cant cope with 3yr old daughter please help!

mummyplus3

I have just bought a reward chart so will give this a go and see how we get on thanks. I did try one before but she hated that I will try and perservre (spelling!) with this one though.

When she throws a tantrum when I get her in for tea I tell her she's not allowed out the next day so she stays in and isnt as bad then she goes out again the day after and we start the cycle again... I am wondering if I should let her out at all to be honest but it's a shame to keep her cooped up indoors when all the children are playing together outside.

onlyroz

What I did was to get a magnetic board and some magnetic numbers. I drew a line down the middle and put the numbers 1-5 on the left. For each day of good behaviour I let my son move one of the magnets over to the right side. I also had a small toy, which I showed him, and told him he could have it once all the numbers were on the right.

meritaten

mummyplus3 wrote: »

I have just bought a reward chart so will give this a go and see how we get on thanks. I did try one before but she hated that I will try and perservre (spelling!) with this one though.

When she throws a tantrum when I get her in for tea I tell her she's not allowed out the next day so she stays in and isnt as bad then she goes out again the day after and we start the cycle again... I am wondering if I should let her out at all to be honest but it's a shame to keep her cooped up indoors when all the children are playing together outside.

Hun - she is THREE years old - and YOU are sending confusing messages here. if she has a tantrum (she is rewarded with her tea - then you tell her she isnt allowed out the next day?????????? at age three discipline HAS to be immediate! by the next day she has forgotten about being naughty and even if reminded she wont connect it to not being allowed out! in her mind her world has collapsed and on top of that mummy is mean to her!
Tantrum equals naughty step for THREE MINUTES! as soon as the tantrum kicks off!

you cannot delay a punishment at this young age. they dont reason and they dont get why they are being punished!
and you say you have tried EVERYTHING? how long did you try it for? it takes persistence and using one method! otherwise the child gets confused and doesnt know whats coming next.
This poor kid is rebelling now in the only way she knows how!
You really need to sit down and work out a strategy and stick to it for a few weeks- but no more delayed punishments please - she isnt a teenager!

pigpen

mummyplus3 wrote: »

I usually send her upstairs to sit on her bed when she tantrums to calm down, I dont give attention to tantrums.

She's got toddler wipes for going to the loo she just deliberatly doesnt go?! doesnt wipe etc...

Changes in her life recently:

Moved house
New bedroom
New Nursery (first day there today but just like old nursery she threw a fit and didnt want to come home)
Me going to college (started last week)
Moved away from Nanny, Grandad & Aunties
Night time routine abit out of whack recently but we have a better morning routine now than the old place

The worst thing is when I try to get her to come home she sounds like she's being murdered she hates coming home it's horrible. She always been like it but she's really bad now I just don't understand it, she's loved and cared for she's not abused or anything but she just hates coming back

On the flip side she is very caring and loving it's like jeckyl and hide!

That is a massive amount of change in such a short period!!! No wonder she is distressed!!

Supervise toilet times.. she is simply not left to go on her own..then you can remind her to wipe etc.. Could you get her a special soap dispenser that she can use to wash her hands after using the loo.. we got a tinkerbell one from tesco which I just keep topping up. if necessary take her to the toiet every half hour to minimise accidents.

Does she have contact with the grandparents at all? Could she have a daily skype conversation with them or a phonecall after dinner so she doesnt feel like they have abandonned her?

I dont like sending children to their bedrooms.. there is far too much fun to be had up there, and I think it is important they see the world carry on around them.. I sit mine on the dining chair.. and they do sit there for 5 whole huge minutes.. still and quiet before they are allowed to move.. one moan, one fidget their 5 minutes starts again!

Can you get her involved in household decisions?? What to have for dinner? What colour to paint the bedroom/kitchen etc? Ask if there is anything special she would like when you go to the supermarket.. the answer may be biscuits.. but it gives her back a little control when all these things are happening TO her and she has no control. Can she choose what to wear each day?.. even if she looks like a clown.. that is her decision.. just whizz the inappropriate seasons stuff out or you may find her in beach clothes in January! If she stays pack up can she choose what to have?

It sounds like giving her back a little bit of control over her own life will help her.

bigmomma051204

First - dont worry, kids have MANY phases and this could just be one of them!

Do you have a children's centre in your area? If so, you might want to contact them and enquire about family support... it is all voluntary on your part so u can opt out at any time (NOT social care/services at ALL) and they will be able to help guide you through this and help support you emotionally.

If u arent sure about local services, ask your health visitor (only because they should be aware of the childrens centre if there is one... not suggesting this is something for HV to help you with unless u have a good solid relationship with yours. Which doesnt happen very often so if u do u are lucky LOL!)

That is a massive amount of change in such a short period!!! No wonder she is distressed!! Agreed BUT it is not your fault so dont blame yourself and you CAN help both u and your daughter through this!

It sounds like giving her back a little bit of control over her own life will help her. Agreed

peachyprice

mummyplus3 wrote: »

Changes in her life recently:

Moved house
New bedroom
New Nursery (first day there today but just like old nursery she threw a fit and didnt want to come home)
Me going to college (started last week)
Moved away from Nanny, Grandad & Aunties
Night time routine abit out of whack recently but we have a better morning routine now than the old place

Sorry, but that is a HUGE list of changes for a three year old to be contending with, no wonder she's kicking off, it's the only way she knows at that age to communicate her unhappiness.

Her life has changed so much, she's reverting to her younger behaviour, to a time in her life she was happy, to a time she understood.

To regress toilet training is not that unusual, especially in early trained children and children who have experienced change in their little lives. you'll have to go back to helping her at toilet time, making sure she's clean and reminding her to go regularly.

mummyplus3

Thanks everyone,

Thread has given me some perspective and ideas to try from tomorrow. I know its been a tough time for her I've felt so lost with her and hopefully with a little persaverance (spelling) we will both be feeling better soon.

I'm going to start being abit more strict as i've been quite lax recently because of the move will also go back to toilet training again and see whether that helps!

xx

chocolate.buttons

Agree that it would be good to find ways to help your daughter to feel more in control again. Hopefully she will respond more positively to the sticker chart when you restart this. What about making her feel more at home in your new place by asking her to help you to choose some small bits for the house (cheapy things I mean!) or some small things for her new room? That way, she can mentally begin accepting your new house as her home and feel that she's had some input too.
Also, I know you've recognised that your routine is a bit out of sorts atm - I'm sure that the quicker you can get back into a solid routine will help your daughter loads - right now she is probably feeling like her life is just full of uncertainty. Hope things improve OP . Best wishes.

peachyprice

mummyplus3 wrote: »

I'm going to start being abit more strict as i've been quite lax recently because of the move will also go back to toilet training again and see whether that helps!

xx

Don't forget that while you're being more strict she's also in need of extra love and affection at the moment, I know it's difficult when they are misbehaving, but she'll need alot of reassurance that you love her and that's the one thing that's not going to change.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll get through this and your lovely little girl will come out the other side.

Caroline73_2

meritaten wrote: »

Hun - she is THREE years old - and YOU are sending confusing messages here. if she has a tantrum (she is rewarded with her tea - then you tell her she isnt allowed out the next day??????????

Since when is giving a child their meal a reward?