Ever felt like the poor relation?

aliasojo

Tropez wrote: »

It might not have no effect but I do believe that you may be overestimating the effect that it has.

I have a good job, I get paid even what I consider to be an overt amount for the work that I actually do, I have a few luxuries, nice house in an affluent area, expensive SUV in the drive (well garage etc.)

But I don't come from an affluent background. I come from a working class background that lived below the poverty line at times. I come from a family that was forced to move from an impoverished area to a low-income area so that my dad could get a job, and when he fell ill and eventually passed away we had next to nothing coming in for a while.

I also went to a normal school, although because it was C of E it was forced to waste my time teaching me about religion than anything remotely useful but there you go.

Yes, maybe if my family had been better off I'd be doing even better for myself. Maybe I'd have a Porsche in the garage... but maybe also I would have had a sense of smug self-entitlement that some private school goers with rich daddies have.

It's swings and roundabouts - there's no right or wrong answer as to whether private school makes people more successful, it can certainly help, but the overriding attribute will always be the attitude of the individual.

Good post Tropez.

budget_babe

Good title and yes I have felt like the poor relation.

My inlaws always made me and DH feel we were the poor relations to his brother and sister.

My Ds and my only child even said at 14 to my husbands parents that he felt 2nd class to the other grandchildren.

I come from a working class back ground my father being a coal miner etc.

But myself and my husband have always put our Ds first, he was bright and went to university, we paid for this, ensuring that he was able to concentrate on his studies. (We are not wealthy but work hard and did without things for ourselves, in order to do this)

He graduated with a first class degree, started work 3 weeks after he came home from uni, (The 3 weeks were to also find somewhere to live and move 200 miles away from here). He also had 5 more jobs offers and was through to the final stages in other companies.

He focused on what he wanted, he has said that he wanted to prove my Dh's parents wrong and that has also spurred him on.

He now lives a very different life, is very successful and has just brought his first house.

At 17 he did a work placement and went away for 3 weeks, he stayed with a couple who worked for the company he was doing his placement at, he saw a very different life. They had a fantastic home, mercedes cars etc etc.

I feel to this day that seeing this other side of life made him see just what you could have if you worked hard.

In life it comes down to the choices we all make, it involves working hard but also an element of luck I feel as timing in life is everything.

I am so very proud of him and all that he has achieved so far, we remain close, but I do think having a stable childhood and support is very important.

I agree that people are successful without this, however I think it does play a part in the lives of some, who if had been encouraged more would have gone onto achieve more.

Private schools or comprehensive, what matters in the end is how much we strive to achieve our dreams?

We all follow different paths its where it leads to and what we learn along the way that in the end will shape our destiny.

Budgie x

Tropez

Any wrote: »

Sooooo true!!!! And it gets on peoples nerves. Those are lost from the start... bad attitude:D

I should clarify though that it is only some. None of my friends who went to private school are like that, although some of their friends are.

When we were kids though, I did laugh my rear-end off once when one of my posh schooled friends tried to get into the cinema whilst a quid short by proudly proclaiming that he went to the local posh school and his dad drove a Jag.

aliasojo

Any wrote: »

Oh yes, there is influence. The influence of people who didn't achieve anything and use the mantra excuse "I wasn't born rich and therefore got no opportunities"...

I don't think it's as black and white as that and I'm not suggesting people who didn't have the same opportunities as those who went to private school would not achieve.

What I am questioning is whether those who were influenced by the greater opportunities afforded to them by private school would have taken the same paths had they been at the scruffy local comprehensive and mixed with a different type of peer group.

I just don't believe that would be the case.

Any

Tropez wrote: »

I should clarify though that it is only some. None of my friends who went to private school are like that, although some of their friends are.

When we were kids though, I did laugh my rear-end off once when one of my posh schooled friends tried to get into the cinema whilst a quid short by proudly proclaiming that he went to the local posh school and his dad drove a Jag.

Oh completely. I know some good ones. I know some bad ones. I know some good local school ones too.

Any

aliasojo wrote: »

I don't think it's as black and white as that and I'm not suggesting people who didn't have the same opportunities as those who went to private school would not achieve.

What I am questioning is whether those who were influenced by the greater opportunities afforded to them by private school would have taken the same paths had they been at the scruffy local comprehensive and mixed with a different type of peer group.

I just don't believe that would be the case.

Huh??
It works both ways - some kids from local comprehensive would possibly not chosen the same paths would they be brought up in cotton wool.
It swings round in roundabouts!!!

So no, it is not black and white. It is just life, it is the way it is. But claiming it is definitely easier for the rich kids is taking a massive shortcut and adding 2+2 as five.

And I do think you are putting a lot of assumptions to private schools - they are just like comprehensive ones you know - there is lots of bulying, lots of my daddy has more money then your daddy, suicides at some (yes, my BIL lived through his stay at one) and good ones and bad ones.

RadoJo

I think the parent's approach probably has a bigger impact that the school itself - a child at a comp whose parents encourage it to aim high and achieve its best will do better than a child at a private school whose parents show little interest in their education. I know one millionaire who had all the benefits of a private education but made his money through a lucky break in the music industry, and one who left school at 16 with hardly any qualifications and had made the most of his lot by working hard and playing to his strengths.
Whilst a private education might make a difference, it is only one factor (and not necessarily a major one) in a raft of contributing elements towards someone's eventual standing.

euronorris

aliasojo wrote: »

There's no 'so what'. My original post questioned whether private schooling made a difference. At no point did I state it was an all or nothing type scenario.

With respect you are being far too personal and far too assuming. My parents were well off as it happens, as I said I went to a private primary but my Father's views changed at one point and so did my schooling.

Apologies, I did not mean to be too personal or assuming. That is why I asked questions. But I'm sorry if it came accross that way.

Private schooling may make a difference. It may not. It is dependant on so many other factors IMO, not just the schooling.

My 'so what' comes from the fact that you appear to feel resentful about your cousins receiving private schooling throughout, when you did not. (again, apologies if that comes accross as personal). However, as it is only one of many factors, and you have the power to change things as an adult, private schooling IMO, isn't the deciding factor. Therefore, it helps (some people, and to some degree), but so what? So do other factors, and they can in fact hinder some people. If you get everything handed on a plate, some people will expect it eternally and never take the iniative to work hard for things themselves.

I don't believe that private schooling is the deciding factor, or even that it has a huge effect. I believe there are other factors that play a much larger part. Mainly the parents and the attitude they present at home and to the child. There were plenty of kids at my school who were spoilt rotten and therefore didn't bother with school work, as in their words 'Why bother? My Dad will give me x, y and z/his company when I'm older anyway.'.

aliasojo

aliasojo wrote: »

I wonder if I'm a product of my environment too. :think: Do you think people achieve more if they are surrounded by higher standards?

Obviously there will be exceptions and people will have tales of 'whoever' who pulled himself up from nothing etc, etc but this is more of a 'general' thought.

euronorris wrote: »

My 'so what' comes from the fact that you appear to feel resentful about your cousins receiving private schooling throughout, when you did not.



I don't believe that private schooling is the deciding factor, or even that it has a huge effect.

Resentful? Really? You get that from my comments?

euronorris

aliasojo wrote: »

Resentful? Really? You get that from my comments?

Yes, in your opening post, you end with 'I'm sat here wishing I could magic myself back to Primary 7'.

Apologies if I misunderstood, but that gave me the impression that you are resentful of the fact that your private education stopped there.