problem with CSA

SuziQ

Originally Posted by PerfectPeaches
I think you actually need to contact JD Williams direct. However, why take out an account with them to try and build up your credit rating? Catalogues are notoriously awful with APR and interest charges and from having dealt with them before myself I would never open another account with a catalogue let alone open one and then spend on it straight away.

Peaches
thanks but its advice im after not a lecture. i was advised a while back if you take out a small managable amount of credit and prove that you can pay it back it helps your credit rating. oh and as far as the apr, interest is only added after the first month if you dont pay back in full, which i intend to do, therefore, no interest

You do seem to jump on people you know. This person was offering advice and you accused them of lecturing-you seriously need to take a deep breath before you post. Getting so upset over a forum like this is not worth it, honestly-there are some seriously nasty threads on here, but this isn't one of them.

fannyanna

kizzy2010 wrote: »

Of course we have no evidence of this as it was done over the counter in the bank.

Of course. How silly of me!

I had wondered whether your OH had been making payments to his ex by standing order with a title of child maintenance.

I must apologise for wasting your time whilst trying to assist you with you situation. My crystal ball isn't working today.

FBaby

The problem from reading your post is that they also had joint debts, whatever it was spent on. So really, he should have been paying maintenance AND his half of the debts (going on what you say in your first post that it was joint). So could it be that the pwc considered that the £80 he was paying was for the repayment of his debt rather than maintenance for the child?

Why didn't your OH decide to do things more officially knowing that the pwc was clearly unhappy at the situation?

clearingout

No - we don't know the whole story but even if we did, it doesn't change the fact ('cos I think it's a fact) that you seem to consider that your partner should support you and your children above his own children and whatever the rights and wrongs of that may be, the 'system' doesn't work like that. The 'system' makes a priority of natural children and collects monies owing to the PWC from the NRP on this basis. It makes no assumptions about rights or wrong, illness, death etc. etc. etc. It simply collects money from people who are working on a PAYE or on benefits or who are self employed and choose to pay (if you look around you will see that many of us struggle with self employed NRPs who the CSA struggles to deal with due to various loop-holes and sheer bloody-mindedness).

The court system is the place to air grievances over contact with your children and unless your partner is an axe murderer, habitual drug user, or has been abusive towards his children and this can be proven, he would get contact ordered with his children. That's up to him. There are many NRP here who would judge an NRP who doesn't see their children and who doesn't take court action. Others have their reasons for not pursuing contact via the courts. Neither is wrong nor right.

There are many NRPs and PWCs and their partners who post regularly on these forums. Much of the time we have opposite views. Much of the time we argue about the rights and wrongs and usually we all agree that whatever side of the fence you're sitting on, the system sucks!

You have been offered advice - you choose not to take it. Instead, you are simply coming back with argument after argument as to why it's OK that your partner shouldn't have to support his children. You seem to feel this isn't the case - that you are more than happy that he should support his children - but your earlier posts simply state that now he's moved in with you and your children, you don't see why your children so go without. It's a fair point and we understand that. We have invited you to consider a different view point - that his children shouldn't have to go without and within that we have explained that there's going to be very little you can do about it - but you have become defensive rather than think about how your early words might have been viewed.

Your attitude, as I see it and am experiencing it, is exactly why many PWC struggle to cope with the NRP moving into a new relationship - because that new relationship demands that children come second. My children should never, ever come second in their father's life but unfortunately, they do. That is not entirely his new partners fault, I agree. She owes me nothing. But she does owe her partner's children a general courtesy and she should do everything within her power to make sure that they have a half decent life. Instead, she uses her financial skills to support my partner in making no child maintenance payments whatsoever whilst she, her children and my ex take several holidays a year. I would suggest you deal with a sobbing 7 year old who doesn't get why his daddy never takes him on holiday but takes someone else's child and then post back here exactly how that makes you feel.

kizzy2010

And that is relevant how exactly lol. So I have an issue with judgemental people so what. I don't judge people without having all the facts like so many on here do. This has gone from a simple question to everything about me and my life criticised. Is it any wonder people get angry. A couple of people have been helpful and I will get him to look into his CSA file so thanks for that. Other than that I'm left feeling like I'm the one in the wrong thru all this. There r issues thru all of this going right back to the beginning of our relationship that I will not divulge on here. It has taken us 2 years to work thru these issues. I will say this much, when we moved in together I had no idea this child even existed. Hence the trust issues we've had to work thru. So u c when we met in my mind I was getting involved with a single man with no commitments. We still aren't over this deception but don't make this out to be my fault cas its not

Shermanator123

What I dont get if he knew there was a CSA claim in place why didnt he notify the CSA himself he was out of work, then he would have been assessed correctly, from what I have read so far his lack of communication with the CSA is his fault no one elses.

fannyanna

Shermanator123 wrote: »

What I dont get if he knew there was a CSA claim in place why didnt he notify the CSA himself he was out of work, then he would have been assessed correctly, from what I have read so far his lack of communication with the CSA is his fault no one elses.

I believe (although I'm sure I will be appropriately admonished if incorrect) that the OP's OH has only just found out about the CSA claim - now that the CSA are taking arrears direct from his salary.

SuziQ

There r issues thru all of this going right back to the beginning of our relationship that I will not divulge on here. It has taken us 2 years to work thru these issues. I will say this much, when we moved in together I had no idea this child even existed. Hence the trust issues we've had to work thru. So u c when we met in my mind I was getting involved with a single man with no commitments. We still aren't over this deception but don't make this out to be my fault cas its not

Well if he has lied to you about having the child, how do you know he has told you the full truth about what happened with his ex (she may have very valid reasons for not wanting him to have contact), whether he was working/ignoring csa letters etc? No-one is accusing you of anything except being extremely angry and blasting at people because they have a different slant on your situation. I say this kindly, but one thing having cancer has taught me-it just ain't worth getting upset about words posted on an internet forum! Get back to the CSA and ask to see how they have worked the figures out and challenge them-it's the only thing you can do. I gave up being bitter about my ex years ago -'bitterness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die!' He doesn't sound much of a catch-maybe you could do better? You have certainly had some rotten luck with men and I hope things will pan out better for you in the future.

kizzy2010

All I can say is that I have not said he shouldn't support her. I just think its wrong that he tried to do the right thing by his daughter and it gets thrown back in his face and ends up paying twice. I stand by the fact that my children should not suffer when all along he has done the right thing, even if it was without me knowing for a while. He's paid her maintenance now he's being told he hasn't and has to pay again. That is wrong

Shermanator123

kizzy2010 wrote: »

All I can say is that I have not said he shouldn't support her. I just think its wrong that he tried to do the right thing by his daughter and it gets thrown back in his face and ends up paying twice. I stand by the fact that my children should not suffer when all along he has done the right thing, even if it was without me knowing for a while. He's paid her maintenance now he's being told he hasn't and has to pay again. That is wrong

I agree it is wrong and I sympathise, does he have contact with the child?