old friend. Considering knocking it on the head. It's such an emotional roller coaster.
I think I need to find a way to do it without getting so wound up abotu it!

Scotty1.7

JennyP wrote: »

Me too ... not chatting to an old friend. Considering knocking it on the head. It's such an emotional roller coaster.
I think I need to find a way to do it without getting so wound up abotu it!

Agreed Jenny

The same profiles are there when you come back and it makes you wonder, are these people just far far to picky and not willing to even try different people

newcook

Scotty1.7 wrote: »

Agreed Jenny

The same profiles are there when you come back and it makes you wonder, are these people just far far to picky and not willing to even try different people

I hold up my hands and admit that I am picky but the way I see it is that I am looking for someone to spend a very long time with and share certain experiences with, that I find both physically and mentally attractive.

Granted, not everyone is looking for the same as me but Im not going to agree on a date with someone who I don’t find attractive inside and out.

VestanPance

I think long terms users are also more likely to be in a position that the only people they check out are new users, as they have already messaged/ignored or discounted the people already signed up. That's certainly how I've heard long term users describe their usage.

Plus if you look at them thinking are they still on this the chances are they are thinking the same when the see your profile.

VestanPance

runningwoman wrote: »

I think if I wasn't getting any dates with anyone I liked I'd have to review my expectations or review myself, not blame the system.

I think people could review their profiles, but I doubt you can ever really review your expectations.

People will want to date people they find attractive, or interesting. You can't make yourself find people attractive or interesting. It could be argued some hopefull, see the mid 40's guys messaging 20 something women, but then there was a thread on here not so long back full of people joyful about their large age gap relationships. What one person sees as an unrealistic expectation, is another's normal.

Dating sites do introduce a 'snap' judgement to the process that doesn't exist outside. I'm sure many people have gone on dates with people and they are now how they thought they would be in looks or personality, which also suggests that they most likely discount others who if they met them they would find better looking or more interesting than their profile suggests.

Strangely enough it's the filtering people do that I find fascinating. Someone here mentioned they wouldn't date anyone who listed wanting kids as "maybe". That's ruling someone out based on how they interoperate a question. I've seen others say the same over all manners of things. The more detail you provide the more chance you have triggering one of the filters.

It's interesting to see how we apply these things to the process, as the traditional method you'd know none of these things and the basis of contact would most likely be as simple as approaching someone you find attractive.

pea-benn

I am finding this thread so interesting! I completely agree with you VestanPance. I am probably guilty of 'filtering' on the most ridiculous things. It's true, the more detail someone provides, the higher the chance of triggering one of my filters. Even one dodgy photo out of 4 can be an instant turn off for me, even if the other 3 are fine.

One thing I can't stand is a photo of the guy with an attractive girl. What are they trying to say? This is me with my ex. This is the level of attractiveness I'm looking for in a partner. If they think it's a great photo of them, then why not just crop it?!!

My other definite 'no's' are:
- smoking
- jewellery of any discription
- tattoos
- using text spk, too many emoticons or bad grammar
- saying they are looking for someone slim (I am slim but wouldn't want to be with someone who'd dump me if I put on a couple of pounds!)
- mentioning how successful they are or that they have a nice car, house etc
- saying they like 'cuddles' (doesn't eveyone? but mentioning it just makes you sound like a mummy's boy!)
- mentioning sex

VestanPance

Filtering is a natural human trait, particularly when provided with options. We filter based on what we think is best.

I got interested in this when doing a design for a study and found what I assumed where straight forward questions had people adding their own twist when applying the answer depending on how they read the question.

Taking the 'do you want children' question. I've seen people suggest that answering 'does not want children' means I do want kids but not right away or only with the right person. Others answer 'maybe' despite wanting them in fear of being seen as baby crazy. Now when you read that answer you may filter those people out as in your mind the logical answer to 'do you want children' would be 'yes' if they did. Even worse you do meet up with them as you don't want kids with someone that answered 'doesn't want children' and then months down they line they tell you they do!

sapphireeye

I think you have to filter to an extent because otherwise you'd be messaging everyone and replying to everyone and that would just be unmanageable. However what I find difficult is that on a dating site I have a tendency to filter by looks, yet in real life looks don't really matter to me and none of my boyfriends have been particular lookers but they ended up being my boyfriend because we clicked or their personality won me over, however on a dating website I can only go by the personality that they portray themselves as having.

So my current strategy is messaging men that I think look ok and if their profile mentions something I like or feel strongly about or if their profile makes me laugh. Some men turn me off completely by putting statements in their profile such as 'I keep attracting the kind of woman I don't want' - we all get messages from people that we're probably not interested in but by saying that on your profile it makes me think there's no point in messaging you because I won't be your 'type'. I'm also put off by people that come across as arrogant or rude, have sworn a lot (one profile I read said the C word in several occasions and I'm the type of person that never swears) or if they do drugs. I also have to agree with runnerwoman that I'm put off by people who only work and get drunk because I think hobbies are important and make people more interesting, and I definitely think there's more to life than going out getting drunk every weekend. Having said that, loads of men seem to go on about 'travelling' on their profile, which makes me feel very ordinary and unworldy because it seems like everyone else on these dating websites have been travelling and I haven't!

mill1exx

hippychick1 wrote: »

There certainly seems to be very few decent blokes on POF. I was on there about 2 years ago, and recently joined again. It's the same old faces! Surely they haven't been on there for the last two years??

:rotfl:

That's what I thought too !! I have been off for 2 years or so and it's the same people there again. I am hoping they are the same as me and returning, rather than being a squatter.

So ..... I have been chatting to a couple. Have a meet organised for Sunday, although he seems a bit overly keen, which is slightly scaring me. But I was the first to complain that an ex didn't seem too bothered either way (hence now the ex) so going to give him the benefit and just go with the flow.

Also have another organised for Tuesday. Seems normal and what attracted me the most to his message was that he used punctuation. I saw proper paragraphs .... I was excited lol.

Started chatting to someone last night who asked whether I fancied going for a drink tonight. Is it just me or does anyone else feel a bit odd about Friday or Saturday night first meets ? I kinda see these as date nights so don't like doing the first meet then.

All in all , so far so ticking over. Will see how things go over the next couple of days.

I am nosey and would love to see others profiles on POF. If you are keen then pm me your username. Its always good to feel you have allies on these websites.

M x