Have I been unfair?

BitterAndTwisted

If your friend has been kind and feed your animals while you've been away it would be rather churlish, to say the least, to refuse.

I think you should accept responsibility to be a back-up for the other person on the proviso that you don't go into labour.

*max*

January20 wrote: »

Personally, and I know I'm going to be flamed down for this, but hey that's what I think, pregnant or not (and I have been pregnant), I would have agreed to feed the cat for the sake of my friend, unless I was house or bed bound, unless I didn't have a partner who could go and put lots of food and water down as someone else suggested should the baby be born unexpectedly. But that's me. And you are allowed to say no to your friend.


I don't think you should ask your friend to feed your cats anymore when you go away though.

Why would you get flamed down? We all have our opinions, none is any more valid than the next! I agree though, the OP shouldn't ask her friend to feed her own cats anymore, that wouldn't go down too well I expect! But she has valid reasons to say no this one time, and her friend should understand, really, even if she's a bit put out.

make_me_wise

leandygandy wrote: »

I feel really awful as my friend has always been there to feed our cats when we go away, she's a fabulous friend and I couldn't ask for more, and the one time she needs me and I can't necessarily commit

Am I being unfair?

If this were such a fabulous friend she would not be asking this of you a couple of weeks before you are due to have a baby. If she were to sit back and think about this properly she would realise this is a tricky time for you to commit to anything. You have other priorities at the moment and rightly so.

Personally I think she had a nerve getting cross because you said no. If your friend wants to adopt a cat and be a responsible pet owner she should have thought about what that entails. That you get them neutered, and have their jabs up to date and if you go on holiday they go in a cattery and oddly yes that does cost a bit. Mostly that you cant expect someone to always drop what they are doing to care for it, especially if they are very heavily pregnant.

Your friend needs a bit of a reality check and to stop being selfish. You are not being unfair at all OP.

Carl31

Your friend is prepared to put a stray cat, that has no home and lives outside, into a cattery because shes going away?


lol

peachyprice

leandygandy wrote: »

I have my husband who could go and feed the cat and let it in and out, but I can't see him being happy to do it if it means leaving me and his newborn child - that's not what his paternity leave is for! He'd have to travel across town so it could mean being away from us for anything between half an hour and an hour depending on traffic. Not sure I'd want to accompany him either, you just don't know what my physical state may be if I've had a difficult birth, for example.

I don't think YOU are being unfair not wanting to commit so close you your due date and I think it's wise not to be too close to a cat that was stray, may not be vaccinated and could be carry all sorts of diseases.

However, I do think your OH is being unreasonable bearing in mind that you've relied on your friend to feed your cats when you have been on holiday, 30 mins - 1hr isn't alot out of his day with his newborn and I'm sure you'll need him to pop out and gets bits for you, he could feed the cat at the same time. If the cat eats dry food he would only need to go every other day, they're away for a week, he can't spare 3 hours out of his paternity leave to help out someone who has helped you out in the past?

If I were your friend and your OH can't help out IF NEEDED, I certainly wouldn't be feeding your cats when you go away again.

leandygandy

Thanks for all the replies, they are ALL important regardless of what their content is.

Just to clarify what exactly happened - I told her that it would not be a problem for me to do it but that she needed to find another backup person that could be called upon if her friend was unable to attend and so was I. That was when I feel she got a little bit irritable with me (it could be my perception though) and made the comment about a cattery and there not being anyone else who could help. I am slightly worried that her friend will turn round and say she can't do it once they have gone on holiday, and then the onus will be on me to find somebody to take over if I am unable to do so myself?

It is all very well saying that my husband should be able to do it, but what if I am actually in labour? He is my birth partner, I can't see him saying halfway through 'oh, just got to go and feed the cat' and poodling off lol

Just wanted to know if I have been unfair in asking her to consider finding a third party in case her other friend and myself cannot get over to look after the cat, that is all. If she says there is most definately nobody else I will find a way to get the cat fed, I most certainly don't want it left locked in/shut out for a whole week!

peachyprice

leandygandy wrote: »

It is all very well saying that my husband should be able to do it, but what if I am actually in labour? He is my birth partner, I can't see him saying halfway through 'oh, just got to go and feed the cat' and poodling off lol

It's a cat, as long as it has dried food and a couple of litter trays it won't need to be fed to a schedule.

I think you're making this into a bigger problem than it is.

leandygandy

And of course this could all be something and nothing as Mini G might be so cosy in there that he/she doesn't even come while my friend is on holiday, in which case I can go and look after the cat each day!

Stephb1986_2

If she has a cat flap it can let itself in and out and go the toilet outside it just needs food really. I don't think your being unfair as your in a difficult situation I hope it can be resolved soon. Good luck with the birth of your baby

Steph xx

*max*

peachyprice wrote: »

It's a cat, as long as it has dried food and a couple of litter trays it won't need to be fed to a schedule.

I think you're making this into a bigger problem than it is.

I'm actually beginning to agree with this. I hadn't factored in the partner.
It's true that he could go since it's not that far, as long as you are not in labour yet. Leaving the cat dry food, water and a clean litter tray would do for 2/3 days no problem. I would actually be tempted to not let the cat out at all, if there isn't a cat flap in the house, in case it runs off. It's only a week. Your partner could go 3/4 times to feed it and the cat would be fine. !!!!!! off at being inside, but fine! lol