Time apart

ska_lover

If you love someone let them go and if they are yours to keep, they will come right back.

Chicken320

make me wise - Some very wise words and it looks like I have a lot of thinking to do. You've summed me up in that first paragraph and I think I need to think about myself for once. I will keep you updated with how things progress, good or bad.

ska lover - ... I can only hope :-)

newcook

janninew wrote: »

What's wrong with the term partner? After 3 years together I would say partner is a perfect word to use!

for me the term 'partner' is used by older people or those who feel they are too old to refer to their OH as boyfriend/girlfriend or if its on a formal invite (my work for example sent out xmas party invites for staff plus partners)

victory

...............................................

Chicken320

victory - Thanks for taking the time to post. The pain is massive at the moment and my close family are being extremely unsympathetic - to be expected.

I am wondering whether it was the right move to ask her to contact me when she is ready as I'm worried I could be a distant memory by this point. Should I leave it for a month or so and if there is no news, suggest we communicate infrequently (say via email or text)? I appreciate it's very early days, I'm just trying to work it all out...

make_me_wise

Chicken320 wrote: »

I am wondering whether it was the right move to ask her to contact me when she is ready as I'm worried I could be a distant memory by this point. Should I leave it for a month or so and if there is no news, suggest we communicate infrequently (say via email or text)? I appreciate it's very early days, I'm just trying to work it all out...

Let her contact you when she is ready. In the meantime dont make her the only total focus in your life. It may seem a really scary and horrible prospect to do this. You may surprise yourself though just how liberating this can be and how much strength you will gain as a human being. Dont worry if you end up becoming a distant memory. Decide after spending time concentrating on your life and your needs whether or not you want to be uppermost in her thoughts or not. You may not believe this now but if you value yourself and really consider carefully what your needs in future are, she may not feature as strongly in your plans.

Its very normal to be just as you are right now after being part of a couple for so long. Read back what I have quoted above and ask yourself this 'Is your current focus all about her, what she may think/feel in a few months, whether she will want you or is your focus on you, what you need and how you will feel after some breathing space?'

victory

Chicken320 wrote: »

victory - Thanks for taking the time to post. The pain is massive at the moment and my close family are being extremely unsympathetic - to be expected.

I am wondering whether it was the right move to ask her to contact me when she is ready as I'm worried I could be a distant memory by this point. Should I leave it for a month or so and if there is no news, suggest we communicate infrequently (say via email or text)? I appreciate it's very early days, I'm just trying to work it all out...

If you are to communicate with her communicate once and tell her via email how distressing this is for you and your exact thoughts on the time apart.

Do not hound her, keep texting, etc that will get her back up.

Please try, I know it is super hard, please try to find something else to do/think about, focus on and then it will be much easier for your mentally. I know all you can think about is this at the moment but please try.

Chicken320

Brilliant, you offer fantastic words of wisdom - thank you.

I've been concentrating on myself as much as possible and things are getting slightly easier, however, everything I'm doing I feel the urge to tell her about. I no longer feel I can share my excitement with someone - I'm sure this will come with time.

I'm in total agreement that texts and constant badgering is a no go and I will resist contacting her for as long as possible. My aim is to leave it until a minimum of a month and then re-evaluate how I feel, potentially via the medium of an email. We've shared so many happy moments and we make such a great couple, I hope these emotions come flooding back to her. But, before she shares this with me, I feel she needs to work out exactly what she wants and where she sees her life heading.

The pain, disapointment and loneliness has been that much that I want to be sure it's the right decision for me. I'm planning to join a local cycle club, squeeze in lots of fitness and get myself into even better shape. Thing is, I need to make sure what I do from here-on-in is for me, no one else...