If you wanna be somebody

kerri_dfw

Peabody's right, we're all ears and it's better out than in. You have a son to look after and you will get through this. Write it all down don't keep it to yourself. Talking is the best therapy, that's why so many people keep diaries it helps us sort our heads out.
You have o take each day as it comes, and when you're feeling down look at pictures of your sons happy face to remind you that there is something amazing left in your life. I know it's hard to move on, but your brother wouldn't want you to be feeling glum.
Massive hugs to you.

Regarding moving teams, change is good. It might be scary and new, but it is good honest. Besides, they might all be as lovely as your current team and although you might not feel chatty now you'll come back into your own again I'm sure. Homemade cakes always work well as a conversation starter/getting to know you thing :-)

kerri_dfw

Hope you're ok and had a good weekend

Hiddenidenity

Hope your ok?

Maybe if you dont want counselling its worth speaking to someone about how you feel? x

miggy

Hi hun,

Sorry I've not been around, just caught up with you and want to give you a big {{hug}}.

I'm not sure counselling is quite what you need right now... maybe someone to talk to who's been in a similar position? There is a thread here run by some wonderful people who have suffered major bereavements and had to go on living...

I can understand you writing to your brother and, although seeing him is outside my experience, I remember a friend telling me she had a similar thing happen after her Dad died. People can experience grief very differently. And as for whether people feel uncomfortable... I don't, and I'm sure if there were anyone who wasn't okay with reading they could easily enough not read. The fact you have people here wanting to reach out to you is an indication we want to be here.

I'm not sure what bit of the Bible your Dad was referring to, but I'm sure people will recognise each other in Heaven. 1Cor 13 says we will know fully, even as we are fully known... and we couldn't know fully without being able to recognise other people, surely?

Would it help at all to do something 'for' your brother? It could be anything - give a bit to charity, teach your son about an interest of your brother's, plant a tree, release a balloon... something to make a little bit of difference to the world because of him.

Kerri is right about the new team - you aren't losing your friends even if you aren't going to see them as much, and there may be some great people in the new team. One suggestion, if I may - let your new team leader, or someone who you find you can get on with in the new team, know that you've had a major bereavement not so long ago and are still affected by this. It will help them to understand and not ask difficult questions. I found it very hard after a significant loss partly because I moved to a new area where people inadvertently asked questions that they might have avoided if they had known.

If anything I've said here isn't appropriate, please just ignore - I'm writing from my own viewpoint, which isn't necessarily what you need to hear.

{{Hugs}}

hadahardyear

hi there, thanks for all your posts, Been having a break and keeping busy.
Today was a good day, I have been given a promotion

I am very chuffed about it, my work has always been kind of a place who likes who it likes and thats it.
I am loud and funny, so that as me labelled as a skiver, even though im not, until someone gets to know me and realised i am very good at my job.
Its only now its been recognised so im pleased.

in terms of cash, payday is on tuesday and after bills i will have £583 left. Im undecided in what to do. I feel like i have nothing to show for it, so would kind of like to save this, rather than paying off a few debts, although i know it makes no sense.
I dont want to fritter it, but will maybe just transfer it to another bank to get it out the way,.

Debts is have, because most of them are smaller, with the exception of vanquis, and my dad, I am thinking of just paying off to get rid of them.

The divorce is £117 left
choice is £206 and
very is £406

I hope everyone is ok, thanks for being so understanding before. Its been 8 months today since I lost him, my poor mum is finding it hard at the moment, obviously everyone is, but my parents are in their late 60s and are only now beginning to become vocal about it.
I suppose we have all just buried it away, it is so painful that the minute i think of him, its just tears.

I think however yesterday was the first day i thought if something and had a grin. Missing him, is like a weight in my stomach, its a physical pain, strange to describe.

Anyway on a lighter note, still texting the vampire. Dont really know how to take him, we still havent met up but did speak on the phone when i was drunk last saturday night. He doesnt say much on the phone which annoys me but was ok with talking. i was getting annoyed and said, 'whats wrong with you, why dont you text a lot' and he said he doesn't have a lot of people skills???"

