My ex smokes in front of my daughters...advice?

POPPYOSCAR

balletshoes wrote: »

exactly this - you can't stop him. What he's doing, whether you like it or not, isn't illegal. Your decision (if you made it) to not allow your children to stay over at their dad's because he smokes there would not stand up in court if he challenged it - you would be made out to be the unreasonable parent.

But how do you know that?

Courts can be strange places and uphold all sorts of things.There is so much about passive smoking around nowadays, that a court might just take it into account and ask him to consider smoking in another room.They might just see the mother's viewpoint.

What will they do to her anyway for stopping overnight access, not a lot, in my experience.

puddy

they certainly wouldnt see her as unreasonable that i can say

what they might do about it is difficult to say. there would be an attempt for reason to be understood by the father, perhaps by mediation but ulitmately because smoking is legal, there isnt really a lot the court could do to reinforce mother's point but they would certainly sympathise with her

if the children have diagnosed medical problems that is a different matter as is the case above where the father is smoking cannibis

balletshoes

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

But how do you know that?

experience in my close family - not about just smoking around the children, but including that. Of course I'm not saying all judges would make the same decision, but in the experience we've had, the issue of a parent without residency smoking around the children on access days/nights wouldn't even register on the scale of unacceptability/unreasonable behaviour.

*Louise*

OP - it's something I wouldn't stand for at all.

If he can't put his children before his own disgusting habits then he doesn't deserve to have them overnight.

We have a similar problem with the inlaws: They were asked not to smoke around the children or in the car with them, when DS1 was older he told us that they did smoke, and one day we 'forgot something' and had to go back to their house and caught them smoking inside:mad: so they don't get to have the kids on their own now because we can't trust them

Smoking can kill...but it's not always the smoker who dies. My dad is currently fighting a cancer which is predominantly caused by smoking, but he has never had a cigarette in his life.

I would never let my children stay with someone who smoked around them, others may not see the problem with it, but if they knew a young girl who died from a severe asthma attack whose parents continue to smoke round her sister who has chronic asthma they might soon think differently

moomoomama27

I would hate this situation. as it's not illegal there's little you do about it in an official sense, but one would hope common sense would prevail! Smoking around children is not on at all! I know plenty of people with children who smoke, but never around them, and no where they can breathe the smoke, why can't you ex do this?

Have you suggested to him to go outside for a cig when your daughters are visiting. Maybe you could say they are upset that their clothes and hair smell? Use it as an excuse to chat with him about maybe going outside! It's not a scarifice really, and even if he thought it was, surely it's worth it to stop the children breathing it in!

System

How do the children feel about it? I hated my dad smoking when i was younger, and i used to tell him that. Eventually he started smoking outside instead and not around me. Sadly its up to him what he does.