Ever felt like the poor relation?

aliasojo

Any wrote: »

We will have to disagree then. I cannot see how family money or affluence can bring you inteligence. And that is where it all starts - inteligence and attitude.

Again, partly my point.

Attitude developed from posh private school that churns out high achievers

and

Attitude developed from scruffy comp where the majority of kids leave at 16 to go on the dole.

Yes some will have fantastically strong parental support and encouragement but the majority of parents whose children attend the scruffy comp are of a different midset to those whose children attend a private school.

That doesn't mean a person at the scruffy comp is destined to fail, not at all. I can't accept there is no effect though.

sparrer

I wonder what OP thought of her relatives before she discovered they're £ rich.

I had it all - big house, priv ed for son, cars, business, jewellery, sports, holidays when we wanted, whatever it was we had it or could afford it if we wanted it. It was a very false life, one of cut-throat competition, constantly spinning and weaving, striving to show off the best assets, mixing with the A-list etc etc. All fine and dandy - as long as you can stay on the perch. Fall down a rung and.... I can't even be bothered to think about it now.

Thanks to the recession (the one before this) I'm now single, dirt poor, have a little HA home, very battered old car, live on a disability pension and have to scrape to afford anything, am nor too proud to eat out of date food, freecycle is one of my best friends. I have genuine, honest friends, neighbours who would give their last penny to help out although they have pitifully few for themselves. I'm proud of who I am and what little I have, I have no credit cards or accounts, no store cards, no debts, don't owe a penny to anyone. Am I happy today? You can betcha bottom dollar I am!

balletshoes

Any wrote: »

If you are told enough times that you cannot do something you will believe it.

That is why even caresing this suggestion that private school/better family/inheritance/daddy worked harder would have helped you is wrong on all levels. It gives your children all the wrong attitude.

yes, I totally agree with this.

aliasojo

sparrer wrote: »

I wonder what OP thought of her relatives before she discovered they're £ rich.

Strange question. I thought the same about them this morning as I did this afternoon after finding out.

I'm not sure why the thread has taken the route it has tbh, I had an interesting discussion with family earlier and I thought it was an interesting subject for discussion here but it seems to have developed into some sort of personal assumption time.

euronorris

aliasojo wrote: »

That's my point though, it makes it easier.

No, that's got nothing to do with this. Two entirely seperate issues.

It just so happens I was catching up on family news and we were discussing how the 'children' of the family who attended private schools and mixed with kids who had high standards set for them at an early age, achieved far more in life generally than the ones who attended the local comp where it was an achievement if you were at school all week.

Whilst I agree people are individuals and as such are able to strive to achieve for themselves regardless of background, I also believe some are more affected by external factors than others and shaping can take place at an early age.

Well, it makes it easier, but so what? Nothing in this life comes for free, so, in order to attain those things there has been a trade off somewhere.

Are you angry that your parents weren't well off? If so, why? You are doing alright now, and if you aren't, it is within your power to change things.

How do you know that your cousins didn't miss out on a loving family, or just being able to enjoy their childhood without stressing about getting an A* on their exams, or what pressure they felt under from all angles etc.

Any

aliasojo wrote: »

Again, partly my point.

Attitude developed from posh private school that churns out high achievers

and

Attitude developed from scruffy comp where the majority of kids leave at 16 to go on the dole.

Yes some will have fantastically strong parental support and encouragement but the majority of parents whose children attend the scruffy comp are of a different midset to those whose children attend a private school.

That doesn't mean a person at the scruffy comp is destined to fail, not at all. I can't accept there is no effect though.

Oh yes, there is influence. The influence of people who didn't achieve anything and use the mantra excuse "I wasn't born rich and therefore got no opportunities"... have you noticed that only people who didn't achieve anything use it? You don't hear it from the succesfull ones... It's virtualy a magic circle. That is why I will never take this excuse from inteligent people.

That is why it should be forbiden to say it out loud in my opinion:D

Tropez

aliasojo wrote: »

Again, partly my point.

Attitude developed from posh private school that churns out high achievers

and

Attitude developed from scruffy comp where the majority of kids leave at 16 to go on the dole.

Yes some will have fantastically strong parental support and encouragement but the majority of parents whose children attend the scruffy comp are of a different midset to those whose children attend a private school.

That doesn't mean a person at the scruffy comp is destined to fail, not at all. I can't accept there is no effect though.

It might not have no effect but I do believe that you may be overestimating the effect that it has.

I have a good job, I get paid even what I consider to be an overt amount for the work that I actually do, I have a few luxuries, nice house in an affluent area, expensive SUV in the drive (well garage etc.)

But I don't come from an affluent background. I come from a working class background that lived below the poverty line at times. I come from a family that was forced to move from an impoverished area to a low-income area so that my dad could get a job, and when he fell ill and eventually passed away we had next to nothing coming in for a while.

I also went to a normal school, although because it was C of E it was forced to waste my time teaching me about religion than anything remotely useful but there you go.

Yes, maybe if my family had been better off I'd be doing even better for myself. Maybe I'd have a Porsche in the garage... but maybe also I would have had a sense of smug self-entitlement that some private school goers with rich daddies have.

It's swings and roundabouts - there's no right or wrong answer as to whether private school makes people more successful, it can certainly help, but the overriding attribute will always be the attitude of the individual.

Any

aliasojo wrote: »

I'm not sure why the thread has taken the route it has tbh, I had an interesting discussion with family earlier and I thought it was an interesting subject for discussion here but it seems to have developed into some sort of personal assumption time.

It is an interesting discussion. The thread has taken exactly the direction I would have expected it to take.

You are questioning whether you are product of your environment. Your cousins are multimilionaires and you are not, because they went to private school and you didn't. What else would you expect??

aliasojo

euronorris wrote: »

Well, it makes it easier, but so what? Nothing in this life comes for free, so, in order to attain those things there has been a trade off somewhere.

Are you angry that your parents weren't well off? If so, why? You are doing alright now, and if you aren't, it is within your power to change things.

How do you know that your cousins didn't miss out on a loving family, or just being able to enjoy their childhood without stressing about getting an A* on their exams, or what pressure they felt under from all angles etc.

There's no 'so what'. My original post questioned whether private schooling made a difference. At no point did I state it was an all or nothing type scenario.

With respect you are being far too personal and far too assuming. My parents were well off as it happens, as I said I went to a private primary but my Father's views changed at one point and so did my schooling.

Any

Tropez wrote: »

Yes, maybe if my family had been better off I'd be doing even better for myself. Maybe I'd have a Porsche in the garage... but maybe also I would have had a sense of smug self-entitlement that some private school goers with rich daddies have.

It's swings and roundabouts - there's no right or wrong answer as to whether private school makes people more successful, it can certainly help, but the overriding attribute will always be the attitude of the individual.

Sooooo true!!!! And it gets on peoples nerves. Those are lost from the start... bad attitude:D