What would you do?

gratefulforhelp_2

30_something wrote: »

I know you don't buy to receive

You had the answer all along.

You give a gift voluntarily and with no expectation of getting anything back, but this does work both ways.

Myself I'm craptastic at sending presents and oscillate between nothing, and something over the top to compensate.

Idiophreak

I got caught up in a lot of this BS between my dad and uncle when I was younger and it used to wind me up...just give me my presents!! Personally, I'd just send the present. You'll feel like the bigger person, 3 will feel guilty, 3's child gets their gift...everyone's happy.

CH27

Deleted_User wrote: »

I understand your frustration but as its not really child 3's fault, for this year only so they've all been treated the same, i'd still send the £10.

Then next year either send a fiver or just a card, but i think its important to treat all 3 kids fairly if they are from the same family.

I would probably tell my friend that money has been tight so next year now you know so many children/friends etc, your just sticking to cards (10 for £1 in card factory). And just stick to spending your money on your family and close relatives.

Also to add perspective, I could be in your boat as some of my friends and brother had kids before I did and i was working full time, but i still bought fairly nice presents. But as soon as my family came along i had to drastically reduced things, just buy for kids and buy sale items to stretch around everyone's expanding families.

I expect your friend doesn't intend to offend you, just that she knows so many kids its hard to draw the line, esp when they start school and get invited to parties.

I've often said to DH if I didn't buy presents and stash them in a box when cheap or offers, i'd end up spending more on everyone else's kids than i would on my own.

Hope that makes sense and i do understand your POV.

That's what I did when a friend of mine plyed silly beggars. I made sure they both got the same & never sent anything again.

ash28

I'm quite bad when it comes to remembering birthdays etc, I have to admit that for me birthdays aren't a big deal.

My 2 sisters buy for our 3 grandchildren for both Christmas and birthdays

Sister 1 has 3 grandchildren - sister 2 has no grandchildren

They each send £10 for each birthday and £15 for each child at Christmas - I am so poor at sending birthday cards that I just send each of sister 1's grandchildren £30 for Christmas - and poor sister with no grandchildren gets nothing.

I have offered to try and mend my ways and send twice a year - but I was told, that childrens' parents actually prefer to have a bit of extra money for them at Christmas as opposed to the money split in 2.

If I was the OP I would send friend 3's child £10 for their birthday - I couldn't make a difference between children in the same family, it's not the child's fault. Then I would call it a day and not send anything.

make_me_wise

30_something wrote: »

Friend 3 - well where do I start? I know you don't buy to receive but she takes the biscuit! Her DS1 had a birthday earlier in year, we were away so I sent £10 in a card - no thanks from her, spoke to her to see if she'd got it - they had. DD had a birthday in June - again I sent £10 in a card and again no thanks (I sent it recorded delivery and she signed so I know it got there ok).

It was my DS birthday in July - no card/money/present from friend 3, she then sent me a text 3 weeks later saying she was sorry she'd forgot and she'd drop a card and money off that evening as she was passing, we got nothing. I've not texted/phoned her since as tbh I'm quite angry/upset.

It's her DS2 Birthday next week and I really don't know what to do - I'm so tempted not to send anything but then that's a bit childish and I know I shouldn't punish the child for his mother being rubbish.

If I do send a card then that family will have cost me £30 this year and she hasn't sent anything for my DS. DH said just send a card but I'm torn!

I know I'm probably being over-sensitive but it's really wound me up!

What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?

I think it is extremely rude of your friend not to acknowledge your generous gifts to her children. It takes very little time or effort to say thank you. By not doing so she is setting a really bad example to her children about how to behave socially.

Acknowledge the childs' birthday by sending a card but do not include a present, monetary or otherwise. That way you are showing an interest in the child and recognising his special day but not allowing his mum to be out of order toward you. Might just make her think.

claire16c

I think its very rude that your friend does not contact you when you do send something. That for me would be enough not to send presents again.

When I was younger I was always made to write thank you notes to everyone who gave me a gift at xmas or my birthday. I am in my 20s now and still write them!
And if I have kids they will be doing them too!

Your friend should have at least phoned you at a minimum.

jess1974

I agree with make me wise, just send a card, no money no gift, children get so much nowadays they probably won't even notice, your friend op is taking the p**s, i can't understand why some posters are suggesting you keep forking out money on this selfish ungrateful family, stop being a doormat and drop her fast!!
Unfortunately i've come across a few people like this in life and if you allow them, they will just take take take.....

Jinx

I am terrible at remembering birthdays of friends and their children, so most get pressies very late from us (hubby is just as bad).... I routinely forget even my godsons birthday. The only upside to that is he gets FANTASTIC xmas pressies to make up for it.

I would have said forget about birthdays and just do xmas pressies, everyone remembers xmas.

DUKE

I'd just forget the whole thing, send nothing & expect nothing.

jellyhead

Do you actually want to be friends with her? Are you fond of her children?