what are the best value dating sites?

LisaB85

olibrofiz wrote: »

Is it a case of arranging a meet up as soon as you've made contact? Or chatting a bit first?

Try to meet within a week of first contact x

Thrifty85

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Is it so much to ask for that someone says more than just "hi"? Or am i being to harsh? Maybe they're painfully shy?

It's so frustrating isn't it?! To be fair, I think it's because there are more men than women, and generally men tend to be the one to message women first. I think that guys send out a lot of messages and unfortunately some women will just not bother to reply. I think that's why a lot of men just type incredibly short messages rather than 'wasting their time'.

I always look on the profile of every message I receive. If they've only sent a really short message but I like their profile I tend to message them back something along the lines of:

"Wow, you're a man of many words! Which is a shame because I really like the look of your profile"

If they're interested they will put much more effort into their next message. If they continue to send short, one sentence messages then they're just not worth it! But that's just my opinion.

SailorSam

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It is not

dude, you are putting out negative vibes like there is no tomorrow.

If you were my brother I would tell you to stop worrying about yourself and enjoy what you are.
Enjoy your life, have fun, do what you want to do.

You're not the perfect bloke, few of us are, that's what we are, we have to realise that.
What we are, is what we are, dude, you can't prevent that.

You have to be happy with what you are, once you are that, someone else can join you on the journey and it can be fun.

But you don't seem happy with what you are.

Sorry if I'm miles off and I won't comment on this thread any more.

Scotty hasn't had a lot of luck with this internet dating and is obviously a bit down, it's hard in that position to stop the negative vibes showing but there are worse things in messages other than a bit of negativity.
What's more off putting than calling someone 'dude', it's like calling a woman 'babe' all the time. Scotty has a name.

prudent_princess

PLEASE READ THIS, ALL THOSE OF YOU TRYING TO MEET SOMEONE ONLINE:
I just want you to read this to give you hope...


ALL the dating sites have weirdos on them.
ALL dating sites have players and married men/women etc etc

But they also have good people too.
People like you and me.

I have been on and off POF for about 3 years now.
Thought I should give it up, but a little voice in my head kept saying "what if he then joins or (if he is already a member) finally spots me".

He finally did - apparently I was on one his matches!
I dont know if he may turn out to be one of the bad guys...but at the moment he seems wonderful!

Before that, I thought who is gonna want me?

These are all the things that are against me (so to speak):
I have several health problems, including depression.
I get tired very easily - so if a guy is looking for a woman who can stay up all night, thats not me!
I dont have a job - but trying to get one!
I am overweight!
I cant move to be nearer to a guy who lives a long way from me - I need to stay here to help my daughter and grandkids.

I thought all those things were a hindrance to a potential partner.

Please dont give up!!
Just don't try too hard either.

Chat, enjoy, block the nasty ones, leave it for a couple of weeks, but dont completely give up!

It was because of Scotty that kept me going and do you know why?
(Sadly he is too young for me...)
Because he is a genuine decent wonderful guy! So I thought there must be others like him on POF.

So to all those seeking Mr/Mrs Right, good luck!

sapphireeye

Scotty1.7 wrote: »

Cheers for the birthday wishes.

Well- I think I've almost messaged every girl who sounds interesting within a 10 mile radius on POF, all them are either nasty spiteful stuck up fakes or ignorant so-and-so's

Internet dating is very much a female shopping environment,

Scotty, what makes you think that they're spiteful or ignorant? I know you've had a few nasty replies but surely not every single woman you've contacted has been like that? I'll be honest and say that if I don't think I'm interested in someone then I don't reply because at first I started having conversations with everyone but then that makes them think that I'm interested when I'm not really so I stopped doing that, and if I've sent a 'no thanks' email they've got offended and sent a nasty reply so it's easier to just not respond. Does that make me ignorant?

Also, I just looked back on this thread to look at your profile on POF and I hope you don't mind but I do have a few pointers based on what I would think from looking at it. If you do mind just let me know and I'll delete it and we can pretend I never said anything!
The first is, do you have any photos of you out and about and doing things? Both of your photos you've taken yourself and as stupid as it sounds, people like to see photos taken by other people because it makes you look like you have a social life, and actually on OKCupid they reckon that if you have a photo of you doing a hobby, like playing guitar or something, it's a good way of starting conversation. I had one photo where I was at a party wearing a Christmas cracker hat which got lots of comments, and one where I was showing off my Christmas earrings which also got a lot of comments. Simple things like that give people something to go on.

