problem with CSA

FBaby

But it's not for her OH to support your OH children!!! that doesn't change anything to the fact that your OH has a child that he should be supporting him/her. You have made the choice to stay at home, her OH is working (I'm assuming if he supporting them) so he can provide some support towards the child where you can't support your own children. Again, that is YOUR choice just like it is his choice whether to provide some financial support towards his step-child or not.

fannyanna

First of all calm down and stop swearing!

clearingout

why do you assume she thought she could get more? it sounds very much like a case whereby she simply wanted to formalise the arrangement so she knew what money was coming to her.

You won't win friends and influence anyone by swearing at someone who doesn't agree with you. The fundamental point in this argument is that you expect a new partner to take over parental responsibility for another parent's child when in a new relationship. It doesn't work like that. Out of interest, do your children see their dad?

kizzy2010

At the end of the day my conscience is clear. I never once said he shouldn't support his daughter. My query was about the arrears that have been wrongly accrued due to the fact that he was unaware of the claim plus he wasn't working. U lot of idiots jump on it like I'm a wicked money grabbing witch of the bloody west. I fully agree he should support his daughter and never once said or implied otherwise. The money he's been left with even if I was working and we split all the bills down the middle, he wouldn't have enough to even do that so even if u took me and my kids out of the equation he wouldn't be able to support himself with rent etc on 105 a week.

SuziQ

Kizzy I think you are getting overly defensive and angry here. If we post on a forum then we can expect people to have varying opinions and I haven't seen anyone attacking you. If you are 'so' sensitive then maybe internet forums are not for you because it is so easy to misinterpret on a faceless forum like this and take offence where none was meant.

I agree with many here-your OH has a responsibility to support his child, no matter what his circumstances. If he was out of work for a while his child still had to eat and needed clothes etc- why shouldn't he be expected to pay monies owed? Him not seeing his child is also irrelevant. Maybe neither of you could afford for him to move in with you, is the truth. No-one accused you of coercing him into moving in with you, but his child is a priority and I would imagine his ex was pretty miffed all the time she didn't receive anything from him. And by the way, I know a bit about this- I am in both sides of this situation, with an ex who refused to pay support -ever- and a second husband who had to pay an enormous amount (to us) of maintenance to his ex who was living in a beautiful detached home with her new husband with 2 holidays a year etc, whilst he was allowed no contact at all. That was the choice we made when we chose to live together. Blended families are tough and costly, that's for sure, and sometimes the maths has to be done before people decide to move on what their heart is saying.

BTW do you get DLA/carers allowance, as it sounds like you would be entitled?

fannyanna

kizzy2010 wrote: »

Oh my god how dare u. How dare u assume I expected anything of him. We met. He chose to move in with me. Into MY home and MY family. He knew my circumstances and knew that if he moved in with me and found a new job (left old one due to the small matter of a 250 mile relocate before I get attacked on that one too) I would lose my benefits (which I chose to live on for reasons stated earlier). Again he chose to move up here and he chose to go to work. Nobody forced him so how dare u accuse me of being some money sponging low life. Oh and might I point out that the money he sent over the whole period worked out at around the 20 a week. She thought she could get more. Oh and he sent that when he was out of work for a year as well which came out of benefits that were as much mine as his so f**k off with ur opinions

Regardless of what you think I am trying to be sympathetic and trying to help you.

As I said before first thing I think you need to do is to get a copy of the file that the CSA hold on your OH.

They presumably feel that your OH has been evasive. If this is not the case you need to contact them and make them aware that communications were never received.

If they are suggesting that he is liable for child maintenance for a period when he was out of work you need to provide evidence to them that he was out of work.

You need to check to make sure that you are happy with the amount of maintenance that they have assessed him as liable for. It should be 15% of his net income if he doesn't have his daughter stay over with him.

You then need to liaise with them regarding him paying the debts. As I said before I don't think they'll take it into account but it's worth asking. You don't get anything if you don't try.

I think you need to do the basic fact finding first. Once you've done that you can then work out your next step.

Whilst I disagree with what you're saying I can completely understand what it feels like to believe that you are a victim of the CSA. I am normally not too popular with my views when I post on this forum however I accept that people are probably going to disagree with me (and quite strongly too). You need to accept that this is a public forum, you've put yourself out there and you are going to get varying responses. Some in agreement, some in disagreement, some people who are pleasant and others that are a bit more robust in their views.

I'm sorry if you feel you've been ganged up on. I think it's just one of those thing - people's children and child support is an emotive subject and as I'm sure you can appreciate most people post here for the simple reason that they've been wronged in the past. That then makes people very defensive and rigid to their convictions (whether PWC, NRP or NRPP).

Swearing at people wont help you though.

I do hope that you can get the situation sorted. For the sake of all involved.

SuziQ

fact that he was unaware of the claim

His child still needed to eat- I assume he was claiming benefits-many fathers at least send £5 out of that, but if he had been assessed at that time, properly then he would have been given a low amount to pay, can he prove he was out of work, has he queried the figures? We had to do that once, as the CSA had added my salary onto my husbands and it almost doubled his payments.

kizzy2010

I am not on here to make friends. And ur opinions r rubbish cas u don't know the whole story. My son would have a hard job as his father died when he was a baby. my daughters father sees them both. The reason his maintenance payments r so low is because he is currently going through the DLA channels as he has had 4 strokes in the last 12 months and has been told he can no longer work. He also has heart disease so add that together with the risk of seizures from the stroke scarring makes it near impossible to find work.
Why am I explaining any of this to any of u. None of u r giving me advice anymore just an ear bashing

fannyanna

kizzy2010 wrote: »

I am not on here to make friends.

Well I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I'd already worked that out :rotfl:

kizzy2010 wrote: »

None of u r giving me advice anymore just an ear bashing

Did you read my last post? Does that not constitute advice?

kizzy2010

Seriously can u lot not read. I just said that EVEN WHEN HE WAS NOT WORKING WE STILL SENT MONEY TO HER. We could afford to move in together at the rate of the 20 a week we were sending her on a monthly basis. Of course we have no evidence of this as it was done over the counter in the bank. He then gets slapped with a letter saying he's not paid for x amount of time when he has and the payments go from 20 a week to 70 due to so called arrears. There in lies the problem so don't make me or him out to be the bad guy here