AIBU to expect OH to make his money last til payday?

mountainofdebt

glittermonster wrote: »

I'm not sitting here saying I'm having an affair or I don't love the man - I'm asking how other people would feel in my position - If i am being unreasonable to expect him to manage his own money.

I personally would accept it as a personality flaw.

Obviously there are personality flaws that can be lived with and those that can't - and depending on his attitude to it , I really can't see the big deal in you - for example - taking control of all the money. I also can't see the big deal in filling in forms that will ultimately benefit the household budget; as I said previously it comes across as cutting your nose off to spite your face.

dark_lady

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I personally would accept it as a personality flaw.

Obviously there are personality flaws that can be lived with and those that can't - and depending on his attitude to it , I really can't see the big deal in you - for example - taking control of all the money. I also can't see the big deal in filling in forms that will ultimately benefit the household budget; as I said previously it comes across as cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Because if (God forbid) the OP ever became ill then everything would fall apart if her OH cant bloody well grow up. Hes an adult !!!!!!.

JustKeepSwimming_2

glittermonster wrote: »

The other painkillers he buys are cocodomol and cuprofen plus - cheaper versions that the big brands he was buying he's done that by himself.

Wow that is a hefty dose of codeine he is taking daily if he is spending that much. I hope his GP is aware of this as it isn't a good idea long term unless he is being monitored - codeine is a potentially addictive medicine & this can happen quite quickly (not saying this is the case here, so please don't take it that way, just providing info that you/others may not know). I'd also be a bit worried if he is drinking alcohol on top.

The ibuprofen certainly won't be helping his stomach - if he needs to take it long term then many GPs will also prescribe a stomach protecting medicine to help prevent stomach irritation. He may find if the GP prescribes (say) a more effective anti-inflammatory, he may not need so many pain killers & they could be prescribed separately. His GP may be able to refer him to a pain clinic, which could open up all sorts of treatments to him, rather than masking the pain.

Apologies if he's been down this route already & is seeing his GP regularly....

As for the "other stuff" - I've nothing to add as my ex & I just couldn't agree over finances which came to a head when I went on my second maternity leave. We split up some years later (other reasons) & he's now with a "more expensive model" & horribly in debt even though between them they take home almost 10x what I do. I have no debts (except a mortgage which doesn't count :rotfl:) & have a tiny amount left at the end of the month. Maybe one day he'll get it....

claire16c

glittermonster wrote: »

as he'd taken 2 days off sick to go to a BBQ on the saturday and then was 'ill' on the sunday and didn't get paid so lost £140 in his wages.

What a responsible father-to-be. Not only is he risking his job by doing stuff like that, but also acting in the immature way he is regarding his money. I think things like that are probably why people on this post are wondering why you chose to have a baby with him.

Why dont you take control of the household budget to prevent him doing stuff like this and stop owing each other money? why not put it all into one and you sort out what can be spent each month sensibly? And like someone else said sort out the medication thing too.

Start saying no to lending him money for stuff he doesnt need like beer or PS3 games.

It seems like he acts this way because he knows he can get away with it, every single time, because you let him.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You're having a real baby soon.

Going to have to toughen up, or he'll be throwing a strop over you buying nappies and not giving him money to play with his toys.


I hope you sort it out, but you sound like his mother - and oldest children tend to feel very threatened by babies when they have been spoiled for so very, very long.



I'd cut my credit card in half/report it stolen so he couldn't use it on the quiet. And say you've got rid of it so you didn't get into any more debt when he inevitably asks for a new plaything next week on top of his pocket money and his money for playing out with his friends.

property.advert

I also don't understand why the OP is having a child with this buffoon. Bunking off work and getting too drunk to go to work the next day when you are short of money is ludicrous. Buying children's computer games when you are broke is stupid. Lending him money to do so is moronic.

The guy is a waste of space but the impending kid precludes the normal "chuck the fool out" answer.

Stop giving him anything. Demand more of his income to drip feed back through the month. Cut off all access to funds. Warn him that if he borrows money, like pay day loans, you are off and will leave him to clean up his own mess. And mean it.

Derivative

Never mind making his money last, it's not his money any more.

I would go way further and faster, I'd want to see him putting some away for the baby, we're not talking small amounts here.

Nursery fees? School uniforms? Uni fees? Driving lessons? Private schooling?

Or is he just going to f*ck off when he realises a child means he's working for someone else now? That this kid's entire life will depend on the support he gives now?

January20

glittermonster wrote: »

i find that quite offensive.
yes is uselesswith money but that doesnt mean i dont love him.
i cant believe how many people have 'thanked' you for that comment.

I can't remember whether I thanked ONW for that question, but I agree with them. Take it from somebody who had a baby with somebody she loved, somebody who was to be useless with money, it's one think dealing with a husband who can't budget and spends on stupid things when there is just you, it's another thing being in the same situation and being responsible for the well being of a child.

What happens if one day you can't work for a reason or another? Who will make sure the child has whatever they need financially (and no babies do not only need fresh air and love to survive like some posters would have you believe on here!) What happens if all the money in your purse is enough for a loaf of bread and no more because he spent all the rest on frivolous things? I've been there. It's no fun.

You're already seeing the signs as you are 7 weeks away from the birth of your child and he is doing nothing to mend his ways.

floss2

glittermonster wrote: »

...At the end of the day our love will conquer it all and we've been through worse and more testing times than this little niggle ...

But financial issues are not "just a little niggle" and can undermine a relationship to the point of divorce.

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

...my ex & I just couldn't agree over finances which came to a head when I went on my second maternity leave. We split up some years later (other reasons)....

Almost the same as my experience - albeit when the second child was a little older. We also split up and divorced.

Pee

glittermonster wrote: »

Sorry for his prescriptions thats 2 a month, 4 if he runs out and doesn't make a dr appointment in time and the rest is on over the counter painkillers for a persistent bad back. I have told im about the certificate several times but he's never done anything about it... don't see why I should sort it out for him.

Work food he does take a pack up - but works 7 12 hour shifts on the trot, and then has 3/4 days off.... still I agree he could cut down like getting own brand chocolates rather than the premium brands.

Yes and I agree we do earn good money but we do have a lot of out goings - unfortunately a lot of them are on debts at the moment - some of which are always gonna be there (mortgage) and generall expenses and some from bad financial decisions (credit card/loan)

You don't see why you should sort it out for him? (The prescription card.)

Don't you love him and feel that you are a team?

I'm getting the picture he doesn't feel part of a team, he feels like you are a mother figure to borrow money off when he runs out because you are sensible, but you need to make him feel like part of a team, because very soon he is going to be the most financially significant part of that team...