Giving birth alone? Doula?

Rummer

I did have my OH there but to be honest I was so focused on the labour that I couldn't have told you who was or was not in the room! After I just wanted to sleep so if you are not upset on the thought of delivering without a friend/family member there then I would recommend you don't have anyone. What is important though is to have someone to come and collect you on the day you leave.

TrixieB

I gave birth to my second child on my own - well aside from the mw obviously! - and I have to say I actually preferred it, I felt I could totally let go as it were and wasn't worried about peeing/pooing :eek::o or what I looked like etc.

jonty1970

http://doula.org.uk/content/hardship-fund

I had wonderful midwives in my local hospital. Never met them before I went into labor, but they were fantastic!
My ex was useless. He threw up and nearly fainted. It was a midwife who helped me with the worst contractons, by holdng my hand and showng me how to breath through the pain.
I got through with just gas and air.

Sadly, due to cuts, local women have to go to Oldham to give birth now, in a strange hospital

building_with_lego

aloise wrote: »

why do you have to have someone there. As long as the midwife is there and doctors around that is all you need. This is a fairly new thing, years ago we only had medile staff and at home only the midwife. my daughter is a doula in Canada, but has no training, so i can't understand what they are for.

Nicki wrote: »

Because giving birth is a scary thing and the midwife is not there for the whole of labour. She is usually looking after more than one woman at a time in early stages, so will be in and out checking on you, and can at times be gone for an hour or more delivering someone else's baby. Which is hard if you are on your own coping with contractions, and even harder if you need sudden help and have to cope with summoning that on your own.

At least that has been my experience, even giving birth in a private hospital with much higher staff patient ratios. Maybe the NHS now offers full time 1:1 midwife support from 3cm dilated but I somehow doubt it

You have yourself a homebirth for this!


Women who have another woman with them *throughout* their labour find things easier, less painful (so less need for drugs) and have less risk of caesarian section. We don't get the same benefit from having a man there, interestingly .
Read some of Michel Odent's thoughts on the matter for more indepth research

barbiedoll

I guess from your dates that you haven't met many of the midwives who will be looking after you. I don't know the set-up in your area but usually, you will be looked after by a "team" who will cover your local area. This can often mean that you see a different midwife at every appointment and when you deliver, you will see different midwives again, unless your team also cover the hospital births and not just the community appointments.

But......you may get a chance to meet one or two student midwives or maternity support workers at your clinic appointments. If you ask, one of them will probably be more than happy to accompany you at the birth, even if it means coming in during their off-duty hours. They will see it as valuable training experience, even if they're just there to hold your hand (if they are off-duty, they wouldn't be allowed to "work" although they would still be able to make themselves useful!) A couple of students that I have worked with have attended births in this way, although they did the asking. And one of my women asked me if I would come with her to the birth of her first baby, she was really nervous about her squeamish husband passing out or being sick! As it turns out, she had a home birth so she didn't need me but it was nice to be asked.

If the worst comes to the worst and you are alone, it won't make much difference to the outcome, if any. As any mother will tell you, once your labour is established and you're in "the zone" you wouldn't notice if Robbie Williams was dancing naked on a table, you won't miss OH too much, you'll be too busy! If you have a section, you will get a midwife at the "head end" holding your hand and looking after you anyway and afterwards you'll just be so pleased to be holding your baby that you won't notice anyone's absence. It's a shame that he can't be there for the birth but it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, he'll be a dad forever, the birth is just one moment. Good luck!

candygirl

I more or less gave birth on my own, as the midwiives reckoned my OH needed his sleep more than being there to support me:mad::mad:When my DD had my DGD 2 years ago I was there, and was a good support apparently.She had her Son last week and said her OH was bloody useless:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

marywooyeah

giving birth is painful and messy - I was embarrassed and ashamed that my husband saw me in that state and had to listen to me screaming the place down. In the highly unlikely event that I had another child I would seriously consider giving birth alone, for the above reasons but also because I found all the midwives talking really put me off and took me "out of the zone".

Ultimately you have 5 months til the big day, I'd ring some doulas up enquire about prices and see if there's anyone you click with. you never know what could happen between then and now you could make a really good friend who'll go with you if you do decide to have someone there. are you going to antenatal classes? I'd imagine you could make some friends there.
x

Toto

Why not ask your community mentor if any of her students would like to caseload you. This means that the student will be at as many of your antenatal appointments as she can. She will get to know you really well and will be there when you go into labour. All student midwives at my Uni have to caseload at least one woman each year, so you could ask for a third year student if you are more comfortable. This is a very good time to ask because the students all go back to Uni soon and most of them will be looking for their new lady.

Molly41

I had a lovely birth with my DD. It was just me and I remember saying to the midwife that I was sorry I was by myself. She was lovely and i never felt frightened or alone. I spent much of my labour sat outside as it was a warm summers night within calling distance and every so often she would come out and monitor the baby etc. When the time came I had a very quick second stage and my DD was born without pain relief. I think they spent more time with me because I was on my own. I dont remember feeling lonely as I just focussed on the contractions and the beautiful still night. Good luck with your choices x

Make-it-3

Maternity services being what they are, I don't think you can rely on having a midwife you know, or one who will be with you all the time in an NHS setting. Also they are there to do a job and are very much focussed on the health and wellbeing of you and your baby and not necessarily your emotional needs.

I didn't go with a doula but seriously considered it. You spend time with them before the birth getting to know them and more importantly they help you focus on the kind of birth you want and sticking up for those wants during labour (particularly good if you want a more natural birth). They can also help out afterwards and visit you at home afterwards too.

If the cost is an issue, I believe you can get a trainee doula for a much reduced price. Google it as there is a very informative website where you can find out more and has contact details of local doulas.