What is that about. I know i will see him tomorrow night when he's in with his family, but even though he keeps telling me he thinks im hot, he doesnt seem to be doing anything about it.

Men baffle me really x
Love to you all x

miggy

Very very well done on the promotion! :T:T:T:T:T

Isn't it wonderful when somebody recognises the job you do?!

Eight months... no wonder you are still in such grief and shock. It's not long... {{hugs}} I hope your parents are okay, as much as anyone can be at such a time.

As for texting your vampire friend - I don't think I've ever met a man who had long phone conversations either. No idea why they don't.

kerri_dfw

Hope you're ok, look forward to more tales of your vampire friend x

hadahardyear

hello everyone,
am just getting back in to the swing of things after a busy weekend,

was out on a works night out on wednesday night which consisted of much free drink and not really sure i remember the hazy taxi rides home.
Am getting back on track this month with the cash, have only spent £18 on food so far this week and £6 of that was with clubcard vouchers.

have now got a system of having all my money in my isa, and transferring it over bit by bit to cover the dds coming out, which is meaning i don't overspend.

I have £526 left after my wages after everything is paid, which is about £100 less than I thought i would have, so been racking my brains trying to think where that has gone, (probably has something to do with all the hangover drinks 'supplementary' free drinks and taxi rides home) haha

Ah well im not bothered, had a brilliant night with all my friends, and haven't been out drinking in over a year, so maybe i needed it.
Still have a decent amount left and have my weekly wage coming in so have the £526 separate to try and save that.

Have a system where i tick off the dds as they are paid then count what i will have at the end of the month, every time i spend cash, i take that off the total.

As it stands at the moment, on payday February 29th i will have £1289 including the cash I have just now.

I want to try and have a bit of savings behind me then blast the debt, so because i paid off over £700 last month, I am saving this months cash, then will get back into it in MArch.

Am saving to take my son on holiday, possibly thinking of Berlin with my parents in April so will see how that pans out.

With regards to the Vampire, In case you are all wondering, I have still be texting but to be honest, I have lost interest. I don't think he's for me.
He wants to take me to dinner, and thats my idea of hell.

There are other reasons I have been put off but fact of the matter is, I have been single for 6 and a half years more or less, and maybe im a commitment phobe.

Hope everyones doing ok, any gossip?X

kerri_dfw

hadahardyear wrote: »

He wants to take me to dinner, and thats my idea of hell.

There are other reasons I have been put off but fact of the matter is, I have been single for 6 and a half years more or less, and maybe im a commitment phobe.

Hope everyones doing ok, any gossip?X

Urm.... dinner is an awesome date! You get to eat whatever you fancy and if he doesn't like you afterwards because you chose the lobster, then he's not for you but at least you got a decent meal! It also means you can talk whilst on the date and best of all pudding!!!
I love dinner dates

You're doing really well and sound so positive Where are you going to take your son on holiday?

hadahardyear

hiya pal, was just reading your diary there when you commented, Weird.

Im not a dinner date girl really, more cos id probably spill stuff down my top.
I have a few reasons im putting him off and im aware it might sound shallow but have reasons behind them.

He has a payg phone, keeps running out of texts, (this might not annoy most people but im weird)

He doesnt drive, and lives at home in the living room?

I just maybe feel like i have had a lot of problems of my own, and this would be a guy who would lean more on me than i would on him.

Ach maybe just commitment phobe like i said.

Im not sure where to take him, maybe the Berlin thing is a goer but is around £300 each b&b for 3 days.

We usually have a last minute holiday abroad at the end of JUne, last year was Turkey that we got 9 days all inc 5 star for £220 each, and if it hadn't been just after i lost my brother, i would have been the best holiday ever, jeep safari, nice hotel blah blah blah haha.

THis year my son is in the army cadets which have weekend camps every 8 weeks and only cost £10 each. He has a week long one in APril which costs £20 and a 2 week one in July which is £70 for the full 2 weeks, You can't beat that really.

Last time i gave him a tenner spending money and he brought home a fiver haha.

x