Spill the beans ... how did you financially survive divorce?

JULESDAV7

Personally I was not working when I started divorce proceedings - my husband was disabled and I was his carer. I had to start work - so opted for part time to keep my earnings low and below the Legal Aid threshold - currently £733 disposable income per month. But be careful they only deduct your housing costs and a set amount for dependent children (no allowance for bills, council tax, utilities or anything else!)

I would always suggest you check whether you are legally aidable if divorcing - this has had the knock on effect of me struggling to survive financially over all but talking to the CCCS for debt management has made it possible for me to manage - I would recommend them to anyone seriously struggling.

Soubrette

I was extremely lucky that we, predivorce, had a rental house - this meant that I had a paid off roof over my head...once the tenants left. The tenants took ages to find somewhere which was good in one way as it gave me a monthly income while I looked for a job (10 year career break looking after children) but bad because I had to stay on a friend's room for 6 months.

By the time I moved in I had a job - part time unsociable hours with loads of overtime so ex and I could share childcare but nothing in the house except a free sofa and a blow up bed.

I didn't use a solicitor but ex decided he would, they tried to make things worse with parental care and the financial split but as he was paying for it I didn't care as the house was good enough for me and there was no way he could hide that (and it was in my name for tax reasons), it just made things longer and more expensive for him as they tried to make issues and dissent over things that weren't there.

The one issue that was a small problem was the forms sent to the family court. The ex had filled these in on the solicitors advice and sent them off without my input, apart from spelling one child's name wrong and getting the wrong dob on the other, there was other missing info - I phoned the courts to ask what to do and they sent out some more forms and we filled them out together before sending them off. I could have gone to my own solicitor and watched the bills rocket!!

My advice would be to try and be amicable, try and be fair and don't let hurt feelings feel it is justifiable to try and take the other person for all you can (don't let the other person do this to you either though - you'll be living with the settlement for the rest of your life). Once you've settled it between you then go to a solicitor and pay for one meeting and get it all rubber stamped. The solicitor will technically be working for one of you but as long as you maintain a united front they have to do what they are told.

tanith

I had got myself back into full time working after 18yrs bringing up the children before we split up as I knew beyond doubt it was coming, so was able to manage financially till the divorce was settled which was 3yrs later . It wasn't an easy divorce with lots of petty stuff going on I'm sure the lawyers made money but I ended up with one third of the marital home and he got 2 thirds as he had 2 of our teenage children living with him. After the settlement both children were living with me within 9mths but he still got to keep the house which he immediately sold . There was no joint money to share but I was happy to be out of it and glad both my younger children were with me. It would of been so much better if we could of had an amicable split but that was never going to happen sadly

bargainbetty

My ex and I both worked, but my income was higher and I could afford to keep the marital home on a solo mortgage. We agreed a split of assets amicably, I agreed not to go after his pension or savings if he didn't go after mine, we got two valuations on the flat and that I would buy him out at a fair price. I even helped him pack his stuff up and move it back to his parents, half the towels, I kept the saucepans, he took the plates etc..

We only had one solicitor to file the papers - split the costs for that too. We stayed amicable, and are still so now. No kids, which made it much easier, but we were never hateful to each other. It was sad enough, we couldn't bear to make it worse by losing the affection we did still have for each other.

Keep it amicable, keep away from lawyers. Keep your head and don't seek to avenge something he/she did wrong. It's over. Just get it done.

weeone30

I have been divorced just over a year now, i got divorced under scottish law, as everything had been split and there was no children involved my divorce took less than 6 weeks and cost £95 on the basis everythign was already split and there was nothing else to sort out, no lawyers were needed as it was just a page of tick boxes yes or no. I have been left with a considerable amount of debt though, northern rock in their wisdom forced us to sell the house rather than rent it out, the house was valued at less than the mortgage outstanding was, my ex and i still talk although he moved back to scotland and i stayed in england, it wasnt until he moved back i realised all the household bills in joint names had been transfered into my sole name leaving me to sort it all out. The water assistance fund that i found out from money saving expert has been wonderful, my water, gas and electric arrears are being paid off by the fund, there is about £38k outstanding mostly owing to northern rock who are not the easiest people to deal with, my hours with my current employer have been reduced from 42 per week to 12 per week, based on my earnings on 42 hours it would take me 96 yrs to clear debt, god forbid i dont want to think about how long it will take it now i have been reduced to 12 hours per week. I have been running my own business since april 2011 and i am already in profit with the business, not much but its getting me by but it seems never ending, any pointers or advice would be useful.

weeone30

I have been divorced just over a year now, i got divorced under scottish law, as everything had been split and there was no children involved my divorce took less than 6 weeks and cost £95 on the basis everythign was already split and there was nothing else to sort out, no lawyers were needed as it was just a page of tick boxes yes or no. I have been left with a considerable amount of debt though, northern rock in their wisdom forced us to sell the house rather than rent it out, the house was valued at less than the mortgage outstanding was, my ex and i still talk although he moved back to scotland and i stayed in england, it wasnt until he moved back i realised all the household bills in joint names had been transfered into my sole name leaving me to sort it all out. The water assistance fund that i found out from money saving expert has been wonderful, my water, gas and electric arrears are being paid off by the fund, there is about £38k outstanding mostly owing to northern rock who are not the easiest people to deal with, my hours with my current employer have been reduced from 42 per week to 12 per week, based on my earnings on 42 hours it would take me 96 yrs to clear debt, god forbid i dont want to think about how long it will take it now i have been reduced to 12 hours per week. I have been running my own business since april 2011 and i am already in profit with the business, not much but its getting me by but it seems never ending, any pointers or advice would be useful.

