cant cope with 3yr old daughter please help!

renegade

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

First - dont worry, kids have MANY phases and this could just be one of them!

Do you have a children's centre in your area? If so, you might want to contact them and enquire about family support... it is all voluntary on your part so u can opt out at any time (NOT social care/services at ALL) and they will be able to help guide you through this and help support you emotionally.

If u arent sure about local services, ask your health visitor (only because they should be aware of the childrens centre if there is one... not suggesting this is something for HV to help you with unless u have a good solid relationship with yours. Which doesnt happen very often so if u do u are lucky LOL!)

That is a massive amount of change in such a short period!!! No wonder she is distressed!! Agreed BUT it is not your fault so dont blame yourself and you CAN help both u and your daughter through this!

It sounds like giving her back a little bit of control over her own life will help her. Agreed

I quite agree with this advice, you BOTH need professional help, it is not about control it is about helping her through this difficult time, she has lost friends and family and is in a new nursery,it is all too much for a 3 yr old to comprehend,help her don't chastise her, praise her for the good behaviour ignore the bad.

onlyroz

skintchick wrote: »

So when she kicks off, I hold her and say : "I know you're upset that you can;t have the toy, I understand it makes you feel cross and angry, but Toby had it first and so you will have to wait your turn. Would you like to play with this train instead, or read a story with me?"

Wow, you must be some sort of miracle maker if you can reason with a 3-year-old in such a way. No screaming child of mine has been in a fit state to listen to a reasoned argument when in full-on tantrum mode. I've always just put them somewhere safe (and out of my way) until they've calmed down and *then* try and extract some semblance of reason out of them.

FattyBettyBoo

My DD is 5 now and it gets so much easier once you can have proper rational conversations with them and make them see reason. Its really frustrating at this age for both of you to get across what you are feeling.

And ... don't underestimate the power of stickers!! My DD loved (and sill does) saving stickers for good behaviour and getting a present when she reaches a certain number.

rachbc

I'm not a fan of the naughty step gnerally but particulalr in this case this little one needs reassurance and consistency. Stop trying everything - decide what you are going to and stick with it. Praise her good behaviour, ignore or try and divert/ prevent the bad. If you know coming in will trigger her tantrums - do the 5 min warnings, offer a nice activity/ time together to do when she comes in and remind her when she goes out that you expect her to come in nicely when she is asked.

thatgirlsam

Neither of mine have been very big tantrum throwers - Maybe because they got no response from me so have never used it as a way of getting control

My son does still cry occasionally if he perceives himself to be slighted, especially from his sister - I never tell him to stop crying as someone told me once doing that to boys makes them think they shouldn't show emotion ie 'boys don't cry'

I just wait for him to let his feelings out then he comes and tells me whats happened

If it were me OP I would be ignoring as many tantrums as I could, and remember its just a stage

pigpen

skintchick wrote: »

If all else fails I just hold her and soothe "I know, I understand" until she calms down.

That resulted in a bloody nose, several bruises and bite marks and an even more hysterical child with mine..

Racheldevon

I agree with one of the above posts - have a look online for your local sure start children's centre, they have a range of activities and services they can offer, including family support for things like you mentioned in your post. Also, contact your local health visitor team, and request a home visit to discuss your concerns.

sassyblue

Op some ideas for you. Firstly, what works for one mum and child isn't always going to work for you..... Secondly, you are not doing anything wrong!!! you just need to find what 'clicks' with your child. Be warned though, children will change the goalposts when it suits them :rotfl:

Give her a quick talk before she goes outside with friends 'remember if you can't share your toys nicely, then you'll come inside for time out'. If she goes to kick off about sharing a toy l warn mine once by saying 'share nicely!' - if it happens after that remove her from the garden for 2/3 mins inside, afterwards a quick hug and 'remember share nicely please'. And it's important to praise when she does share nicely too, aswell as anything else she does well or when you've asked her to do something.

5 mins warning before it's time to come in, get in the bath, go to bed, etc. They feel like they've been given 5 mins extra that way rather than a sudden end.

Let her have some 'control' back in her life, ask her what she'd like for tea one day and make it, or ask her what she'd like to do, go to the park or have an ice-cream from the shops - she'll probably say both so let her have both - make a deal with her, if her behaviour is good she can have an ice-cream too, she'll think it was her idea when all along you're making sure she behaves and learns, i.e you're in control

Remember, remember.... your daughter at 3 years old sounds PERFECTLY NORMAL - even without all the change she could act the way she is. I found 3 years much worse than anything else and l'd wake up dreading the day too, but it WILL get better l promise.

xxx

pigpen

[quote=[Deleted User];46896993]If she was my child i would smack her bum. Now a days parents just p ussy foot around there children.[/QUOTE]

There you go OP.. the answer to ALL your problems.. just slap her.. That will make her feel safe and loved.

Nicki

[quote=[Deleted User];46897871]I bet it never done your parents, grand parents etc any harm.[/QUOTE]

Actually there appears to be some evidence (*) to suggest that children smacked at age 3 for toileting issues grow up to become socially inept morons who post inappropriate suggestions on Internet discussion boards on how to deal with very young children undergoing an emotional upheaval.

* on this thread at least.