What would you do?

Glennn

VfM4meplse wrote: »

This eternal giving and reciprocation I think is a little bit silly, esp as the kids get older. I give because I want to and enjoy the pleasure of doing so, not because I think I will receive in return or feel I ought to. If you have to discuss protocol then it's a meaningless waste of money.

I would suggest you cut back to just Christmas presents for the whole family - a bottle of something for the adults and a treat that everyone can enjoy will always be appreciated.

The above quote is what I was trying to say in the first post....

VfM4meplse

30_something wrote: »

Some people have suggested I distance myself from her and tbh I think that's what I need to do, many things have happened but I think this is the final straw - I just didn't realise I needed to do it.

Maybe that's the right thing to do if there are other contributory circumstances. I have a high-earning friend that is the Queen of Mean (no outgoings as she still lives with her parents even as a middle-aged woman, takes her own smart-price food to the cinema etc but equally doesn't expect anything from others) but has always been a good friend when it comes to listening and dishing out effective advice.

30_something_2

JodyBPM wrote: »

I'd think it a bit odd/rude if one of my friends was invited to one of my children's birthday parties and turned up without a gift, but if they weren't coming to a specific celebration event, I probably wouldn't give it a second thought - after all they are friends with ME not my children.

I don't know if they are having a party - we never get invited to them.

euronorris

Glitzer wrote: »

This is what my best friend and I do. I only have DS, she has a DD and a DS. She is the one who suggested we just spend a fiver on each of hers and she would spend a tenner on DS.

For our own birthdays or christmas we just get together at hers for a night in with a few drinks and a take away (we do the drinks thing on a semi regular basis anyway!).

There is a similar agreement within our family, as I have four older siblings, 2 of whom had kids years ago, 1 became a father this year and the other is to become a mother later this year.

The agreement was that we would only buy for the kids at Christmas, and their parents would buy a token gift from their kids for those of us without kids. I hope that makes sense, I still manage to misunderstand it every year and have to ask my Mum to confirm! :rotfl:

For our Birthday's we either buy a small token gift for each other, or send some money and if money is tight, then we don't get anything. It's not an issue as we all understand that our finances can sometimes change throughout the year.

I have spent a lot on my eldest neices when they were younger, but that was because I wanted to, not because it was expected. At the time, I had no debt, was in full time employment and benefitted from a staff discount (I worked in the head office of a high end children's department store). So, the eldest two were lucky enough to receive a Steiff teddy each.

Dave101t

well they are obviously not real friends then, simple.

lostinrates

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Glenn, surely you'd like your friends to think enough of you and your child to acknowledge their birthday though?!
.

I'll be absolutely honest and admit I don't know when most of our friends' childrens' birthdays are. Not a clue. The friend with a child I'm closest to I only know because I see the child more often and talk a lot about things like his school and b'day. In fact, I don't know when most of my friends b'days are either..I'm REALLY bad at that (I have memory probelms related to health, but dh is no good either and he has no excuse....:o)

I love my friends, and tbh, most of their kids, but as a childless couple its just not really on our radar in the same way. we've sent gifts (not always age appropriate, with the idea they can grow into the gift) when the children are born and if we are aware its their b'day. We don't send any but those we are physically close to Christmas gifts, but when we see them we tend to take gifts. We are physically distant from most of our friends with kids...and tbh, don't really know many of the children very well at all. It doesn't diminish our fondness for our friends nor our readiness to be good friends....we just don't do date related gifts very well.....and neither do we expect them. In fact, I am somewhat embarrassed when our wider circle of friends acknowledge my b'day..not least be cause I forget theirs...depsitre having sa book with dates in it.

choccybikkie_2

I would send a card with £10 as you have with the others this year and make it the last time!!! That way you won't feel guilty for leaving one of the kids out. But next year just send an empty card to them all.

ciderwithrosie_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I have a high-earning friend that is athe Queen of Mean (no outgoings as she still lives with her parents even as a middle-aged woman, takes her own smart-price food to the cinema etc but equally doesn't expect anything from others)

I think this is fine as she doesn't expect others to shell out either, although could be potentially a bit frustrating at times if you feel like a splurge companion. It's double standards I can't abide.

30_something_2

Right I've made a decision! I'll send a card along with a gift but then that's it!

I've just worked out that I've not seen the kids since a year last July and I've not seen her since before Xmas last year so i clearly have not missed her or her family!

joess

30_something wrote: »

I've just worked out that I've not seen the kids since a year last July and I've not seen her since before Xmas last year so i clearly have not missed her or her family!

I can understand how time goes by without seeing friends, I have friends that live literally down the road but with busy lifestyles we can go months without seeing each other! But when we do it's like we only saw each other the night before - that's true friendship.