cant cope with 3yr old daughter please help!

pigpen

[quote=[Deleted User];46897871]I bet it never done your parents, grand parents etc any harm.[/QUOTE]

Actually my mother and her 5 siblings have suffered terribly throughout their lives and had counselling and treatment for issues stemming from the times they were hit as chidren..

So yes, it has done them massive amounts of harm... and also impacted on the lives of their own children.

pigpen

[quote=[Deleted User];46898577]I am on about the child throwing tantrums not about wetting and pooing themselfs.

Must of been more then just a slap then.[/QUOTE]

Of course.. because bullying someone defenceless is totally acceptable.. silly us..

Dont get me wrong mine have had the odd smacked bottom but the circumstances described here are not those kind of circumstances and most rational thinking adults can see that. Maybe in trollland that is how they make their younguns brave enough to eat princes and abduct princesses but here we like to protect and nurture our off spring to make them feel loved and safe especially when they have had a lot of distressing upheaval.

pigpen

but slapping displays out of control behaviour not discipline..

skintchick

onlyroz wrote: »

Wow, you must be some sort of miracle maker if you can reason with a 3-year-old in such a way. No screaming child of mine has been in a fit state to listen to a reasoned argument when in full-on tantrum mode. I've always just put them somewhere safe (and out of my way) until they've calmed down and *then* try and extract some semblance of reason out of them.

Well, it's worked with children other than my own one, so maybe I am But it's not about reasoning with them. It's about reassuring them and helping them understand their emotions and waiting till they clam down. So if you're trying to get some sense or reason out of them then nop, it won't work, but it isn;t about that.

pigpen wrote: »

That resulted in a bloody nose, several bruises and bite marks and an even more hysterical child with mine..

Well, DD has hit me, and I just continued to hold her and tell her that while hitting was unacceptable and hurt Mummy, I still loved her and wanted to help her, and would hold her till she felt calm and OK again.

Maybe I've been lucky. Or maybe my DD is the way she is BECAUSE of how I've dealt with her tantrums. It's one of those chicken and egg things, but certainly something the OP can try and see if it works for her and her daughter.

mountainofdebt

Well Junior was smacked as a toddler but they were balanced out with cwtches and he's managed to turn out OK. No such thing as a naughty step back then and the thought of negotiating with him - well least said about that the better.

Or perhaps it was because before he had a smack he was warned that he was heading for one with a perfected paddington bear stare.

[Deleted User]

My four year old regressed after a move to a hostel. He played very happily with the other children but his distress at all the changes showed with his toileting. He'd soil himself quite badly and decided he didn't want to walk anywhere anymore.., I had to buy a push chair.

As far as the soiling was concerned I comforted him as best as I could, cleaned him up and told him it was just temporary and would sort itself out. It did after a couple of weeks.

However as others have said, u have to rely on your instincts with them. I won't allow temper tantrums in shops. He goes over my shoulder, head down and isn't 'allowed' to walk until he's calm (with clear explanations of this in calm voice). Tried that with two children and it works like a dream (my older child used to have terrible tantrums til I tried this tactic).

I don't know if its worth keeping a favourite activity/toy only for after nursery. It might be worth arriving at the nursery ten minutes early, saying that there is ten minutes left and then we will go home to play xxxx.., so going home has pleasant associations for her.., if she doesn't play up on the way home.