Baby Gender Selection MSE

barbarawright

Person_one wrote: »

It might not even matter if he actually was a 'failed attempt' just that he never feels that way.

I agree with your middle paragraph very much. Its important to remember that sex isn't everything, a little girl will be a unique individual and might be nothing like your idea of her. A woman I know had 6 girls while trying for a boy, she got one for number 7 but he's actually turned out to be the most typically feminine of all her children!

I know you've made your decision and I do hope it goes well for you but this is something to think about. I'm a girl after several boys and while I'm sure my mum would have loved a little princess to go shopping with and share make-up tips, she actually got a little tomboy who has never worn a dress or skirt voluntarily and who couldn't care less about her appearance. So please do think about why having a girl is important to you and you you will feel if she doesn't grow up how you expect (why yes, my mum has made many attempts to get me interested in clothes :rotfl:)

JulieGeorgiana

Have you considered natural ways to to concieve a girl?

There is a book, which if followed gives an 80% chance success (and the reviews on the book at 80% positive), I knew someone who had both her children using these methods and had a boy and then a girl.

Might be worth a thought.

I know my parents wanted a boy, and after having 2 girls they only chose to try for a third if they were happy with a 3rd girl... which is what they got... not after 6 grandsons... they are hoping my baby is a girl....!

moomoomama27

Person_one wrote: »

If you do go ahead, please consider your second son's feelings as top priority. It would be awful for him to feel like he was just a failed attempt at a girl, I've seen the consequences of that awareness last into adulthood.

I agree.

Ravenlady wrote: »

I understand that you and your OH must have discussed the chance of trying naturally and that you feel gender selection is your only guarantee of a girl but I think laying all this expectation on the girl if you do have one may create a sense of failure and regret in the future if she doesn't turn out the way you expected or dreamed about.

Every child is individual, your daughter cannot be replaced by a same sex child no matter how much you feel it will heal the hurt.

I don't think gender selection is a good idea.

I feel the same way, and I think as well another thing to consider is how the child would feel when 'she' found out she was 'made to order'. I think it's very shady territory, and am totally against it, because playing with nature in this way doesn't sit well with me.

meritaten

I too am wondering about your motives in wanting a girl baby. Nothing wrong with that - but being happy with what you get is a major part of parenting. I had a girl then a boy and according to our families pattern, I should have been having a girl on my third pregnancy! I was convinced up until the 9th month I was having a girl..........then I started dreaming I had a boy! I put this down to anxiety - I didnt have an easy pregnancy and no-one could agree on a due date!
Turned out I DID have a boy - I was so disappointed I wouldnt even hold him! just passed him straight to OH! who sat there with tears running down his face, saying over and over - he is sooooo beautiful! I had a cuppa and something to eat (I was starving) and said 'oh pass him over then, I had better feed him' - and I fell in love! my little man was adorable - every one loved him! he still is! and is very manly!
OK - so this IS a version of 'be grateful for what you get'! but thats a truism because it IS true!

skintchick

OP I know nothing about IVF, but I had a friend with 3 boys who had wanted a girl for the third and did all those natural methods to get a girl. She still got a boy. When she had her fourth child she was happy wither way and got another boy.

If you want to guarantee the sex I think you have to go the IVF route. My friend was desperately disapointed when she found out at 20 weeks and took a long time to get over that. of course she loves him dearly though.

Elle7

Person_one wrote: »

If you do go ahead, please consider your second son's feelings as top priority. It would be awful for him to feel like he was just a failed attempt at a girl, I've seen the consequences of that awareness last into adulthood.

I'm the opposite. The 3rd girl out of 4, and the one that was supposed to be a boy.

My parents wanted a boy all along. First girl they were just happy to have a baby. 2nd child, they wanted a boy, but again were just happy. Then me. They went abroad to a clinic to conceive me, I was supposed to be a boy, and the doctors thought I was. I had a boy's name, and my parents started buying boys clothes. They just knew I was a boy.

Apart from that I wasn't. No baby photos of me exist, because my mum wanted me to be a boy so badly. Originally, she dressed me as a boy and referred to me with 'my' boys name. She told strangers I was a boy, and let people cuddle her son.

She disowned me when I started puberty. My gender wasn't the only reason, there is a great deal of violence and upset, but it was something that was always between us. Always.

In my opinion, you should have a child because you want another, not because you want a girl. What if you pay thousands to have a girl and end up having a boy? Or she wants a sex change at a later date?

I appreciate that these probably look unlikely, or worth the risk, but remember that no-one ever thinks it happens to them - and when it does, you have children who spend their entire childhood feeling wrong, and then turn into adults who don't fit, and feel unwanted and unloved, and are completely on their own. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

skintchick

Elle7, thank you for sharing that, it must have been hard. How awful for you. I hope you feel loved by someone now.

scotgirl

I understand your feelings. Our first and only child, my daughter, died. I am now pregnant with another girl.

I know my daughter can never be replaced, however if I did not have another daughter I would feel like I had not had the chance to raise a daughter, to have that relationship. It's very complex and something I know that affects many of the other bereaved parents I have met through the support organisations.

I have looked into pgd (pre-implementation genetic diagnosis) but not for sex selection. I spoke at length with my geneticist and a fertility specialist. Some things I was advised was that the success rate for the ivf does not increase because you do not have fertility problems, the chances may be lower because they can only use a certain number of the embryos (due to the genetic make up, i.e. sex).

I am wishing you the very best in the future and I do understand you longing for another daughter.

meritaten

Elle - I also hope that you realise YOU are who you are meant to be hun! regardless of your parents machinations, you were born and are female! I hope you have found someone to love you for who you are. because whether you are male or female - we all need love! and these days it doesnt matter about gender when it comes to careers or lifestyles does it?

claire16c

I watched a programme before about women trying to have girls and it was quite interesting because in quite a few couples, when they had got pregnant with a girl (after maybe 4 or 5 or even more boys!) the woman either had a miscarriage or the baby was born with a disease or some kind of physical disorder or died. I would love to have girls as children, but it did make me think that maybe sometimes if someone is having several babies and they are all of the same sex, yes it may be just a coincidence, but maybe it is also down to something else like that and therefore it is for good reasons it is not happening.

If I were to have boys and still wanted a girl, I would go down the adoption route.