Spill the beans ... how did you financially survive divorce?

carpedieme

Keep it as amicable as possible, saves a lot of time and money in the long run, otherwise the only winners are the legal eagles! Also go full time if part time earn as much as possible to support yourself and family ( where possible ), finally avoid divorce at all costs if able, the heartache and emotional heartache are hard to bear

roselia6666

I HAVE JUST GOT THROUGH MY FINANCIAL HEARING FOR ANCILLARY RELIEF.I HAD TRIED FOR NEARLY FOUR YEARS TO TRY TO DO AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE OURSELVES BUT MY EX DID EVERYTHING TO PREVENT THIS,NOT ANSWERING LETTERS HAVING THE HEARINGS ADJORNED 3 TIMES.THIS AFTER ME FINDING HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR SIX YEARS AGO WHICH IS STILL ONGOING.I HAD TO LEAVE MY HOME OVER 3 YRS AGO AS HE MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO STAY.IT HAS COST ME £30000 IN PAYING RENT ETC.HOWEVER IN SPITE OF HIM GETTING INTO £20000 OF CREDIT CARD DEBT I HAVE HAD TO PAY A PERCENTAGE OF THAT AND SOME MONEY FROM A INSURANCE POLICY FOR A FLOOD AT MY BUSINESS.HOWEVER I AM SO PLEASED TO GET RID OF THIS MAN THAT MADE MY LIFE A MISERY FOR 23YRS.I HAVE A NEW MAN A NEW LIFE AND HAPPINESS I NEVER KNEW EXISTED.WHEN THE HOUSE IS SOLD I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY MYSELF A SMALL FLAT.IN HINDSIGHT I WOULD HAVE DONE LOTS OF THINGS DIFFERENTLY BUT NO ONE CAN PUT A PRICE ON HAPPINESS.:j

elliep_2

I'm in the process of going through a divorce at the moment. I'm actually glad that the house is in negative equity as it means there is nothing to argue over.

He moved out a year ago and has only just applied for the divorce, but by him applying the fees will be covered by legal aid. We've managed to remain civil and have agreed the split of possessions already so all that remains is to get the forms signed. I hope he won't suddenly decide to argue for more but I figure that as the house is officially worth less than nothing it'd be stupid of him to engage a lawyer to fight for house contents, he'd pay more in legal fees than we actually have between us. (we had no savings, so it's only physical 'things')

I'm doing a lot better financially since he left as I've upped my hours at work and taken in 2 lodgers, my month to month life is much easier now and I'm even managing to put aside a bit each month in savings.

Financially my divorce has been pretty straightforward so far, it's a lot harder emotionally and I know that I'll be a lot less keen to jump into a relationship with anyone in the future.

starsandmoon

When I split with my ex I rented a semi furnished flat for 2 years while we sorted out the finances. My ex was unemployed at the time and agreed to buy me out but needed a job and 6 months wage slips etc for mortgage purposes. They shared the care for our daughter until they secured a job and then changed it to weekend visits. I have always been flexible over them seeing our daughter and live fairly close.

I got a lump sum so put a large deposit down on a house and kept a bit to one side for house repairs (needed damp etc sorting) and for emergency stuff like job loss.

We got legal aid for part of the divorce but once the bills started mounting up we sorted childcare and the lump sum ourselves then got it finished off legally.

Outcome is we both have our own homes, no financial links whatsoever and our daughter sees both her parents and is happy plus we both have new partners and everyone is happy.

vintagebrighton

We had nothing so there was nothing much to sort! Just the power relations........ I submitted the papers myself, he made me wait 5 years but it was worth every minute

alixandrea

With difficulty. I acted as a Litigant in Person rather than using solicitors which helped an awful lot in keeping costs down. I relied heavily on support from the amazing people at wikivorce.com, who walked me through every aspect of the process and were always there to give me advice. With their help I managed to do both the divorce and the ancillary relief proceedings on my own, and got the result I was looking for.

Unfortunately my ex husband was about as obstructive and unsupportive as it's possible to be, making the divorce bill higher than it had to be, agreeing to a consent order then changing his mind once it had been written and paid for so that I had to pay even more money to start ancillary relief proceedings, and not once showing up to court during the whole process.

He ran up debts in our joint account before I could get my name taken off it, and in any case wouldn't sign the paperwork to remove me from the account. :mad: The debt collectors came after me and harassed me day and night before I finally managed to get ex to pay them.

Next came the dispute over our marital home, which was a narrow-boat. We had a joint loan outstanding on this, which I couldn't afford the repayments on alone. Due to this, and the fact that he had always insisted while we were together that I had no right to the boat until I'd paid off my half of it, I let him keep the boat in the understanding that he would continue to pay the joint loan as a mortgage on it. I'd put around £9000 of my own money into it by this point, but did not expect this to be returned to me as long as he paid the rest of the debt.

