Baby Gender Selection MSE

nobodyknows_2

Ok so the usual really am a regular user of the site but because I know this is contraversial have re registered ! Sorry if that offends !

I have been pregnant three times now my pregnancies have ended in having two healthy boys and a girl who was born early and subsequently died.

Myself and DH are looking at possibly choosing the sex of our next child to be a girl I know this is not available in the uk and we would require treatment abroad but how does that work ? Has anyone been through it or know of anyone that has. I'm also making an appt with our obstetrician to discuss the medical side of things but to get the best service where do you go ? USA ? Europe? I know the cost varies have looked into a few different options.

I realise it will happen anyway but I'd rather not be judged here I have two boys that I love dearly and wouldn't change for the world I am very lucky to have conceived my children and I recognise that however the loss and longing for a girl has never left me even after 10 years I have waited and waited and I dare not fall pregnant again naturally so to speak we want a little girl to complete our family and I'm tired of hearing you get what you are given when in this day and age that is not necessarily the case. I realise some may have strong views on not doing this and that is fine you are entitled to that but I am also entitled to feel like I do and also to go the route that we want.

I'm really sorry if I offend anyone here I don't mean to but this site is about getting the most for your money and that is why I am here.

gratefulforhelp_2

So sorry for your loss.

You have IVF and only embryos with the desired sex are implanted. The embryos not required are discarded (you may have a moral objection to this). There are rules about how many embryos can be implanted, but these are not always followed in all countries (witness octomum).

Have you had genetic counselling, or are you certain that being premature was the only cause of your daughter's tragic death?

It would be so sad if there was a sex-linked genetic problem and you went through this trauma again.

Also, I'm sure you know that IVF is stressful and can contribute to some relationship difficulties.

nobodyknows_2

Thanks for your post Gratefulforhelp !

No there is nothing genetically wrong she was just born at 7months and tragically acquired an infection which she was too weak to fight postmortem results were clear of any genetic abnormality !

I wouldn't personally want to go overboard on the amount of embryo's implanted I wouldn't want to risk a healthy pregnancy by having some silly amount like 8 implanted ! Having never gone through IVF its kind of impossible to know what we are facing and I'm aware it will be costly and success is not guaranteed I feel we have a tough road ahead of us and right now we both want to go down it.

gratefulforhelp_2

Another thing to consider is ensuring your own health is protected so you will be fit to raise the children you have already - but that's true of any elective procedure, of course.

TattyG

You will probably find that because you have conceived naturally and have had healthy pregnancies, that they will only allow you to have SET (Single Embryo Transfer) which obviously means you will only be allowed 1 embryo put back.

x

sarahevie

Not necessarily the case of Single embryo a friend has had two pregnancies both IVF and both have been two implanted, only one 'child' a born of each though.

I can sympathise, wouldn't do it myself - I'm happy with children of one sex, but a close school friend has got three lovely boys and would love a little girl - it has taken more than three years to decide whether they want a fourth child, or simply a 'girl' and they are now trying for a fourth whatever the sex. So good luck OP. They wouldn't contemplate IVF

Person_one

If you do go ahead, please consider your second son's feelings as top priority. It would be awful for him to feel like he was just a failed attempt at a girl, I've seen the consequences of that awareness last into adulthood.

Ravenlady_2

I understand that you and your OH must have discussed the chance of trying naturally and that you feel gender selection is your only guarantee of a girl but I think laying all this expectation on the girl if you do have one may create a sense of failure and regret in the future if she doesn't turn out the way you expected or dreamed about.

Every child is individual, your daughter cannot be replaced by a same sex child no matter how much you feel it will heal the hurt.

I don't think gender selection is a good idea.

mountainofdebt

Person_one wrote: »

If you do go ahead, please consider your second son's feelings as top priority. It would be awful for him to feel like he was just a failed attempt at a girl, I've seen the consequences of that awareness last into adulthood.

In fairness its not clear whether the 2nd son was born before or after her daughter.

My own views are that I personally wouldn't chose the sex of the baby but what is it about having a little girl that is so important to you - is it a case of (and I really don't want to sound insensitve but can't think of another way of putting it) replacing what you lost?

I think if you can rationalise why having a girl is so important to you - which is something that I think a good doctor should ask you about anyway - then perhaps you can go into the proceedure with a clear conscious and !!!!!! what everyone thinks

neverdespairgirl

Could be very, very expensive. For example:

They trawled the internet and found the Fertility Institutes clinic in Los Angeles, run by Doctor Jeffrey Steinberg. They spoke to him on the phone. They booked in. Susan had the blood tests and has started the course of drugs, and soon they'll be off to LA. They'll take the boys with them, and visit Disneyland between the egg harvesting and implantation. Steinberg's clinic is a slick operation. It provides payment plans, a travel agent, a list of restaurants and hotels, and a babysitting service. Total cost: £25,000-£30,000.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/apr/03/sex-selection-babies

In the UK, the law states that gender slection can only be for medical, not social reasons:

The law requires that the centre should not, for social reasons:

a) select embryos of a particular sex
b) separate sperm samples, or use sperm samples that have been separated, for the purpose of sex selection, or
c) participate in any other practices designed to ensure that a resulting child will be of a particular sex.


http://www.hfea.gov.uk/496.html#guidanceSection4368

Person_one

mountainofdebt wrote: »

In fairness its not clear whether the 2nd son was born before or after her daughter.

My own views are that I personally wouldn't chose the sex of the baby but what is it about having a little girl that is so important to you - is it a case of (and I really don't want to sound insensitve but can't think of another way of putting it) replacing what you lost?

I think if you can rationalise why having a girl is so important to you - which is something that I think a good doctor should ask you about anyway - then perhaps you can go into the proceedure with a clear conscious and !!!!!! what everyone thinks

It might not even matter if he actually was a 'failed attempt' just that he never feels that way.

I agree with your middle paragraph very much. Its important to remember that sex isn't everything, a little girl will be a unique individual and might be nothing like your idea of her. A woman I know had 6 girls while trying for a boy, she got one for number 7 but he's actually turned out to be the most typically feminine of all her children!