Kathy535

We split the house profilts 50:50 and agreed on joint care for our (then 5yr old) daughter on an ad hoc basis. Although difficult we both tried really hard to keep things civil for her. As neither of us could afford a house where we lived I moved up to W Yorks and he followed at the same time. I was able to get a 3 bed terraced house for half the price of one in my home town. After 2 yrs, I divorced him on a DIY basis which saved a huge amount of money. By this point he'd spent all the profits from the house on a new car and motorbike and had given himself 6m off work so was deeply in debt which meant he couldn't have afforded to contest even if he wanted to - but he didn't. I had about £30pw after bills to spend on petrol, clothes, school stuff etc which was really, really tough. WFTC helped and then I got promoted which really helped. I lost a lot of weight in the first 6 months as I couldn't afford to feed both me and DD and concentrated on the essentials - petrol for the car, heating, school stuff etc. I banded together with another mother to share after school care, travel costs etc but it was really hard. 10yrs on, things are much easier, thankfully.

Trinny

Hello All

Just coming to the end of my divorce:o.

1. I saved like a demon - and literally ate reduced to clear diet and weezl's ultimate cash saving diet for a whole year beforehand to save for lawyers.

2. There are no kids involved - kept it amicable, even though the other party is clearly at fault. agreed terms - particularly financially and split everything ourselves before starting proceedings.

3. Went for uncontested divorce - something called families first, which gives you the legals, but not the overkill lawyers bills, but you have to have agreed everything beforehand, and this cannot change mid process.

4. We discussed the terms beforehand - so that there would be no surprises and no challenges and therefore no delays.

5. We picked a good firm of lawyers - maybe more expensive per hour but the efficiency can save you money.

Most importantly, i have amazing family, friends and colleagues who have stuck with me throughout the process. Its a horrendous experience, and its important to make sure you are looked after in the process.

Best Wishes to anyone reading who is on the same path as me

Things will get better for all of us

Trin

caz2703

I'll be able to answer properly soon - unfortunatley.

I know that as a single mum I'd be financially better off working part-time on minimum wage instead of going back to my well paid job as childcare costs would wipe out half my salary and my ex has already made it clear that he can't afford to pay me for 2 children proportionately what he pays his first Ex for their one child. In other words, as long as I was around to contribute to the bills (all in his name) and the mortgage (again solely in his name), he would continue to fund his ex's lavish lifestyle and leave us to do without more and more in the meantime. Yes, he actually said that if things got any tighter financially (try £1000/month in childcare when I return to work) that we'd have to do without as he wouldn't reduce what he pays his ex. Delighful eh? That may sound mean but when his ex gets almost double CSA rates and lives in a house worth double ours, drives a car worth well over double ours combined and can afford holidays and meals out then I can't see why he can't reduce payments if we're in financial difficulty??

All I can hope for is that I get Legal Aid to pay for the divorce as I'm paying myself for the contact order case he slapped on me with 2 days notice before the court date. All this is on CTC and CB and I'm now on additional maternity leave and no longer entitled to WTC. He may be paying for the mortgage (which he should as he regularly points out, it's in his name as is the house - thank god as it's negative equity so no fights there). I haven't had a penny from him to even pay for nappies since we split but as he's keeping a roof over my head albeit after stopping paying bills before my benefit case had gone through I don't have a leg to stand on.

So any divorce experts or anyone with experience of contact orders, feel free to PM me as I could do with some advice that doesn't cost £100/hour.

Betsie2010

If at all possible, try and keep it amicable and the lines of communication open. Otherwise you will end up, as I did, paying a fortune in solicitors fees and heart ache.:(
I know own my own home, along with the Black Horse Bank, and am beginning to settle my outstanding debts which arose due the the high Solicitor bill.
However, I am much happier and know that I will survive these challenges. This web site and forums are so helpful and full of advice. I only wish I had found them long ago.:)
I had had no dealings at all with the finances within our marriage and did not know the cost of any of the utilites, food etc. When ex and I seperated he took all the Bank accounts with him! :mad: NEVER again! I now know to the exact penny what I have in my Bank accounts, how much everything costs and what is a "real" special offer. If, and when, I do meet someone else I will always advocate seperate accounts.
In the end it seems the only winners are the legal firms and the tissue manufacturers