Secondly, in the interests bit you list all these interests, 'reading', 'movies' and 'cooking' but you've not mentioned any of them in the text. In fact, if I was to read your profile the only thing I'd be able to pick up on to start a conversation with you about is one of the bands you've listed, if I liked any of those. If you write about books that you've enjoyed recently, or places you've been then it gives your reader something specific to ask you about. When I was looking for men to message if I liked their profile but they hadn't really written anything that I could ask them about then I didn't contact them because I didn't know how to start a conversation with them. The men I did message had funny stories or interesting quirks or shared a similar specific interest to me.
I had on my profile that I liked the disney movie 'Up' and particularly Dug the dog and someone actually sent me a link to a short film Pixar had made about Dug the dog that I'd not seen before. I also wrote about how I was knitting a Dalek for my dad for Christmas because random snippets of information like that make you stand out from the crowd and give people something different to talk to you about!

Also, I think it's a really good idea to try and put an anecdote or a funny story or something interesting as your first line because that's what shows up in search listings and that's what will cause someone to decide to click onto your profile rather than someone elses. I wrote about how strangers start up conversations with me all the time and some of the funny chats I've had and a lot of people messaged me commenting about that.

The only other thing I would say is that straight away you come across as looking for a serious, long term relationship and I personally get scared off by profiles like that because I've dated a few guys who got very serious and clingy too quickly and it's been very difficult for me so I avoid anyone that shows any sign of being like that. I'm not saying that you are like that, don't get me wrong, I'm just trying to give an insight into my mind and a lot of my female friends have been down the same road and feel that way too. I was much happier about the idea of dating and then turning it into something more serious if I liked them, rather than feeling like if I met them for a date they'd think I was leading them on if I didn't fancy them.

If I've been out of order by saying anything, let me know, but I just wanted to give you my own view based on my experiences of actively looking for men to message and give you an idea of what would make me message people and what wouldn't.

*max*

I would just like to add, if I may, a couple of pointers for Scotty, as I also looked his profile up.

Regarding the profile pictures, what struck me immediately was the terrible background....Very untidy and jumbled, with boxes aphazarldy thrown on top of the wardrobe and newspaper pages peeling of the wall. Really, really not an attractive background.

I would delete those and take a couple more in a nice place, maybe outdoors, with a lovely background. Or maybe have a mate take a picture of you when you're out on a night (no drunken pics though! lol). Image is important - the background/environment is part of how you will present yourself to a complete stranger. First impressions and all!

I also agree with Saphireeyes above re: the non-specific, vague "interests". You need to be more specific, talk about things you enjoy that are particular to you and not millions of random others. You need to list things that set you apart, that make you, YOU, and that can be conversation starters and spark an immediate interest, something "grabbing". Think of how commercial adverts are built so as to grab people's attention, it's not that much different really.

I hope that wasn't out of order on my part, I just thought I would give what little advice I can.

dmbaxt

Sorry I haven't kept up to date with what's been happening since I joined POF just before Christmas.

Well that guy I'd been exchanging messages with, we met up and had a drink just before Christmas. The 'spark' is definately there for both of us :j

We have met up as much as possible since our first date (pretty much every day over Christmas lol) and have text / emailed / phoned each other every day too.

I'm not holding my breath for great things, although that would be nice and we're just taking each day as it comes but so far so very, very good :T

Lotus-eater

SailorSam wrote: »

Scotty hasn't had a lot of luck with this internet dating and is obviously a bit down, it's hard in that position to stop the negative vibes showing but there are worse things in messages other than a bit of negativity.
What's more off putting than calling someone 'dude', it's like calling a woman 'babe' all the time. Scotty has a name.

Well I'm not talking to someone I want to date, so I shall call them what I like and unless it's rude, then I can't see a problem with it.

But you are right, I'm completely wrong and I shall abide by my promise.

Scotty1.7

Lotus, I don't take offense to what you put. You said nothing wrong. Your posts in here are in the whole very good, open and honest.

I really appreciate what people have put, the praise and the constructive comments.

To be honrst I started the year with my usual hope and high feelings, I always start the year this way if I can. But my downfall is I am a sensative person.

And yes I my comment could be seen as general one, and maybe I am wrong for hoping that people would reply either way, to a message. I guess my view is old fashioned and in the current world people have changed and are either worried about upsetting people if they say no, coupled with people taking comments so personally.

My views on pof are just that, my views.

I appreciate my pictures on there aren't good, but I hate having pictures taken because I always look daft in then.

I've redone my profile that many times its just not funny. And it just gets the same response, no replies or the nasty sort. But I am more then happy to try again.

Apologies for being negative and causing any upset.

SailorSam

Scotty1.7 wrote: »

To be honrst I started the year with my usual hope and high feelings, I always start the year this way if I can. But my downfall is I am a sensative person.

I've redone my profile that many times its just not funny. And it just gets the same response, no replies or the nasty sort. But I am more then happy to try again.

Apologies for being negative and causing any upset.

I don't think Scotty you've upset anyone here.
The whole point of this thread is to shout about our successes but shout even louder about our let downs.
We know posting on here people will understand how you feel 'cos they've been there themselves.
Go back just a few posts and you'll see Scotty that it was you that kept Prudent-Princess going when things weren't going right for her.