Time apart

victory

Chicken320 wrote: »

I am 23, but you're right, 'partner' isn't the correct term. Admittidly, we haven't set enough guidlines, although one thing's certain, seeing other people is off the cards.

I share the view that 'on a break' is a gentle way of letting someone down, but, at the same time, I live in hope that I can win her back! Show her that the grass isn't always greener on the otherside and that I feel I can offer her happiness!

When you say win her back? Do you feel that you have done something wrong to have 'to win her back' were there arguments before hand, did you have disagreements, was she trying to tell you things and you were not listening?

neneromanova

Chicken320 wrote: »

I established quite a long time ago that she was 'the one' for me and she said felt the same too. However, something has changed things, sparked this and her life isn't progressing as quickly as she'd like. I have a poor relationship with family members, which has forced me to move out. Maybe life is progressing too quickly and she feels suffocated - I don't know. In essence, all I want to do is, do right by her, her family and try and win her back!

When my OH and I broke up for 2 months (3 months into our relationship) it was because he needed to find out what he wanted and get his head straight (He'd just come out of a marraige where she was a nut job, his words not mine)for 1 month we barely spoke. actually I don't think we did at all, but he tells me know that all he kept thinking and talking about to friends was me. His mate just said even though he's been through what he had, If i was what was making him happy then go for it.

So I really don't think she will forget you. She will probably be sitting there thinking, "why hasn't he texted me to see if I'm alright." "What's he doing now?"

If she doesn't sit there thinking that then she really isn't the one for you.

Good Luck.

Chicken320

Victory - All very good points and I think writing my feelings down will help a great deal. It took a lot of courage to come on here and post this.

I don't feel any guilt as such, she said 'I couldn't have been a better boyfriend' and questioned whether she was good enough for me and whether she was too selfish. I explained that everybody has their weaknesses, me included, but I loved her none-the-less. Like you say, I think I need to step back and recognise that these are her feelings, all is not lost and hope things play my way.

For me, it's been the best three-years of my life, so I only hope she feels the same. Recently we haven't felt as close, but that's mainly down to the fact I knew she wasn't telling me everything, her relationship with my family (now greatly improved) and mine also (less so). I think I need to look forward and try and stay positive!

victory

It will be tremendously hard but try to keep positive, she has not said she has ended it and never wants to see you again, look at it that way

Chicken320

Victory - I'm afraid there a no mutual friends who can help, however, I have a fantastic relationship with her family. But, for me, even that is a no go area when it comes to trying to influence her. Her mother is wonderful and they made me feel like I was part of the family, however, the last thing I want to do is put them in an awkward position.

Do I look weak if I admit to her I miss her daughter and still love her dearly, or does that show caring and that I'm prepared to stick this out? It's a tough call, but the mother asked me to keep in contact and to stick things out. She strongly believes by letting her have this time, she will come back to me...

newcook

Chicken320 wrote: »

Victory - I'm afraid there a no mutual friends who can help, however, I have a fantastic relationship with her family. But, for me, even that is a no go area when it comes to trying to influence her. Her mother is wonderful and they made me feel like I was part of the family, however, the last thing I want to do is put them in an awkward position.

Do I look weak if I admit to her I miss her daughter and still love her dearly, or does that show caring and that I'm prepared to stick this out? It's a tough call, but the mother asked me to keep in contact and to stick things out. She strongly believes by letting her have this time, she will come back to me...

I would say to leave her mom out of it – the last thing your gf needs is her mom saying ‘I spoke with chicken320 today, he’s so upset and he still misses you terribly’. It will just make your gf feel guilty about wanting her own time and space.

Its different if you see her in the local shop or something – then yes, say you are doing ok but you miss her and ask how she is doing.

System

Sometimes breaks work, and sometimes they don't. I went on a break with my recent ex, and i thought we'd get back together (he'd even said there was a chance), i gave him space etc. And then i saw him kissing someone else..which hurt. And it was at that point i realised we'd never get back together

Hope things work out better for you

Chicken320

newcook wrote: »

I would say to leave her mom out of it – the last thing your gf needs is her mom saying ‘I spoke with chicken320 today, he’s so upset and he still misses you terribly’. It will just make your gf feel guilty about wanting her own time and space.

Its different if you see her in the local shop or something – then yes, say you are doing ok but you miss her and ask how she is doing.

Absolutely, thank you for that. I think I'm just going to see what happens and let it run its course. Very, very difficult, but hopefully it will come good in the end...

make_me_wise

Chicken320 wrote: »

I’m a new poster on here, however, I’ve been lurking in the background for a while and love the community.

I’ve never really been one to share my problems, nor will I reveal too much as I have close friends who use this forum, however, I am in need of some advice / words of support.

My partner who I’ve been in a relationship with for nearly three-years has decided she wants some time apart to work out what she wants. We’ve been together from a very young age – teenage sweet hearts – and she needs to decipher where her life is heading and whether I feature in that plan. I am three-years older and about to head onto the property ladder (at a young age) and come from quite a tough upbringing, with poor relations with some close family members.

I’ve respected her heat-breaking decision and decided that if I give her some time now to decide what she wants and explore life that, if she loves me and it’s meant to be, she will return... So, the official term is 'on a break' with no communication until she's ready. Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this? I’m not planning on changing my approach, I love her so much I feel I owe her this much, however, I’m keen to find out ways to deal with the pain and rejection.

Thanks in advance.

CHICKEN

Cant help but feel that all this is on her terms. You mention 'what she wants' and 'until she's ready' and 'I owe her this much'. Sounds very unbalanced to me.

A good relationship is about mutual love and respect. Can you honestly say that you feel she is giving as much consideration and care to you as you are to her?

victory

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