Have I been unfair?

leandygandy

*max* wrote: »

I'm actually beginning to agree with this. I hadn't factored in the partner.
It's true that he could go since it's not that far, as long as you are not in labour yet. Leaving the cat dry food, water and a clean litter tray would do for 2/3 days no problem. I would actually be tempted to not let the cat out at all, if there isn't a cat flap in the house, in case it runs off. It's only a week. Your partner could go 3/4 times to feed it and the cat would be fine. !!!!!! off at being inside, but fine! lol

If I am not in labour yet I will go and do it myself each day

I wouldn't want to leave a cat inside for 2/3 days, it would get lonely, I'd not be happy with my cats being left alone for such a long period of time so I'd not do it to someone else's.

Hopefully baby will stay put for the week so that actually there is no issue

mishkanorman

From your friends point of view i would be miffed to say the least. She has put herself out for you in the past, she may have had to cancel plans or have major issues doing so that she hasnt told you about as she didnt want to upset you.

She hasnt asked you to commit to caring for the cat full time, just on the days when her other friend may not be able to. So it may be not at all !

My solution would be to buy a timed cat feeder, you can get them in argos relatively cheaply, and let her know that if her friend cant make it you will ask hubby to visit the cat every other day and use the feeder inbetween. (IF you were to have bubs that is and be unable to attend yourself) That way you show her your friendship means something and all the times she has helped you out arent being thrown back in her face, but you wont be putting yourself/hubby out massively,

most important thing ive found with friends is talk, talk, talk !

*max*

Well, if you can do it, and feel up to it, then do it! I only said 2/3 days because you sounded like you were nervous at the thought of being left alone too often in case baby makes an appearance. In any case, even 2/3 days is hardly animal abuse (just to make you feel better in case you have to leave it that long).

halibut2209

mishkanorman wrote: »

she may have had to cancel plans or have major issues doing so that she hasnt told you about as she didnt want to upset you.

Exactly!

OP, you would be out of line if you selfishly chose to give birth whilst your friend is away. You should hang your head in shame for even contemplating it! You should have realised 9 months ago what problems you would be causing! For shame!


But in all seriousness, as a father myself, I expect your OP would be glad of a break from the hospital to go out, feed the cat, get whatever you need etc.

peachyprice

leandygandy wrote: »

I wouldn't want to leave a cat inside for 2/3 days, it would get lonely, I'd not be happy with my cats being left alone for such a long period of time so I'd not do it to someone else's.

To be honest, I wouldn't let someone elses cat out if they didn't have a cat flap, and I certainly wouldn't want anyone letting my cat out.

Bearing in mind this was a stray, it's likely to do a runner as soon as it's let out, it won't understand it's new owners have gone on holiday, it'll think it's been abandoned again.

Better a lonely cat than a lost cat IMO.

halibut2209

Anyone else concerned that a little girl might be crying somewhere because her cat is missing?

leandygandy

mishkanorman wrote: »

From your friends point of view i would be miffed to say the least. She has put herself out for you in the past, she may have had to cancel plans or have major issues doing so that she hasnt told you about as she didnt want to upset you.

I see what you are saying but she has always said that she is happy to do it - she lived at home with her family so would move into our flat for the duration of our holidays and was glad of the peace and quiet and somewhere to call her own.

We haven't asked her to look after the cats since she met her boyfriend and moved in with him as we acknowledged that she would rather be spending time with him rather than travelling across town to tend to our boys. We have instead asked my husband's sister to stay at the flat and look after the cats, as she has just reached that age where she also likes the chance to have some privacy away from home.

So in actual fact, now that I think about it, my friend hasn't looked after our cats in well over a year...

Obviously this doesn't change anything, but I do feel a little bit hurt that some posters seem to be insinuating that I have taken advantage of her in the past - if at any point she had said she was not happy to look after our cats I would have respected that and made alternative arrangements.

Anyhow, not really sure that there is much more to be said on the issue, hopefully it's not even going to be a problem and between my friend's friend and I we will be able to tend to the cat daily.

Thanks to all for sharing your viewpoints, it's been much appreciated :beer:

peachyprice

halibut2209 wrote: »

Anyone else concerned that a little girl might be crying somewhere because her cat is missing?

She might find it comes home soon.

Nicki

My own cat died when I had DD so I don't think its unreasonable to be worried about not being able to look after someone else's when you are so close to giving birth.

Things don't always go according to plan with a birth and newborn. When I had DD I had a fairly short (13 hour labour) but then haemmoredged afterwards and was very poorly in hospital for 10 days afterwards. OH barely left my side. We had family staying to look after my DS, but they were also beside themselves with worry and failed to notice the cat had become ill. It died of advanced renal failure 2 days after I got home.

It doesn't need to be so extreme for OP to run into difficulties. She could have a long labour followed by an emergency c section with baby in SCBU for a few days. In those circumstances I could quite see that her OH could not be able or want to leave her and the baby for 3 or 4 days even on a one or two hour trip to feed a cat and buy a timed dish for the rest of the friends holiday.

As a cat owner myself, it wouldn't cross my mind to ask anyone in the last 2 weeks of pregnancy to look after my cat however many times I had looked after theirs, and especially not where a long journey there and back was involved. My guess is the friend has a cat but has never had a child and has no idea what late pregnancy, new parenthood is like!

shellsuit

No you're not being unfair, if anything, your friend is.

You're coming to your due date, so obviously will have other things to worry about.

It's not as if this friend is around the corner either is it, so you have to travel there and back.

I would have said No. The only thing I wanted to do in my last week of pregnancy was sit/lie down as I was so tired!