Two years to the day after I left him, the boat sank due to his neglect of it. Because of the issues with the joint account, the boat was not insured at the time it sank (and anyway it's debatable as to whether the insurance would have paid out in the circumstances). Ex had by this time lost his job due to his alcoholism and subsequently stopped paying off the joint loan.

We had taken out PPI on the loan to cover us if either of us lost our jobs, but it turned out that although the loan was joint, the policy was single and only covered the first named signatory on the loan. Who just happened to be... me. I spent the best part of the following year trying to get the PPI refunded while the repayment demands flooded in. The bank thoughout this entire process were also unhelpful and obstructive in the extreme.

I tried to set up a Debt Management Plan with the CCCS, but they needed a final balance of the debt in order to know how to split my repayments (I had my own debts to worry about as well as the joint one). The bank dithered for so long over the PPI refund that I didn't get this figure from them until the point at which I had raised a complaint with the Financial Ombudsman over their handling of the case. By this time I had also fought and won the ancillary relief case, which saw the court order ex to repay the debt, and indemnify me against having to pay it.

Fast forward to the present day and ex still hasn't paid a penny on the debt since he stopped paying when the boat sank. The PPI has been refunded but the debt is now creeping up due to interest. I have sent ex a final demand letter telling him that if he doesn't start repaying, I will complete the set-up of my DMP, start repaying it myself, and take him to court to enforce the indemnity. I will also expect him to repay me my court and legal fees.

I've done absolutely everything I can to get myself back on my feet financially after the divorce: sorting out my own finances; spending inordinate time on here trying to keep my living costs down; lodging in a friend's house for super-cheap; getting a new job... Even running my van on chip fat bought with clubcard vouchers!! But it's still not enough. I earn far less than the national average and live in one of the most expensive towns in the UK (not London thankfully!!) My credit rating is completely trashed thanks to my ex and there is no end to the problem of the joint loan in sight. I'm throwing my money down the bottomless pit of rental hell when five years ago I owned my own home. The boat is gone forever (it was sold after it sank for less than 1/10th the value we bought it for), and I deeply, deeply regret not having taken it on myself and sorted out a DMP much earlier in order to afford that course of action. If I'd had "financial education" at school I would have known much earlier that this course of action was available to me but I, like many of us on here, was basically financially clueless until I got here.

I can't start saving for a new boat yet as I still have my own debts to pay and it's looking very likely that I'll have to pay off ex's debt too. Yes he'll be ordered to repay that to me by the court, but if he's still unemployed (and I have good reason to believe that this is the case) I'll get a pittance each month from now until eternity before he's paid it all.

Moral of the story? NEVER, EVER, EVER GET JOINT FINANCE WITH SOMEONE. :eek: And never trust even the person you loved enough to marry with your finances.

Alixandrea

Gloomendoom

Keep it civil is good advice. I told my ex she could take anything she wanted except the cat and my Land Rover. That way we didn't need to use solicitors. She took slightly more than I was expecting but even after buying replacements I still reckon that I ended up a lot better off financially than if I had been awkward. We both did.

Compromise is the name of the game.

escortg3

When me and ex split i signed my half of the house over to my children. my ex continues to pay the mortgage and lives in the property.

Solicitors fees to pay for both of us.

No other pay out.

floss2

With the help of an enabling job offer with a 25% payrise, my mum who accomodated me & the kids for 6 months and my solicitor who did everything with patience and legal aid!

I got custody of the kids, washing machine & dryer, cooker, fridge freezer & most furniture - he got the cat, 3-piece suite, dishwasher & microwave. He also had a large legal bill mainly due disputing everything my solicitor said to his, and also to moving house several times during the divorce and not telling his solicitor, which meant mine had to write to his so his would write to him at his new address which cost him more cash......he wouldn't listen!!

I didn't get much settlement (£2k) as I would have had to pay back some of the legal aid. We were already selling the house as he'd stopped paying the mortgage (to$$er!) and the Abbey National were starting repo. What equity there was paid the estate agents & legal bill for the sale.

I did gain a much more settled life where I was in control of what happened, my kids have grown up in a happy home without the arguing that was going on before the split, even if things were a bit tight financially at times (mainly when he was playing games with the CSA - until he got found out & had to pay £3,500 in back maintenance!).

I now have a lovely husband and no contact with the father of my sons.

gratefulforhelp_2

I had to downsize and made a few quid sending furniture to auction and returning things that were under warranty, with faults I would otherwise have lived with.