Have I been unfair?

lostinrates

I don't think its particularly thoughtful of your friend, but if asked, with a partner as my backup, I'd probably say yes.

Your partner will have to leave the hospital at some point for your cats, so he can swing by hers at that point and time that to avoid peak traffic times., so to make it the smaller issue.

Sure, the puss might be lonely for a while, but it'll be fed.

ellay864

I think you're being fair to warn her you might not be able to do it...it's not like you said you won't, just6 that you can't guarantee and its better she knows in advance. When I was expecting DS1 I finished work 6 weeks before he was due and I was asked if I could just see to a friend's dog - just popping round at lunchtimes to let the dog have a run in the garden. I said of course I would but 4 days into my ML my threatening pre-eclampsia kicked in and I was on bedrest 24/7. My mate totally understood but really had a hard time sorting out cover.
You've done the decent thing and she's spat the dummy out a bit - a real friend would have no worries accepting that impending labour might be an obstruction!

leandygandy

lostinrates wrote: »

Your partner will have to leave the hospital at some point for your cats

My MIL has a key and we have made arrangements with her so that we don't have to worry about them when the baby decides to make an appearance.

lostinrates

leandygandy wrote: »

My MIL has a key and we have made arrangements with her so that we don't have to worry about them when the baby decides to make an appearance.

In an emergency (not covered by the person who is meant to do them, who really should step up to the mark if you go into labour) could she do your friends cat?


Bearing in mind you are the back up for a friend, how likely is it that the other friend can't do it, is there a specific date they have a problem with?

Brighton_belle

I would never ever in a million years ask any friend due to give birth in 2 weeks (so could be any day now) any favour of any sort, even if she lived next door. It is just a potential unecessary extra strain on you and your partner.

I think your firend has been very thoughtless to be honest.

leandygandy

lostinrates wrote: »

In an emergency (not covered by the person who is meant to do them, who really should step up to the mark if you go into labour) could she do your friends cat?


Bearing in mind you are the back up for a friend, how likely is it that the other friend can't do it, is there a specific date they have a problem with?

MIL doesn't drive so wouldn't be able to get to my friend's place without paying for a taxi - not an issue for her to get to ours as she lives within walking distance.

I think the other friend is what is concerning me most, I got the distinct impression when my friend was asking me that her friend is saying yes but doesn't actually intend to help, can't put my finger on why but I can't shake the feeling? Think it must be the way my friend phrased it 'she doesn't think she can do everyday but will try her best and will let you know if you need to go over instead' what's to say I'm not going to get a text everyday? Maybe I am just reading too much into it though!

lostinrates

leandygandy wrote: »

I think the other friend is what is concerning me most, I got the distinct impression when my friend was asking me that her friend is saying yes but doesn't actually intend to help, can't put my finger on why but I can't shake the feeling? Think it must be the way my friend phrased it 'she doesn't think she can do everyday but will try her best and will let you know if you need to go over instead' what's to say I'm not going to get a text everyday? Maybe I am just reading too much into it though!

hmm. that's doubly not fair. And if I were your friend I'd be sick with worry.

Oh well, you've said no, so I guess its not really your problem any more.

Good luck with the baby

thistledome

I don't think you're being unfair OP, but I can see why your friend is fed up. She probably feels like the one who's always doing the favours and gets knocked back when she needs one in return. Perhaps with hindsight she'll realise that it's a bad time to be asking you for this particular favour. I agree with you about the other friend too, it sounds like she's not planning to spend much time feeding the cat!

Doesn't she have any neighbours she can ask? When I used to have a cat my elderly neighbour would pop in and feed her and we paid him with a bottle of whisky from our holiday, he was more than happy.

As a last resort aren't there any local pet sitting services? On the days you can't get round there, they could do it.

BitterAndTwisted

leandygandy wrote: »

So in actual fact, now that I think about it, my friend hasn't looked after our cats in well over a year...

Obviously this doesn't change anything, but I do feel a little bit hurt that some posters seem to be insinuating that I have taken advantage of her in the past - if at any point she had said she was not happy to look after our cats I would have respected that and made alternative arrangements.

Given your friend's help in the past and your own refusal to contemplate being a back-up, I don't think your friend is being unreasonable in being a bit miffed. I would be, too. You were happy to accept her help when it suited and it looks like you're not willing to reciprocate. Or even discuss it, by all appearances. You may not even be called upon in actual fact so you could be risking putting a huge dent in this friendship for no good reason.

Nicki

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Given your friend's help in the past and your own refusal to contemplate being a back-up, I don't think your friend is being unreasonable in being a bit miffed. I would be, too. You were happy to accept her help when it suited and it looks like you're not willing to reciprocate. Or even discuss it, by all appearances. You may not even be called upon in actual fact so you could be risking putting a huge dent in this friendship for no good reason.

And if she IS called upon but is unable to do it because she is in hospital and her OH is with her, would the friend then be entitled to be miffed that her cat went without food and water and to blame OP for not making other arrangements?