cant cope with 3yr old daughter please help!

Bumpmakesfour

Caroline73 wrote: »

Since when is giving a child their meal a reward?

I took it as she was immediately given tea rather than put on naughty step or however the child is dealt with for bad behaviour...not that the actual meal was a reward.

pigpen

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

I took it as she was immediately given tea rather than put on naughty step or however the child is dealt with for bad behaviour...not that the actual meal was a reward.

She quite clearly stated rewarded with her tea though.. meals are not a reward and a cold dinner is not an option when you have slaved in the kitchen..

Bumpmakesfour

pigpen wrote: »

She quite clearly stated rewarded with her tea though.. meals are not a reward and a cold dinner is not an option when you have slaved in the kitchen..

I see your point..I read it differently in my head though and "think" I know what she meant..although my head is full of cotton wool today so no g'tees

gratefulforhelp_2

OP My DD has been doing similar, she is just 4, in her case there are clear triggers (things causing her stress).

Can you identify any triggers for her?

Good advice I was given that worked, was to step up the love and attention you give her, and ignore the other stuff.

It's really hard, but it works. x

Caroline73_2

That all makes more sense now. Mind you, if you tasted my cooking you could assume I was punishing my children.

It does sound like she is trying to gain a bit of control because of all the recent changes but I wonder if she is having a bit of a growing spurt? I find that when my youngest (aged 5) is having a growing spurt he regresses a bit. He gets his younger toys out and reverts to watching Cbeebies, his behaviour is also a lot more babyish with a lot more crying.

Al1x

I feel for you.. 3 is a really difficult age even without all the extra changes going on in your lives.

If she has trantrums when telling her its time to come home after playing with friends have you tried giving her warning of when its time to go.. like say 'you have half an hour before we have to go' then 20 minutes, 10 minutes etc?

The naughty step really worked for us.. 3 minutes of sitting on the step quitely and having to have a proper 'sorry'. We started the 3 minutes again if there was any messing around and after the 3 minutes we asked what she did wrong and what she had to say to us.

I'm sure it will get better soon.

vickynleon

i read recently that children can start having accidents and there attitude changing because of a house move, its a hard age to because shes still young so probally got attached to things but old enough to understand also, maybe you could buy her some decorative stickers for her bedroom wall and make a big deal about her being a big girl now by putting them on herself and maybe saying that if she is naughty that one will have to come off, my little boy loves stickers and he though it was great when he could put stickers on his wall, also maybe if you have time try cake making, i use the packets so its nice and easy but my little boy loves it and then maybe get her to give some to her friends for her to share, when me and my son make cakes he decides when he makes them whos they are and then decides what picture each person will have. it must be a hard time for you but it will pass with time. good luck x

meritaten

for gawds sake! I did NOT mean literally rewarded with her tea - I meant it as in there was no mention of punishment! But, sometimes kids do associate food with reward - particularly if its something they like! So you can take it in any way you want to!

skintchick

Gosh, this poor little girl has been through so much recently! I am not a fan of time outs, punishments, or reward charts, and what I do with my DD (who is 2, and doesn;t tantrum much so I accept it's not the same) is try and get into her head.

So when she kicks off, I hold her and say : "I know you're upset that you can;t have the toy, I understand it makes you feel cross and angry, but Toby had it first and so you will have to wait your turn. Would you like to play with this train instead, or read a story with me?"

Or whatever fits the situation.

It is basically just empathising with them, putting how they feel into words for them, letting them know you understand, helping them understand their feelings (which can sometimes scare them if they are very strong and get out of control) and offering some solutions.

If all else fails I just hold her and soothe "I know, I understand" until she calms down.

PErhaps this might work with your DD considering all she's been through recently? I think she just needs some reassurance from you right now and punishments will achieve the opposite.

kafkathecat

I completely agree with Skintchick.

Holding a child, firmly but gently, while they are having a tantrum helps them feel safe and stops them hurting anyone or damaging anything. I know parents who did this with their children and they have turned out lovely.

I would also try to give her some control over as many parts of her life as you can. I would guess at the moment she feels as if she has no control over anything.

Ds is 13 now, I never used time out or the naughty step and imho he is turning out lovely.